


Fire and Blade

by Xanadian



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Badass Mai (Avatar), Canon Compliant, Character Study, Drama & Romance, F/M, Fire Lord Zuko, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Mai (Avatar)-Centric, Mental Health Issues, Mild Smut, Post-Canon, Romance, Slow Burn, Smoke and Shadow Comics (Avatar), Zuko (Avatar)-centric, maiko, the comics are hardly canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-08-17
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:53:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 50,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25149508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xanadian/pseuds/Xanadian
Summary: At this proximity, he could see the glistening hollow between her collarbones dip as she swallowed in eager anticipation. For all that her expertise at holding an impassive exterior was worth, she still couldn’t hide her desire for him.He smiled as his finger followed her lean sculpted jaw, tracing a heated line from her ear down to her chin, tilting her up sharply to look at him. 'I like when you leave the Deadly Unflappable Fighter persona out the door, for the rest of the world. I love seeing you hot, bothered and messy like this'.He bent down catching her lips in his.Jumping between flashes of their relationship all the way from Zuko's coronation to their estrangement and beyond. Complete!
Relationships: Mai/Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 182
Kudos: 353





	1. Double-Edged (part 1)

**Author's Note:**

> This is not a retelling of Smoke and Shadows, I stick to canon as much as possible but I have moved events around a bit so that they make sense to my story. Naturally, if you have read the comics (available for free online) then this telling will make more sense to you but it is not a requirement. Please enjoy!
> 
> Note: I am aging these characters up because very little of their behaviour would make sense with their canon ages. Mai is 20, Zuko 22. 
> 
> Constructive criticism is super welcome :)

Two nights ago, Zuko was sprawled restlessly on his royal bed in his royal chambers. Now he was hiding in a deserted forest temple, chasing down an underground terrorist group, and his brain still wouldn't lend him the courtesy of a restful night's sleep.

The reason for his present bout of insomnia was a thoughtful gift from his crazy sister Azula, who had abducted his newfound baby sister Kiyi, apparently a resurgence of the Kemurikage, terror crimes by an anti-national outfit, and last but not least, unexpectedly seeing Mai again after she had ended things with him for good and permanently moved out of his life sans warning.

Not having the time or mental capacity to deal with the gargantuan hole in his life that Mai had left in her wake, Zuko had immersed himself in his kingly duties hoping the pain that clawed at his chest every time he looked over to her empty manor from the palatial terrace, would simply fade away.

'Bumping' into her again while dodging an assassination attempt, only months after she had seemingly disappeared, had violently torn off the bandage he had haphazardly tied on this gash. Only, uncovering it now made him realise it was less of a gash and more of a bloody gaping hole in his torso as though an axe had torn through him.

He had been mostly unaware of Mai's whereabouts in her time away from home, but somehow her actions had once again led to them crossing paths.

At first, Zuko had been adamant to talk things out with her, or in the very least check in on her and see how she was faring in her new life away from the Capital (and him). But then sensing her discomfort around him, and the fact that she was involved with someone else, had positively discouraged him. But he did make a mental note to be amused by the irony of how Mai's family's betrayal of the royal throne had once again brought them together, _after_ all the abducted children, including their own kid siblings, were safe with their mothers.

First, Mai's brother Tom-Tom had gone missing, followed by the abduction of many other children in cities around the Capital. After what seemed like a heavy involvement of Mai's father in the anti-establishment organisation and the abduction of her brother, Zuko had hoped she would return to the Capital with him and assist in the search. For better or for worse, she had stayed back in her aunt's town, where she had moved to assist with her flower shop. But then quickly enough, and in a rather twisted way, his wish had been granted when his little sister was taken right from under his nose by Azula.

His mother had been shattered. They were supposed to be under his protection at the Capital and he had failed at even that. It seemed his whole life would pass him by as he grasped at the scattered remnants of a family, losing one piece when he found another. 

Finding that Azula had been the perpetrator this whole time had thrown a spanner in the works. Just when the white-hot fury inside him was beyond any human control, and Zuko had been minutes away from ignoring all caution as the Fire Lord and chasing Azula down personally, Mai had shown up at the palace having heard about Kiyi.

She had rushed through the doors of the throne room, unmistakeable worry in her eyes. 'Zuko, I heard.'

Royal protocols being damned, Zuko abandoned his seat on the throne at her sight, almost flying down the steps, enveloping her in his arms. 'Mai, I'm _so_ worried.'

'I know. We'll find them. We'll find them _all_.'

Grateful that instead of slinking away she had held him back with equal ferocity, he felt all his anger draining out from him; her physical presence acting like a grounding force. With every shaky breath, the familiar scent of jasmine from her hair rapidly replaced the dark clouds of anger, resentment, and failure that filled his head, lifting the debilitating weight from his shoulders that he didn't even know he was carrying.

With her arms around him and his face nestled against her, he wished for them to be magically alone in the throne room together. He wanted her to make him feel all better like she always did, with her paced advice and sincere eyes, her fingers smoothing his furrowed brows.

But just as quickly as it had started, the moment ceased. Mai had stepped back, ending their reunion. Retracting her hands into her sleeves, she had calmly expressed her desire to accompany him in his search for Tom-Tom and Kiyi. He scanned her face for a glimpse of something that would betray her perfectly put-together façade. Guarding herself against his piercing gaze, she had swiftly turned away to greet the Avatar and Toph who were also present.

He had stood quietly, needing a second to gather his thoughts.

How could she have this effect on him, yet act as though their reunion, the first time they had held each other in months, had elicited nothing within herself? The idea that she had moved on so completely, so soon, had been too heavy for Zuko to dwell on just then, given the circumstances. Having turned into somewhat of an expert at deflecting, he had filed away those thoughts as well to be dealt with at a later time.

In keeping with the need of the hour, Aang, Suki, Toph, Ty Lee, Zuko, and Mai had travelled outside the Capital, being forced into hiding in the forest for a day now, unable to enter the city from where they had received news of unrest and terror activities.

General Mak and his soldiers scouted ahead to investigate the possible presence of The New Ozai or Safe Nation or Whatever They Called Themselves Now Society and look for clues as to the whereabouts of the children. They figured that to be the safest course of action given the multiple assassination attempts on Zuko already.

The group had found a deserted temple away from civilisation, yet not dangerously deep into the forest, and had made it their hideout. General Mak had promised to bring food and any information he had found, without drawing suspicion, to the edge of the forest each evening. So far, they had had very poor luck with both.

Zuko was sat under the acacia tree in the center of the temple courtyard (or the remains of a temple courtyard) trying to feed himself the dehydrated fish General Mak had brought over earlier that evening. Having run himself dry of horrible scenarios overthinking about Kiyi and Azula, Zuko's brain had directed its attention to agonising about a more in-reach topic – Mai.

His eyes lazily gazed at her from across the chipped stone floors, beyond what looked like it may have once been a fountain. Her back was to him as she seemed to be engaged in a discussion about combat styles with Suki, Ty Lee, and Toph.

Since they had been on the move, Mai had been actively avoiding him. She made every effort to sit as far away from him as possible during their dinner bonfire and had disappeared into the forest during the day. Her far more reserved actions and dampened tone hinted to him how helpless she must feel about Tom-Tom and her father.

Mai wasn't exactly the light of any conversation, choosing to mostly listen and blithely offer her often scathing remarks as she deemed fit. Over the years, she had opened up a lot more, seeing past the negatives and taking somewhat of a liking to socialising in groups. But lately, it felt like she had retracted back into her hermit shell.

It wasn't like her to shut down in the face of peril, but after finding out Azula was behind the whole thing, she was probably petrified for her brother. Mai and Azula had history, they shared a dark dynamic best known only to them.

Yet, something made Zuko confident that Azula wouldn't hurt the children. But instead of consoling Mai and telling her all would be okay; he was at a distance taking guesses at her mental stability from her outward expressions. Her overwhelming need to always appear in control of the situation even as it spiralled completely out of her grasp, was ironically her biggest weakness.

Her obvious attempts at slipping away were getting the better of him. He hated that she was acting like _she_ wasn't one who walked out on them, like _she_ wasn't the one who had instantly moved on with someone else. He was the one who had asked her to stay.

 _You ordered her_ ; his pesky inner voice (that annoyingly sounded a bit too much like Uncle Iroh) was quick to remind. He had been shocked and flustered by her exit, not truly expecting such an unceremonious finality on her end.

If only he had abandoned his throne for her then.

On an ill-fated few of his many sleepless nights, Zuko would fall into gaps of fevered slumber which would take him on a torture trip. His visions showed him Azula and himself as young kids playing on Ember Island until she pushed him into the ocean, leaving him to struggle against the overpowering waves. He would see Ozai returning - Firebending and all, to take back his kingdom. He would see the shadowy silhouette of his mother gliding through the palace as Zuko chased after it, but lately, he would see Mai too.

Mai, sitting at the edge of the fountain in the royal gardens, stripped of her knives that floated in the water beside her, as deep sadness reflected in her eyes. _'You don't love me.' 'I do Mai! I wanted to come after you, but I thought you hated me.'_ His hands would try to hold her, always just out of reach. _'Congratulations Fire Lord, you are finally right about something'._

Zuko was beginning to wonder if sleeplessness sought him or if he sought reasons to lie awake through the night.

While his mind seemed to run at full capacity, he would sometimes drink special teas to force his body asleep. Now, hiding like fugitives, they had barely even had a full stomach of food, let alone expensive medicinal preparations. His hands rubbed his dry and tired eyes as he tried to quickly blink away the splotches of light, not wanting to miss Mai's demonstration.

Suki and Ty Lee watched intently, as Mai illustrated her stance. She moved softly over the ground, her lighter robes giving her movements an airy feel. As a member of high nobility, she was often decked in regal, heavy robes in public, that added a more refined and substantial air about her. Now as a florist in her aunt's shop, mixed silk robes probably suited her better.

While Mai was adamant to avoid all eye contact with him, Zuko wasn't going to deny his tired and deprived brain the elixir of quietly watching her unawares.

'You can have perfect aim while your hand is close to your body.' Mai descended into a stable shooter's stance, her foot pushing back behind her, 'but unless you follow a rod-straight trajectory while flicking your wrist, your shuriken won't land where you want it to.'

One of Mai's beloved pets – a sharp, spiked disk, whizzed through the air, gracefully slicing off a single flower from the tree above them. Suki grinned, impressed at the flower floating down towards her as Ty Lee clapped.

'I couldn't see what you hit, but it sounded pretty sweet!' Toph offered.

For the first time in days, Zuko noticed Mai's lips curling into a faint smile. 'Thanks, Toph.'

Once, while observing the students playing in the Fire Nation Academy's courtyard, Great Sifu Kitao had fortuitously discovered Mai's self-taught knife-throwing skills. It had taken some convincing on his part to get her parents to allow her to pursue a combat art. Sifu had himself overseen some of her lessons as she mastered the art of Stilettos within two years, graduating as one of the deadliest fighters in all of Fire Nation and definitely as his favourite student.

As the others mused over all the different kinds of blades she carried in her arsenal, Zuko couldn't exactly remember if he had ever said it in as many words, but he was sometimes jealous of her. Jealous, because Benders could never master another fighting technique as expertly as their bending; it was too instinctive for them to rely on the Bending itself.

Mai was an incredible sight to behold when she sparred. She would take down twenty armed guards in a matter of minutes without breaking a sweat, her hair not moving an inch out of its flawless updo. Watching her fight always made him feel a certain way. Made him want to carry her off and lock themselves up in his chamber and cancel all his agendas for that day.

It was a shame she couldn't do much of the fighting while in the Capital. Her parents forbade her from it unless she was asked to present her skills in front of an aristocratic gathering; always a safe and entertaining talking point for her father among his political allies.

Throwing knives was like her punching bag. He would often find her practicing her aim at their Academy grounds after they had had an argument. Instead of a direct apology, sometimes he would quietly join her practice, offering himself as a live dodging target and allowing her to take out her frustration on him. Zuko could see how their dynamic might confuse outsiders, but to them, it was second nature. The ease with which they carried themselves around the other, made it easy to forget there were times in their lives they hadn't known each other.

Her weeks on the run away from home with Azula and Ty Lee, had seemed to have breathed new life in her. Zuko could almost perfectly recreate her dancing eyes in his memory now, from when she recalled all the times she had fought Benders, guards, and wild animals, donning disguises and sneaking into lands she had never been to. Zuko wished he could have seen her as she might've looked then. Brazen and carefree. Not restrained by her duties, expectations, her family, or maybe even by him, like she was in the Capital.

Her and Azula had gotten closer too. It was these memories with Azula, that were the frustrating source of the battle in Mai's head whenever she was brought up. She stayed mum on her own opinions of Azula and her captivity, choosing instead to listen to Zuko’s and play the devil's advocate. She thought he didn't notice, but he did. It was strange for him to think Mai had seen a very different side of Azula and that she meant something so different to her than she did to him.

'Did I just hear Toph openly praise someone?' Aang plopped down on the ground beside Zuko with his own leaf-plate of dried berries and nuts for lack of substantial vegetarian options, snapping him out of his thoughts that were teetering too close to Azula territory again.

Zuko shrugged, 'who would have thought, Angry Girl gets along with Angry Girl.'

Aang laughed, 'look at you filling in for Sokka with the nicknames!'

Before Zuko could inquire about Sokka's latest whereabouts, happy for the distraction, Mai's exasperated voice flittered over the courtyard pulling his attention again.

'I'm not going to fight you Toph, give it up.' Mai had perched herself on a severed tree trunk facing Toph who stood across, her feet planted firmly on the ground.

'But you have nothing to lose! I see from my feet, I'm BLIND!' Toph balled her fists with purpose, causing a tiny rumble that even Zuko and Aang felt. Trust Toph to turn a relaxing demonstration into competitive sporting.

'And _I'm_ not a bender,' Mai replied nonchalantly.

'But you're the coolest non-bender fighter I've ever not-seen,' Toph yelled. 'No offense, Suki,' she added, turning to her right.

'Taken!' Suki, standing on Toph's left, huffed, looping her hand through Ty Lee's, leading her away.

'So now I need to defeat you,' Toph whined, turning to Mai again.

'And I'm not going to let that happen by simply not fighting you.'

'Chickening out Mai? Worried that a little girl will take you down?' Toph mocked, crossing her hands in front of her.

'That doesn't work on me, I'm not Zuko,' Mai yawned.

Before he could react, Zuko heard Aang giggle beside him. 'That definitely would've worked on you,' he sniggered.

'Would not,' Zuko gritted.

'Besides, my parents didn't pay for years of training for me to knowingly walk into a fight with a metal bender who can just blunt out my knives,' Mai shrugged.

'Fine,' Toph was impressed she had seen through her little plan. 'I didn't actually mean when I said you were the coolest anyway.'

'Got it,' Mai nodded.

Sighing in defeat, Toph raised the ground up to her bottom in what was her version of sitting down. 'Your parents let you learn combat with knives?' She asked quietly, swinging her legs from her self-styled high chair. 'Holy Shu...You have cool parents.'

'Yeah well, they live in the Fire Nation how _cool_ could they be?' Mai replied humourlessly.

Ty Lee and Suki had made their way over to the acacia tree, ready to join dinner.

While Zuko's fingers tore apart the fish on his plate, his brain had long given up on it. Tired, hungry, yet unable to bring himself to eat, he excused himself from the bonfire, striding aimlessly over to the broken temple column where they stored their fresh drinking water, still keeping Mai in his view.

Maybe sparring with Toph would have helped improve her mood. Quenching himself, he sat down again, watching as her dark silky robes gently ruffled over her slender figure in the wind. Before his mind could drift once again from his empty stomach to the missing children and eventually his crazy sister, he was distracted as Mai bent over, taking off her wrist holsters, carefully reloading the shurikens she had displaced for her earlier demonstration.


	2. Double-Edged (part 2)

_Mai pulled her shoulders back; spine straight like the line-up of lethal knives on the floor in front of her. The angry unfiltered rays of the afternoon sun bounced right back out through the giant window, reflecting off the mirror-like metal of her knives. The fruit of her half-hour long labour. Each of her blades meticulously wiped clean, sharpened, and reloaded in its rightful slot in her holsters, ready to be worn again._

_She wiped down the beads of sweat on her neck and shoulders with a damp towel. Patting away the blistering heat of the summer afternoon. She imagined herself sinking into her luxurious bathing pool at home, the exertion washing off her body and slipping through the drains in a wonderful concoction of jasmines, incense soap, and bathwater._

_She had spent the morning sparring with young students at the Fire Nation Academy, teaching a special lesson in marksmanship on request of her Sifu. She had found, expectedly, that her teaching style was less wordy and way more do-y. She had also found, unexpectedly, that it was a hit among the students. There was no other explanation for the suspicious increase in class strength, every time she turned around._

_Not that teaching had been her primary concern either way. An opportunity to throw knives just wasn’t something she could turn down. In her deadly fingers her shurikens gracefully fulfilled their life’s purpose, hitting bullseye each time she launched one. In return, they would take with them her intrusive thoughts pinning them to the target and leaving her feeling lighter with each shot. Made for each other._

_After the lesson, she had been escorted to a guest room to freshen up. She had sat under the blind spot by the window and taken off her robes first thing. She loved her dark ensemble to death of course, but the sweltering Fire Nation summers had her wondering if a summer wardrobe should be considered. Clothed in only her white cotton underskirt and blouse, Mai took a minute to breathe, bringing the cup of cooling lemon tea to her lips as she quietly mulled over Sifu Kitao's offer. His small talk as he had escorted her to the guest room had only been a pretence for him to offer her a position at the Academy as a Master for Stilettos._

_In life, just like on the field, Mai functioned best when she had a clear view of the target. And of late, she had felt restless and rather disoriented from feeling like she was losing sight of a purpose in her life. There were always things to do in the Capital, but she was quickly running out of those that genuinely piqued her interest. She wanted to be useful and independent. She knew she could be both._

_A small smile settled on her lips. The idea of turning something she enjoyed into a career right here in the Capital City had quiet an irresistible quality to it._

_Suddenly, her ears perked. Her moment of serenity rudely interrupted when she was alerted by an unusual shuffling beyond the door._

_Setting her teacup down soundlessly beside her, she wasted no time reaching for her knives. In an instant, the door fell open and a whirlwind of activity knocked her into shock. She was jerked back with a tight grip on her arm, her outstretched fingers only inches away from her weapons. She felt the wind escape her as she was shoved roughly against the wall. Her trained fist was seconds away from making deadly contact with the assailant's nether region when she stopped herself short, realising she was staring right into Zuko's smug face._

_'WHAT is wrong with you?!' she glowered at a tremendously pleased Zuko; their faces close enough that Mai could feel his warm exhilarated breathing against her. Taking advantage of her shock, his fingers had closed around her wrists preventing any possible attacks. His smile reflected a cat-like victory of having braved an unnecessary leap._

_She wondered if he had genuinely thought that pouncing at her had been worth endangering the future of the Fire Nation royal lineage._

_'What are you doing here!' she yelled._

_'Shh!' Zuko whispered urgently, raising a finger to her mouth that was wide open in shock, turning behind to make sure they weren't in the line of sight of the window._

_Convinced that their 'scandalous' rendezvous was safe from pesky gossip, he smiled dropping his hand to her wrist again. 'City administration wanted to show me the latest modifications to the Academy. Sifu mentioned you were here too.'_

_Mai frowned at him; lips now tightly pursed. Her flustered expression made him want to cut to the chase and pull her into a kiss right then, but he knew better than to lose his walking ability for a week._

_Noticing her tensed wrists in his hands, he smirked devilishly, realising she was atypically unarmed. 'Did I really get you before you were able to sweep up your pets?'_

_'You startled me and I was off my guard,' Mai glared, freeing her wrists from his grasp and crossing her hands over her chest, a little out of anger, but mostly out of feeling so exposed around her presently overdressed boyfriend._

_'Right sorry, I'll remember to **announce** my attack next time,' he gloated, his self-congratulatory tone supremely aggravating to her ears. _

_Men really do have some nerve._

_She shot him a deathly glare, mocking, 'No maybe next_ _time, you can **announce** before you cancel last-minute on our date with yet another 'thing that came up.'_

_His smile evaporated._

_A thing **had** come up. A very important thing for which he had to travel outside the Capital. Zuko had forgotten all about it and had to hurry out of his chamber last minute with no time to send a message to Mai. He couldn’t have told her this because she had got him a custom calendar to help with his schedule and fix this very problem. A calendar he was yet to glance at a second time. _

_He had really hoped she wouldn't still be mad at him. 'I'm sorry Mai. I just was so caught up with everything.'_

_She huffed in exasperation, turning away from him, hands still crossed defensively. He hadn’t just cancelled on her but had disappeared from the Capital for multiple days without so much as a word. She had been torn between being pissed and worrying herself sick. The last thing she wanted was for him to make this a habit._

_He took a step ahead, embracing her with his arms, chin resting on her shoulder, 'Don't be like that Mai, I missed you.'_

_She averted her face as he squeezed her tighter, 'I promise I’ll remember to write you next time. And I'll make it up to you. We'll go away for a vacation!'_

_Zuko looked for a distraction as she refused to respond, knowing she couldn't stay mad at him for too long. The unsightly giant window overlooking the Academy grounds caught his eye again. He protectively turned them both away from it, until his back faced it._

_'Tell me why the Fire Lord's girlfriend is so scantily clad in a room with a colossal window?' he spoke slowly._

_Mai couldn't help the little smile tugging at the corners of her mouth at his childlike possessiveness for her. 'No one can actually see anything from that window, we're too high up,' she replied dismissively, nonetheless breaking away as she reached around him for her robes._

_Grabbing her by the wrist again, he spun her around to look at him, 'No one can see anything, eh?' he smiled mischievously._


	3. Gooseberries (part 1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because we were deprived of Toph and Mai being buddies. It just makes sense.

Zuko breathed out mindfully, cutting through the previously pleasant breeziness of the wind that had escalated into more a substantial chilliness as quickly as the sun sank below the horizon. Mai, Toph, and Aang were yet to return from their trip to the outskirts of the forest. Aang had gone to return with more freshwater from a nearby stream. Mai had, once again, spent the day somewhere in the woods, foraging.

Yesterday she had brought back some edible berries, leaves, and nuts she had found during her walk. She had also brought back a carefully bundled set of what Zuko presumed were Touch-Me-Nots. She had carefully placed them in a tree bark which she had filled with water near her tent, choosing to not reveal their significance. They must have been special though, for she had checked in on them more than once since she had brought them over.

Today, she had volunteered to also meet General Mak on her way back to camp. Toph had jumped at the opportunity to do something and accompanied her out of boredom.

Earlier as she showed Zuko her latest ‘flying’ trick, Ty Lee had confided in him about her worries for Mai. She related how Mai's aunt and Michi had been delighted to have Ty Lee over, hoping it would uplift her mood. If Michi was starting to notice a difference in her behaviour, then something was surely off. Zuko wanted to know what was going through her head, he needed to get her to confide in somebody at all, if not him. Easier said than done.

He was reminded suddenly of Mai’s words from the day before – _That won’t work on me. I’m not Zuko._ Realising that words rarely fazed her, a risky idea flashed across his mind. Before the miniature Uncle Iroh in his head could warn him against it, he was distracted by three figures gliding over the forest floor towards the temple carrying what looked like a large basket.

‘Aang, Angry and Angrier are back’ he dusted his palms together, standing up from the ground.

Suki chortled, shaking her head, ‘Please don’t bring back these jokes to the Capital. As it is, you’re having a hard time with your advisors.’

Ty Lee who had been lounging below the acacia jumped to her feet at the sight of friends and possibly food.

As they approached the courtyard, Toph stopped the platform of Earth that they were using as transport. Aang set down the basket that floated ahead on a pocket of air.

‘What took you guys so long?’ Zuko questioned. He had grown uneasy waiting for them. Azula’s ability to show up anywhere and wreak havoc in his life made him jumpy at the slightest deviation from the ordinary. ‘Any news?’

Ty Lee who had rushed over to the large basket of fresh-looking litchis, caught herself at Zuko’s words, shyly withdrawing her outstretched hands, ‘Ah yes, the news. Is there… any of it?’

‘No news. No General Mak either.’ Toph fell to the ground with a thump, exhausted from their trip.

‘Why? What happened?’ Zuko’s eyes followed Mai as she walked over to her tree bark filled with Touch-Me-Nots, adding fresh ones from her trek today.

‘Don’t know. He sent another soldier with a basket of fruits and to be honest, the guy looked pretty spooked’ Mai said quietly, carefully ensuring each bud was at least partially submerged in water.

She turned around and for the first time in days looked Zuko directly in the eyes. Over their years together, he had gotten pretty good at knowing what was raging through her mind without her having to say a word. She had never been one for verbal communication anyway.

But just then, the reflection in her eyes evaded him. She didn’t look sad, or desperate or angry, he knew what those looked like on her. She looked tired, perhaps. Still, it seemed they hadn’t been separated for too long as Zuko understood her unspoken proposition.

Breaking their little electric moment of telepathy, Aang asked, ‘Do you trust General Mak?’

‘Of course, I do’ he firmly responded. General Mak was one of the few people in his kingdom he could trust completely. Then, nodding curtly at Mai he added, ‘But Mai’s right, we can’t stick around hoping for news. We’ll go to the city tomorrow. Enough waiting.’

With the Avatar’s resounding agreement, their further course was set. Immediately, the team minus Mai, sat down around the basket, ravenous and delighted to be feasting on something fresh and edible. As Mai slunk away towards her makeshift tent, Zuko wondered if he should go after her first.

Before his brain could respond, his stomach did. Mai could wait.

His gut puppeteered his fingers into peeling the litchis at lightning speed while his brain focused laggardly on seating him around the giant basket on the ground. The sweet juiciness of the fruit pushed his negative thoughts to the pits of his stomach from where he was too preoccupied to pull them up for the time being.

‘ _‘Mai’s right’_?’ Aang mumbled, cheeks bursting with litchis, ‘She spoke to you?’ smiling brightly at Zuko, he added, ‘You guys are speaking again!’

Zuko swallowed, ‘No…uh we aren’t. I just knew it’s what she…wanted to say. I guess…’ He struggled as the rest of them looked at him, a hand defensively shooting up to the back of his head, ‘You know what? Never mind that. Let’s just eat.’

‘I never know what to say around you guys’ Aang’s shoulders slumped as he displayed Avatar skills in managing to stuff more litchis into his mouth.

Post “dinner”, the team prepared for bed, having run through their plans to enter the city tomorrow and look for the Safe Nation hideout.

Zuko watched as Toph walked over to him where he sat under the acacia tree, sleepless once again.

‘Tell me why you guys are being weird again?’ she flopped down on the ground beside him, picking her teeth.

‘I never told you the first time’ he spoke without turning.

Toph grimaced, ‘This outgoing attitude why she left you?

‘If you knew, why did you ask?’ he groaned, not exactly welcoming this intervention.

‘Wanted to know how you felt about her, but your extreme defensiveness and ridiculous jump in heart rate around her have made that clear I guess.’

He hated being read like this. ‘Aren’t you the little cupid Toph’ he mocked under his breath.

‘I could be’ she smirked. Leaning back against the tree, her hands folded behind her head, ‘She’s with this guy, Lo Kei? Did you know?’

‘Kei Lo.’ he scowled, pulling out a tuft of grass he wasn’t aware he was grabbing, from the cracks in the concrete floor.

‘Ah yes, Kei Lo. She said he helped her get over you and that she was happy with him’ Toph replied.

‘Great. Thanks. Nice to know.’ Zuko spat, shifting to get up.

Toph raised an eyebrow, ‘But she doesn’t know that I can tell when someone’s lying.’

His face shot sideways at her, as he sat back down. He looked at her as she held her chin up in self-importance, impatient for her to continue, ‘Well? Was she?’

Toph crossed her legs enjoying his agony a little more than she probably should, ‘Say, do you like gooseberries?’

‘What?’ Zuko croaked, completely thrown off by the question.

Days of frustration, anger, and anxiety after finding out Mai had found somebody new, drained in from all the different places in his body that he had stashed them away in, collecting into a ball at the pit of his stomach.

He urgently egged on ‘Quit it Toph, I need to know what she said about me and her!’

‘She didn’t say anything’ she responded underhandedly, ‘Tell me, do you like gooseberries or not?’

The growing knot in his stomach powered through his veins ejecting from his palm in the form a dangerously high flame, burning the grass in his hands to a crisp, ‘No I don’t like gooseberries! I fucking hate gooseberries!’

The thousands of scenarios his mind had cooked up of him and Mai reuniting, in the wee hours of the morning as he lay awake, had been brutally torn to shreds when he had seen her holding hands with that other guy, smiling. It hadn’t been the same way she was with him, but it was something. It was too much.

There was silence as Zuko tried to calm his racing mind. If Mai didn’t really love Kei Lo and perhaps still had feelings for him, it would explain a lot about her behaviour. It would also explain why Kei Lo hadn’t come with her when she returned to the Capital looking for Tom-Tom.

Toph cleared her throat, reminding him she was still there.

Ignoring his (she supposed) brilliant display of anger, she spoke, ‘That soldier didn’t bring us that big basket of litchis. He brought us a small basket of gooseberries.’

Zuko stayed mum, unsure what this revelation meant. She continued.

‘I stayed a little behind when she went to meet the soldier, as a backup, in case of any funny business. She didn’t return with the basket right away, just stood by the forest edge even after the guy was gone.’

He listened, turning his head slightly towards Toph, ‘She was understandably frustrated, about not receiving any news. Although I was excited to finally just have edible food for us all she convinced me to wait a little longer, saying she knew farmers took that route often and that we could trade for something better. Soon enough, some farmers trudged up that hill. She tried to trade the gooseberries for some litchis and when they wouldn’t have it, she threatened them with her knives to sell her a big basket for her silver brooch. That sealed the deal of course. On our way back we fed the gooseberries to some turtleducks in the stream where we met Aang. I think she’s fed them before.’

Toph had found a perfectly sized straw to assist her picking, ‘She never explained her reasons, but it seemed to put her in a slightly better mood and I absolutely love litchis, so I didn’t question it.’ She shrugged adding, ‘Just thought you should know.’

Zuko didn’t respond. Countless thoughts and exclamations battled each other in his head, none emerging victorious on his lips. A minute or two passed as they both sat quietly under the tree, each occupied with their own musings, content in the quiet company.

Finally, he broke the silence. ‘Did you know Mai ran away from home too? Sometime right after you did.’

‘She did?’ Toph straightened, genuine curiosity in her voice.

‘Yes. It was that time her, Ty Lee and Azula were chasing you guys’ he sighed. ‘Her parents were too demanding. They always wanted her to act the way they thought she should. She couldn’t go where she wanted, learn what she wanted, wear what she wanted, fight, or do things by herself. It’s why she can be more shut off than the rest of us. Always trying to be the tough one.’

‘I know what that’s like’ Toph added quietly.

‘She taught herself the knife too, the way you learned Earth bending on your own’ Zuko continued. It wasn’t lost on him the way Toph sought Mai, perhaps sensing the similarities between them and how Mai seemed to take a liking to her too.

‘No way!’ she voiced excitedly, tossing aside the straw she was idling between her fingers.

He perked his brow at her, ‘She isn’t one for having a lot of company you know? So, she must really like having you around.’

Toph’s face snapped back into its standard dispassionate treatment at his words, ‘Like I care.’

Slinking back against the tree, she continued ‘I was just being nice to her because now that I’m an Earthbending master at my own academy, I know the importance of positive affirmations, and the girl seems to be having a rough time.’

‘It’s okay to like people Toph’ Zuko rolled his eyes exaggeratedly.

His face scrunched into a wince as he felt her knuckles collide hard against his upper arm, ‘Ow!’

‘Maybe you shouldn’t be the one lecturing me on liking people’ she reminded sweetly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Kudos and comments help motivate the writer and they're free so don't hesitate!


	4. Gooseberries (part 2)

_Face up on the needlessly large bed, a hand clutching his empty rumbling stomach, was how Fire Lord Zuko found himself at the end of a gruelling day. His eyes were narrowed in concentration at a point in the ornate ceiling of the massive guest chamber (that yes, he had already scavenged for food) at the Earth Kingdom palace. He had hoped that at the very least, being crowned the supreme commander of the Fire Nation meant his days of going to bed hungry, were behind him._

_After spending the entirety of his day meeting military and political officers from lands far and wide, exchanging ideas and exhausting his vocabulary of all sophisticated kingly words, he had been rather excited to end with the Half Solstice Festival as Earth King Kuei’s special guest. Especially since it would allow him to spend time with Mai who had travelled with him on this diplomatic trip. The thought of roaming the fair with her and feasting on delicious carnival food had his mouth watering._

_Little had he known that the main food of the festival was gooseberries, the prime harvest of the season. Gooseberries - the one thing he would never put anywhere near his mouth. There were gooseberry pancakes, gooseberry curry, gooseberry syrup dunked apples and **eugh** gooseberries just all by themselves, everywhere he looked._

_While his face was trained to not betray his emotions, his brain had thrown up all on the inside of his skull. He had patted himself on the back having masterfully avoided actually swallowing a gooseberry while appearing to enjoy the feast. Now he was mentally slapping himself, not having thought earlier about how he would get his dinner fix. To top it off, Mai too, had been frisked away by the Earth Queen and her friends right when they had started to lose some of the officers and guards that followed him all day._

_His stomach grumbled as he gave up his meditative staring that was doing very little for his poor mood._

_Zuko couldn’t help his lower lip jutting out, irritation building inside him as his Uncle-Iroh-sounding inner voice chimed in, reminding him how being denied food once in a while was good for a man’s ego. Humbled him with the vulnerability of his flesh cage or some other Jackalope manure._

_An involuntarily groan escaped his throat, quickly followed by one from his stomach as he clutched a pillow to his abdomen hoping for a rare night where he fell asleep._

_A sudden knock on the door of his room almost made him leap off his bed. He threw on his robe, grabbing his sword from his bedside, edging cautiously towards the door. He had no reason to expect company at this hour._

_His guards were placed all over the palace but the chances of him being ambushed were always higher when he was away from home. Who knew how many enemies he had harboured in his own nation, let alone in others? Far too many of his contemporaries believed in the strategy of simply eliminating opposition._

_He quickly looked over his shoulder to a window on the far side. If things got out of hand, that would be his way out. He paused, wielding his sword, by the door._

_Then he heard, a painfully drawn out whisper._

_‘Zu…ko! It’s…M!’ a hushed voice filtered through the door._

_Looking heavenward with a sigh of relief, he cast his worry, and the sword to the side and out of view. Heaving the wooden door of his chamber open, his eyes followed Mai as she scampered in._

_Zuko quickly checked the empty doorway, shutting the door behind her._

_‘What on earth is M?’_

_Mai was covered from head to toe in a black cloak, hunched over herself, fully looking the part of an ill-meaning spirit of an old witch who had lost her husband to the war._

_‘M. Mai?’ she responded, still whispering._

_‘I recognise your voice? Also, you could just say it was Mai.’ he blinked, confused._

_‘Idontknow’ she voiced under her breath, ‘Sneaking around is fun, I wanted to get into character.’ Pulling the hood off her head, she added, ‘Besides, I think we should probably have codes anyway, seeing as your visitors usually don’t stop by to just check in on you.’_

_‘Uh’ Zuko eyed the sword. The end peeking out from behind the red settee that he had chosen to hide the extent of his anxiety from Mai. It was clearly not large enough. ‘No that’s…we’re fine.’_

_He watched as she sat down on the carpet in the center of the room, still unsure as to why she had taken the pains to sneak away from her room on the opposite end of the castle to his own at this hour._

_'So um, hi.' he walked over, sitting down, across from her. Her head had disappeared into the thick cloak as she struggled to take it off with one hand. Finally throwing the cloak off herself, she emerged with a triumphant exhale, revealing a steaming bowl of noodles that she was carrying like a baby in her concealed hand._

_‘Just thought you might want this’ she smiled indolently._

_‘Spirits above!’ Zuko’s eyes lit up at the sight of food. He grabbed the bowl from her as his stomach grumbled loudly in gratitude. Without much regard for cutlery, he brought the bowl to his lips, an indecipherable exclamation of happiness escaping him as the delicious soup went down his throat._

_He closed his eyes in feeling the warm embrace of the soup ‘I was famished.’_

_‘I figured. That’s why I had to undertake this little-’ Mai’s fingers pinched together, ‘‘hopefully rescue Zuko from another sleepless night’ mission.’_

_Settling back comfortably, she drawled, ‘This castle is too large, and it’s freezing outside. I almost gave up halfway.’_

_He wished she could just stay with him. However, having not announced their relationship officially to the Fire Nation, which would involve getting engaged to Mai, meant they had to maintain a certain distance. While almost anyone with eyes could deduce that they were a couple, it was unbecoming of the Fire Lord to be caught romancing a woman he hadn’t committed to. Traditionally, a young Fire Lord was allowed to keep any number of women in private, but certain privileges (like sharing his royal chamber) were reserved for the Fire Lady who up until now had been chosen via arranged alliances. All this was of course, Ostrichhorseshit to Zuko and Mai, but given that he was already suffering from a lack of respectable reputation among nobility, a single misstep could brand him with the young, brazen rebel image the Resistance had painted of him. Not to mention, in absence of a promise of marriage, Mai’s parents would object to their daughter being seen as some kind of royal courtesan to Zuko._

_Mai’s face wore a look of satisfaction as she watched him slurping on the noodles, enjoying his dinner, as she pulled her knees up to her chest._

_He extended his hand, raising a bite to her, ‘hm?’_

_‘No thanks, I had a lot of_ **_amazing_ ** _food at the festival since I’m actually an adult that isn’t picky about food’ she replied flatly, pushing his hand away._

 _‘Your ability to lie with a Paishoface is astounding’ Zuko spoke with a mouthful of food, ‘You’ve refused to eat anything that has even been touched by bananas, you loathe jellyoysters, one time you sent back a delectable dish simply because it had black rice and you also said you would rather_ **_die_ ** _than ever eat spi-_

_‘Okay okay! Just eat.’ Mai cut him off placing her hand under the bowl, pushing it up to him. ‘I prefer to forget that my boyfriend is a banana apologist’ she added, annoyed._

_His head was bent toward the bowl, the smell of his favourite ginger root, presently feeding his soul. Shocking how a simple preparation could sometimes pale banquets. ‘So good’ he mouthed at her, closing his eyes in utter gratification._

_‘That’s M’s Delivery Service for you’ Mai winked, tipping her imaginary hat, ‘You can call for us at don’t-call-for-us-because-we-won’t-do-this-ever-again.’_

_Zuko chuckled, ‘So, what did you do all day then.’_

_‘Nothing interesting’ he felt her sleeve at the corner of his mouth as she reached up to wipe his face. ‘If you asked me to tell you one thing from the ten thousand things the Earth Queen blabbered about the entire day – I couldn’t tell you’ she shrugged, ‘After ten minutes in her presence, I mentally projected myself across to the Spirit World, I think. My body was a shell, I was never there.’_

_He flashed his lopsided grin at her. If Mai was going to be Fire Lady someday, then this was good practice for all the socialising she would have to put up with._

_‘So’ he continued, ‘I mentioned your idea for a central irrigation system for higher yield and less water wastage to the Earth King today.’_

_‘…you did?’ Mai asked slowly, not wanting to come off too invested just yet. Her eyes followed Zuko as he went in for another bite._

_‘Yes. He thought it was very interesting. And tomorrow he’d like you to join our delegation going to visit the kingdom’s corn fields outside the city gates.’ he raised his eyebrows at her as she sat up straighter, eyes twinkling, ‘He said he would send for you in the morning, I just thought I’d give you a heads up.’_

_A rare smile that cracked wide across her face, lit her up. Mai squeezed her shoulders, unable to contain her excitement at not having to spend another headache-inducing day with the Earth Queen and finding an audience with Earth King Kuei for her ideas. She leaned in; hands outstretched with the intention to suffocate Zuko with an affectionate hug. Then moments before her hands would wrap around his neck, she stopped abruptly, hands dropping to her knees._

_Her eyebrows snapped together, ‘Zuko, did you make him?’_

_He looked up at the sudden change in her demeanour to catch her looking gravely at him._

_‘What. No! Of course, I didn’t.’_

_Mai turned her head, looking at him through her narrowed, suspicious eyes._

_‘I swear he really liked your idea all by himself. I only mentioned it.’ Zuko continued, ‘He wants to talk to you about it.’_

_Convinced, she relaxed her gaze. Her face grew softer as her smile creeped slowly back._

_Zuko shook his head at her, rolling his eyes, ‘You couldn’t mentally project yourself into the Spirit World for shu, you have the littlest faith in yourself.’_

_He knew Mai was knowledgeable about governance because of all the time she spent around her father who had been one of Ozai’s most trusted allies and a governor himself. She also had a natural inclination towards it right from her days in the Academy. She had been Zuko’s sounding board for all his policy propositions and he deeply valued her well-founded inputs. While he was confident that she would make an incredible Lady to the Fire Lord he also had plans to induct her into the court as a Royal Advisor. He knew she would never agree to the position if he simply put her up to it, so he decided it would be good for her to make a reputation for herself among advisors and government higher-ups. However, since she rarely put herself out there, he would._

_‘What should I wear tomorrow?’ Mai asked, the glee in her voice adorably obvious._

_‘What you usually wear?’ he responded, going after his noodles._

_‘Okay’ she chirped._

_Zuko looked up from his bowl to see her smiling ear to ear. It was almost comical, ‘You need to calm down. Scary when you smile like that.’_

_Her face fell in an instant. ‘Thanks’ she replied sardonically._

_‘I’m joking’ he grinned, grabbing her chin as he fed her a mouthful of noodles._

_He watched her chew indignantly. Mai definitely had a flair for dramatics. She pretended like watching travelling plays didn’t interest her, but never stopped complaining about all the things they could do differently._

_Zuko had tried to be more positive in his approach towards life and leadership, pulling a page from Aang’s book. But he couldn’t change that his guilty pleasure was still holding Mai at the end of the day, as they complained about the most inconsequential things and picked them apart pitilessly. Often, there was no remedy for a sour mood quite like being petty._

_Armed with Mai’s expert skills in that department, they were set._

_During open courts where citizens gathered and raised their spiritual and social complaints to the Fire Sages and Royal Advisors, Zuko would disguise himself in plainclothes and join Mai in the audience. It was a practice that gave him great insight into the citizens’ concerns._

_Mai’s brutal gaze would follow each of the snooty old men as they entered, taking their seats._

_‘So that one’s Wan Yu, right?’ she had pointed at a Fire Sage slowly making his way to his seat, unusually dark circles punctuating his spaced-out gaze._

_‘No, I told you Wan Yu’s the one who looks like he’s drowning in his robes’ Zuko whispered, hoping to avoid being spotted in the crowd._

_‘Oh, I thought for sure Wan Yu was the one that looked like he tripped on Cactus Juice for forty years straight, then quit cold turkeyduck when his head got slapped off his brainstem by Avatar Kyoshi on one of his herbally induced Spirit World trips’ Mai clarified glumly. Her fingers dancing spookily, highlighting a Spirit World experience on cactus juice._

_Zuko stifled his laugh, forcing it out like a cough, immediately raising a hand to cover his mouth. Looking now at Wen Li and not Wan Yu, he noticed how his head really was off its axis._

_‘AH HA HA HA HA! That’s a good one!’ Uncle Iroh bellowed behind them, inviting the stares of everyone in a ten-meter radius._

_‘Uncle!’ Zuko had hushed, sliding down in his seat. Mai was already fleeing the scene, hand covering her face._

_Later, when he would feel his throat going dry from the intimidating glares of the Fire Sages at a Conference of Fire when he had proposed yet another ‘radical’ amendment, Zuko would bring to mind her ridiculous dressing down of the Sages. It was an extremely effective antidote to the anxiety threatening to burst forth through his ribcage and spill into his guts rendering him speechless._

_‘Tomorrow, let’s go get that picture taken’ he spoke between bites, lifting his head to look at Mai._

_‘Oh? The picture? I thought you didn’t want the picture?’ Mai scorned raising her eyebrows._

_Zuko had quickly declined earlier today when she had suggested they take a picture together at the fair. She had been dejected at the plainness of it. She knew Zuko’s position meant he had to be serious in public and maintain a certain decorum around her, but sometimes she wished they could just be a normal couple doing normal things._

_‘I do want it’ he said, reaching across to squeeze her hand, ‘_ ** _And_** _we’ll take it with our arms around each other. Not standing side by side like buddies.’_

_They had plenty of them standing side by side like buddies._

_‘HA! Please Zuko, I know you’ Mai scoffed, pulling her hand away and pointing a finger only inches from his nose. ‘Tomorrow you’re going stand beside me, hands straight by your side, five inches apart shoulder to shoulder, like we’re Fire Nation soldiers being photographed with our Bravery Medals.’_

_Zuko tried to hide his smile as he bent over the bowl, focusing on picking up every last piece of pak choi off the bottom. He probably would do that. He wished he didn’t have to, but he did. He could hold Mai to his heart’s content when they were alone or among trusted friends, but being Fire Lord was proving to be increasingly tricky and dangerous. He didn’t want her or her family to suffer at the expense of his bad decisions or be seen as his weakness to be taken advantage of by his countless enemies._

_Sometimes he wondered if it was too much to ask of her._

_Three soft knocks on the door drew his attention, as Mai suddenly got up, bending down quickly to kiss him on the cheek. ‘That must be Li Yan.’_

_‘Who’s that?’ Zuko asked confused, watching as she hurriedly gathered her cloak._

_‘She’s the cook from the castle’s pantry that made these noodles and snuck me here. Don’t worry, I told her you were sick and needed this. She won’t tell anyone I was here either’ Mai assured, starting across the room._

_‘I thought you were going to stay’ he announced despairingly._

_‘You crazy?’ her voice dropped to a whisper as she covered herself with the cloak, ‘Let one of these guards casually rat you out and the Fire Sages will have a ball painting you as a self-indulgent non-committed ruler to the whole world. Bye.’_

_His eyes softened at the concern Mai showed for not just him, but his duties and responsibilities. She really had his back like nobody else._

_The door opened as he saw a young girl waiting impatiently for Mai, bowing nervously as she made eye contact with Zuko._

_Mai stopped by the door on her way out and before pulling it shut, bowed to him. Zuko guessed, to bring in the air of professionalism, and avoid having the cook’s imagination run wild._

_‘Good night, Fire Lord.’_

_Knowing Mai was proficient enough to handle the situation, Zuko would be lying if he said he had genuinely tried to stop himself, when he winked and loudly called after her, ‘See ya later, sweet sugar cakes!’_

_The door shut behind her, but not before he caught a glimpse of Mai’s horrified expression. He threw his head back, laughing at the effect only he could have on her._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Genuinely curious if my Maiko resonates with how others imagine them. Let me know if they do or don't for you :)


	5. Half-turths (part 1)

Sometimes an idea was so good, there were hardly any doubts that one should execute it. Other times, one was shocked an idea so inhumanly stupid had not only occurred somewhere in depths of one’s mind but also pushed forth to the front of said mind.

With Zuko, it was none of these. His tired brain had lost the ability to identify smart from senseless. He wasn’t sure if his idea for an intervention with Mai was praise-worthy or a death wish, but doing something instead of watching her suffer in silence seemed like the right alternative, at least to his sleep-deprived mass of nerves.

And so, he was making his way over to where Mai and Ty Lee were put up, both assumedly settling down for the night in their respective tents.

Zuko looked over purposefully to the tree bark where Mai kept her Touch-Me-Nots, the primary prop of his ruse.

Tiptoeing over to Ty Lee’s tent, he carefully peeked inside. She looked at him, eyes wide in befuddlement as he motioned with his hands for her to follow him outside. 

Mai sat inside her tent rubbing her arms from the chilliness that the tarp had failed to keep out, her chin lowered to her chest in a bid to preserve her body heat. All through the evening, she hadn’t stopped thinking about what would happen tomorrow, her intrusive thoughts gobbling up any appetite she might have built up through the day.

Here’s what was going to happen - she was going to find Tom-Tom. She was going to hold him, hug him, and buy him all the cookies he wanted. She was going to find him.

She would also find her father, and the Fire Lord would rightfully put him away in prison for high treason. As much as she tried to avoid it, imagining a future where Tom-Tom grew up fatherless, was gut-wrenching. She wondered where he was now, snaking her hands around her stomach. He could be cold, in some dark dingy room. The poor boy must be so scared without his family.

She doubled over, hoping to physically contain the uneasiness that splashed about in her body.

What if she failed to find him tomorrow? She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to curb the rising panic as she desperately rummaged for the memory of the last thing she had said to him. Was it about Touch-Me-Nots? He had named every one of those in the store ‘Mai’. Maybe it was about the green rock he had picked up on his way back from school? Every day, Tom-Tom would pick the dirtiest rocks and sticks off the ground and bring them to her as gifts. She would smile at him, then with minimal contact, she would drop the ‘gifts’ into a glass jar below the counter where she liked to keep them.

There was a time she had preferred to treat him like he was invisible. A younger Mai had seen him as her replacement, the point sufficiently driven home when her father had held the newly arrived baby and stated that his family was ‘now finally complete’.

She moved to the ground, laying as she held herself in the cold, pulling her knees up.

It wasn’t until visible cracks started to show in her parents’ relationship that Mai realised, she had to take care of Tom-Tom and be there for him. Adults had a way of tainting innocent children in the process of dealing with their own messy lives. Once she had taken it upon herself to keep Tom-Tom from that, the two were inseparable. Her little brother was the only truly uncorrupted aspect of her life. He loved her with every inch of his heart and expected nothing in return. Except maybe chocolate cookies.

She felt her breathing getting laborious and heavy. Her fingers fumbled under her drapes for her belt as she loosened it. She eyes stayed shut as she felt herself shiver, hopefully from the cold. With her mouth slightly ajar, she forced oxygen into her body with slow deliberate breaths.

 _Focus on breathing Mai, you’re fine._ She had to hold it together for Tom-Tom. She was going to find him.

Ever since she had left the Capital, _this_ , whatever it was, had gotten worse. Back home, she never let it get this bad. She would take out her frustrations on the wooden mannequins in the Academy, or she would lock herself in her room with her extravagant vanity and fuss after her hair for hours, or on especially horrible days when she needed a distraction more than ever, she would go find Zuko. _Zuko._

Shaking her head, violently derailing her thoughts, she reminded herself of the small travel comb that she kept hidden in the many layers of her sleeves as she sat back straight. Her head clearer now as her breathing let up.

Brushing her hair down always did the trick for slowing down her unravelling mind. With each knot she smoothed, her convoluted thoughts would untangle themselves. After all the times that her parents refused to let her spar, meticulously taking herself through each step in her tedious hair routine had become a meditative practice for her. Her hair never gave her ugly surprises and did exactly what she wanted it to. She felt in control.

 _Everything else seems to be falling through my grasp anyway_ she thought despairingly, pulling out her comb. She stopped short of reaching of her hair, when she recognised Zuko’s voice, unexpectedly somewhere outside her tent.

‘You’re right Ty Lee, there _are_ too many mosquitos out tonight. They can be deadly so we should do something about them.’

‘Uh. Sure.’ Ty Lee was looking at Zuko with visible confusion, unsure of what was going on.

He blinked reassuringly at her before continuing.

‘Uncle Iroh once told me that the fumes of Touch-Me-Nots irritate mosquitos. They’ll leave us alone’ he said, raising his volume to ensure Mai could hear him, hoping she wasn’t already asleep.

Alarmed, Ty Lee whispered urgently to him, ‘Cut it out!’ she glanced over to Mai’s tent, fervently motioning with her hands for him to stop. He grabbed the plant, ignoring Ty Lee. It was too late to back down.

He had to resist spinning around instantly as he heard the flap to Mai’s tent fly open behind him, as she rushed out.

Mai pulled her robes tightly around her, stopping in her tracks as she looked up to see Zuko holding a bunch of flaming stalks in his hands swinging them around smoking up the place.

Her eyes were wide in shock as she reeled from trying to understand what had just happened, eyes tearing through the empty tree bark beside her tent.

‘WHAT ARE YOU _DOING_!’ she yelled; voice hoarse from the cold and the sudden strain.

He swung around, looking up at the burning bush in his hands, ‘Oh!’ a look of feigned innocence on his face, ‘Sorry Mai. I’ll just get you more tomorrow. These were starting to dry anyway’ he shrugged, returning to his ‘mosquito fumigation’.

Her heels dug into the ground as her palms balled up beside her. She closed her eyes, feeling the blood rushing to her brain as she tried to control the outburst she felt building up. All the affirming voices asking her to hold herself together overlapped each other, rising into an unbearable cacophony in her head, hands trembling with the effort of holding back her almost uncontrollable rage.

If he thought he could get away with this, he had forgotten her.

‘Guys…’ Ty Lee slowly backed away, switching her gaze between the two, uncertain if she should stick around to find out what happened next.

Two shurikens whizzed past either of Zuko’s ears. Dropping the burning stalks, he swivelled on his heel just in time to dodge another knife coming at him from Mai’s direction, using his Bending to propel himself away.

‘How dare you’ her voice quiet, yet carrying a fierceness that almost made Ty Lee shiver.

He didn’t respond. Both looking at each other from across the open distance between them, their vision aided by an almost full moon. Zuko pushed his foot back raising his hands in a defensive Firebending stance as if to challenge her.

A second passed; despite the wind, the air between them felt heavy and thick. Not being able to read her face that was thrown into the sharp shadows of the night, he worried that she would suppress herself again. He didn’t have to wait too long to find out, as he watched in slow motion, the swift movements of her hands reaching into her sleeves, sending sharp knives flying in his direction again. Her intention to pin him down…at the very least.

Zuko deflected, using years of defensive training. He also knew her pattern, he’d seen it too many times. Mai chased after him, as he sprinted away focused on avoiding her deathly precision.

Suki and Aang who had heard the commotion, ran up to Ty Lee as she watched them disappear behind the thicket of trees and into the forest.

‘Let’s go! Zuko needs our help!’ Suki charged.

‘No, Suki. I think he knows what he’s doing’ she gripped Suki's wrist, adding, ‘Mai won’t hurt him.’

‘Flameo’ Aang muttered, eyes wide, watching plumes of fire go up in the distance. 

Mai ran through the woods, her feet light on the marshy soil that worked against her, instinctively following the sound of Zuko’s feet ahead. She had been running for about a minute now, unable to aim in the dark, going deeper and deeper into the forest.

Suddenly she wasn’t sure why she was chasing him at all. Why was she so angry about the flowers and why had he not defended himself?

The grim musings that had blissfully evaded her for the past minute as she chased him, were slowly making their way back in. The haze of false purpose was ascending. Mai panted, feeling her anger dissolve into the constant tiredness, that of late, she had accepted as a permanent part of her life. So much so that she was surprised at the adrenaline-powered sense of freedom she had just felt, even for a few minutes, in absence of the looming weariness of the past months.

Her feet struggled to keep up with her thoughts as she lost focus of him. What would she even do if she caught up with him? He wasn’t her boyfriend anymore; he was the Fire Lord. What she was doing was treasonous, not to mention _stupid_. She wanted to give in to the building frustration and scream, tired of fighting it. Her feet staggered to a stop, knees buckling as she dropped down to the forest floor. She placed a steady hand on her heaving chest, gulping in air as she tried to catch her breath.

She realised what Zuko was trying to do. He wanted to help; she could see that. She noticed the efforts he made to try and speak to her, and the concerned glances he couldn’t hold back. It would be a blatant lie to say that the chase hadn’t lifted her mind to the clearest it had been in days, but her body felt weak again.

The crunching of leaves under his feet grew louder over the dragging of her own breath. She didn’t want him to see her like this, but her legs didn’t have the stamina to pull her weight just yet. She forced her shoulders back, salvaging some dignity from the upright posture she was taught to hold.

Zuko’s shadow, cast from the ball of light on the makeshift torch he carried with him, grew larger as he walked up to her.

‘That’s it?’ he towered above her.

Mai didn’t look up, brushing the dirt from her robes; feeling both cold and warm on the forest floor.

‘I know what you’re trying to do and I’m not falling for it’ she said calmly, having caught her breath and regained her cool. ‘I’m fine. Your concern is misdirected.’

She was shrinking away again.

‘Stop this Mai!’ he exclaimed; voice bitter with frustration. Dropping to his knees in front of her, he stuck the torch in the pliable soil beside him with excessive force. ‘You look miserable! We know you’re anxious about Tom-Tom; we’re _all_ worried about the children. Talk to us! I’ve lost Kiyi too!’

She could feel his intense stare boring into her even as she looked down at her hands, folded primly in her lap, ‘If you’re worried, then tell us! If you’re tired, let us look out for you. You want to come at me for not being able to keep your family safe from Azula? Then come at me! I deserve it. If you hate me, Mai, tell me!’

Closing her eyes, she felt the deliberate flow of air through her lungs. She was not going to let him make this about something it wasn’t.

She focused on her immediate thoughts, ‘You shouldn’t have burned the Touch-Me-Nots. Those were Tom-Tom’s favourite.’

He sighed, settling down on the ground across from her, running his hand through his hair that was mussed from the chase, ‘They’re safe, behind the tree bark.’

Her eyes shot up at him in bewilderment, yet she couldn’t really say she was shocked.

Zuko avoided her gaze as he gently took her hands in his, taken slightly aback at the chipped black paint on her nails. He didn’t think he had ever seen her nails even slightly imperfect.

‘I had to do it, Mai. Ty Lee said even Michi was worried about you. We need you to stop bottling it all up. I know how you can get.’ He spoke as she stared down at her hands in his. ‘You came a long way in opening up but now you’re more shut down than you ever were’ he hesitated before continuing, ‘I know it’s my fault but –’

‘It’s not your fault and I don’t hate you Zuko’ she spoke softly pulling her hands back to herself, slipping them into her sleeves. ‘But please don’t act like you know what’s going on with me.’

His eyes narrowed in anger; feeling the last of his patience slipping away.

‘So, we’re just going to pretend that we don’t know each other after being friends and then being together for years? You want to pretend like we were strangers this whole time? Please don’t lie to yourself.’

He closed his eyes, blurting before he could catch himself ‘I miss you.’

‘Stop it Zuko’ she responded sharply, eyes darting up to confront his boldness, her efforts at remaining calm faltering. ‘I’m not here so you can emotionally manipulate me into missing what we had. I’m fine now and I’m seeing Kei Lo.’

‘Do you feel the same way about him as you did for me?’ Zuko asked, without missing a beat.

‘Why are you doing this? We are over.’ she stared at him.

‘Just answer my question Mai, I need to know.’ he pressed on, watching the contours of her face shift in the harsh light of the flame beside them.

‘Of course. Yes. Sorry, I forgot it’s always about what _you_ need’ she responded curtly, ‘I don’t love Kei Lo as much as he loves me and that is how I need it to be. I’m never letting _anyone_ get to me the way you did so that they can make me look like a complete fool. I’m done just being an ornamental piece in people’s lives.’

Zuko’s voice was heavy with remorse, ‘I’ve never been more candid with anyone in my life than I am with you. I’m sorry I had a hard time sharing myself uninhibitedly, I was just protecting you! I’ve lost too many people close to me and it made me paranoid about you.’

Mai scoffed turning to the side, refusing to make eye contact.

He felt the irritation rising up from his gut.

‘But it’s not just me either. You hide things too! You always want to make it about me. I need to share what I’m thinking and how I’m feeling, but what about you? Why are you so closed off? Did I not give you enough reasons to trust me?’ Zuko questioned, his throat beginning to hurt from the constriction that grew around it.

‘I can tell when you’re unhappy or angry because I _know_ you, but you never share. I was always left wondering how you really felt about me. What you _really_ wanted from me, from yourself, from our relationship. You took care of me but I wanted to take care of you too! If you were so hurt by what I did how come you never said anything? Never gave us a chance to talk it out? Just got fed up and left?’

Mai turned to look at him. Lips parted, the hurt in her eyes shining through the tears that glinted in the firelight.

Zuko had seen her like this once before.

‘I’m sorry I didn’t realise wanting your boyfriend to tell you what keeps him up at night needed an intervention. And I’m sorry that despite everything I’ve ever done for you; you were confused about how I really felt’ her otherwise unshifting gravelly voice tensed to maintain an even tone. ‘Yes, I don’t express myself very well. Yes, I’m not as put together emotionally as you, but it’s not like you didn’t know exactly how I was for years before you courted me. I’m not the best at sharing my mind but I tried for you.’ she paused, letting herself breathe down the sob that threatened to break forth from her chest.

‘But you? You broke my heart Zuko. Twice! And I’m the moron that let you. Both times you were so preoccupied _protecting_ me from your mess that you never burdened me with your worries.’

Her jaw was clenched now, her eyes taking on a ferocity as she blinked back her tears, ‘ _I_ tracked down the Avatar and his friends and stood up to Azula. _I_ fought hundreds of armed guards and Benders. _I_ survived a high-security Fire Nation prison and _I_ helped capture Ba Sing Se with two other girls at fifteen! Please tell me how could I be stronger for you!?’ Mai thundered, leaning forward, baring more of her soul than she had wished to.

Zuko didn’t look away, he wasn’t sure if he could, at this moment when Mai was telling him more than she ever had. Her words stung like the thin deadly cuts her shuriken could cause on skin.

Catching herself having lost control of her emotions, she blinked, looking away consciously; her hands reflexively reaching up to her hair. With a shaky exhale, she unclenched her shoulders that were taut from a combination of cold and exertion.

Zuko sat wordlessly, the odd sounds of the forest and the occasional chirp of the crickets dispelling the silence.

After a moment, Mai continued, calmer now and more composed, ‘But I’ve realised it wasn’t all your fault. You are the Fire Lord. You have the responsibilities of a whole nation and very little guidance to shoulder them. Besides, I was too much of a mess myself to be in a relationship.’

She added sincerely, ‘You’ve been good to me Zuko, I didn’t forget that. Forgive me if I’ve been hostile, but I really don’t…I don’t want us to hate each other.’

‘You left the city’ he quietly reminded. He was shattered when he found out that the very next day, Mai had packed her bags and moved away with her family. Never having once informed him or anyone else where she was going. It had taken every last bit of his resolve to not set the royal guards to find her whereabouts and simply trust that she was okay. If she wanted him out of her life that bad, he was going to respect her wishes.

‘I left for more reasons than one’ she spoke, ‘I’m sorry I walked out the way I did. It was the only way I could.’

She sighed then, attempting a hollow smile, ‘Maybe one day in the future, we can talk about all this. One day when we’re both a little healed.’

‘Mai…’ he spoke softly, watching her gather her robes around her as she pulled herself up with what little esteem she could gather.

He continued urgently, ‘I never saw you as weak. I drew my strength from _you_! You are so worried your emotions will give away the fact that you hurt like the rest of us that you hide yourself from everyone. Even me.’

Her sleeve brushed past his cheek, the scent of jasmines a painful trigger, as she reached across to grab the torch from his side, ‘I’ve made my peace and you should too’ her face lit up brilliantly from his flame, lips chapped from the cold, ‘Bye Zuko.’

His eyes grew wide as he fought the vines tangled around his feet to get up, a hint of desperation seeping into his voice, ‘Mai you have to give us another chance. I know we weren’t perfect, but you can’t deny that we were happy together. I’m sorry I was such a terrible boyfriend but I promise to do better!’

Mai was glad her back was to Zuko, unsure if she could voice herself if she still faced him, ‘You weren’t a terrible boyfriend; I think I just wasn’t the girl you were supposed to be with.’

The crunching of the leaves, announced her departure as she walked away, leaving him in darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a tough one. The next one will be lighter I promise. Thank you for reading!


	6. Half-turths (part 2)

_Mai pulled down her sleeves, glancing around the ample barren grassland, wondering if she had somehow misread Zuko’s note._

_Why would he ask her to come to this creepy place? She peered ahead, focusing on the large dark dome-shaped building in the distance, overwhelmingly surrounded by emptiness for miles around it. Not another human being or animal in sight. She paddled ahead cautiously through the grass, pulling her robes tightly around her._

_It had taken an hour’s worth of pondering and posing in front of her mirror for Mai to convince herself that today was the day to finally surprise Zuko with the package that had arrived weeks ago in her mail. Now walking alone in this haunted field, she realised it certainly was not._

_‘Can’t be right’, she grunted in annoyance. Zuko's unclear directions had left her stranded in a field and him probably expecting her in some random part of the Capital._

_His loss._

_Seconds away from pivoting on her heel and making a beeline for her palanquin, Mai paused, seeing sparks go up ahead. Squinting, she noticed a small familiar figure standing all the way on top of the dome, waving at her._

_She sighed dramatically. **Unbelievable.**_

_She waded as briskly as possible through the knee-high grass in his direction, carefully watching her step. It was far too lovely an evening to be poisoned to death by a territorial snake._

_Braving an unnecessarily long trek, she reached the structure that seemed even more dreadful up close. All black stone, with zero indications of what it held inside. If she had to make a guess, based on the bones that lined the side of the building, she might think the spirits of the Kemurikage brought back little children to this den to devour them._

_Zuko reached out his hand for her to take as she climbed up the dome using the metal steps on its side._

_‘Is this where you wanted me to come?’ she strained with the effort of pulling herself up, the wind not helping._

_‘Yeah!’ he beamed, leaning in to kiss her on the cheek. His hair emulated the grassland behind him, tousled and raging in the wind, like a halo of boyish charm around his head, perfectly accompanied by his impish lopsided grin. ‘You look beautiful today.’_

_‘As opposed to every other day?’ she raised a brow, stepping closer._

_‘Exactl- No.’ he interrupted himself abruptly. Sighing, he added, ‘See I thought you would say ‘but I look the same as I always do’ and I would say ‘Exactly’ and then you would blush.’_

_Mai looked over his shoulder, face scrunched as she raised an arm at the vast expanse of emptiness, its desolation challenged only by the diabolic architecture they stood on. ‘I almost walked back from the entrance Zuko. This is a morgue?’_

_‘It’s not a morgue’ he explained, ‘They’re catacombs. **The** Dragonbone Catacombs.’ _

_The confidence with which he clarified that he **had** in fact picked a burial ground for their date was almost endearing._

_‘Oh, is it really?’ Mai fluttered her lashes up at him, 'You picked the place where one day your dead body will be buried, for our date Zuko?' her words drenched in honey and sarcasm, 'That’s so thoughtful and romantic!’_

_‘I thought it was’ he shrugged, muttering under his breath, as she rolled her eyes, tapping him upside his head playfully. She was lightly holding on to the front of his robes. If she fell off this dome, she was going to pull him down as well._

_‘Okay but just look!’ Zuko grabbed her by the waist, bringing her along. She held on to him as he led her towards a smaller structure located behind the larger building that Mai hadn’t seen earlier._

_She glanced down at the cozier, flatter terrace that didn’t seem to have any other access point, than the dome they stood on presently. As they climbed down onto it, she looked ahead facing only the large open grassland and the horizon. No roads, no trees, no buildings. Just them, the grass and an endless orange sky._

_It was breath-taking._

_‘Spirits above’ she whispered, gaping at the spectacular view, her hands instinctively wrapping around Zuko’s waist. His strong arms pulling her in closer by her shoulders almost reflexively. As his arms went around her, so did the cape of his robes, cocooning her from the cold._

_She smiled. Her private blanket._

_Just then, as the wind choreographed the grass into waves upon a turbulent ocean in front of her, she could pretend like they were on a ship, alone together on the high seas. Far away from all land, and its obligations. They were the awkward teenagers fumbling around each other on the voyage back from Ba Sing Se, once again. She almost giggled as she thought about how desperately her younger self had tried to not be seasick around her new boyfriend. Had failed majestically, emptying her guts out on the side of the warship in full public display, and spent the next two days avoiding Zuko out of embarrassment._

_The sky emitted a dim glow powered by the final rays of the sun that retreated hastily to its shelter below the horizon. She watched, as Zuko’s fingers shot sparks, lighting up the gas lamps surrounding the lush picnic carpet in the center. A small table held a teapot and some of Mai’s favourite snacks – fruit tarts, biscuits, and cucumber sandwiches. He had also brought in a telescope that sat to the side for some stargazing. Her favourite activity for the rare clear nights in the Capital._

_Noticing the clashing colours of the carpet and the table, the mismatched plates, and a lack of teaspoons it was obvious to her that Zuko had set this up all by himself. Funny how the grandest gestures failed to amuse her, but a less-than-perfect attempt at an evening tea spread filled her heart with warm gooey love._

_She reached her head up sideways, kissing him on the lips, ‘You know, sometimes I wonder if maybe life would be more exciting as a regular civilian couple’ she mused, ‘but then every time you pull off something like this and prove me wrong.’_

_Zuko straightened in mock displeasure, ‘You underestimate my abilities, good lady. I could sweep you off your feet even as a poor potato farmer.’_

_‘I'll give you that’ she admitted, smiling as she rested her forehead on his chest taking in a view, that she didn’t even know existed in the Capital which was otherwise speckled with large houses, buildings, roads, tanks, and army check posts._

_They sat down on the carpet, leaning back against the wall still wrapped up in one another, quietly enjoying the dying light._

_There may never come a day when she would cease to be amazed at how her every complaint, anger, resentment, inconvenience, doubt, insecurity would disappear the moment she found herself in Zuko’s embrace. They would return, they always did, but for a while, none of it mattered. It didn’t take much, just his familiar warmth._

_She thought back to the early days of their relationship when Zuko hadn’t been the most comfortable with touch. Having been starved of it for too long. A young boy banished from his home, family, and friends. Spending months at sea carrying the weight of his father’s treachery. Chasing the Avatar when he should have been skipping lessons, fighting for his honour when he should have been fighting boys in the Academy courtyard, sneaking into cities as refugees when he should have been sneaking around the Fire Banyan kissing girls instead._

_So, Mai understood when he had preferred to keep her at arm’s length as much as he could. But she couldn’t help herself. She wanted to make her presence felt. Wanted to ground him to the present through her, for when his thoughts got too heavy. Wanted to feel grounded herself._

_It could be the most inconsequential of contacts. A brushing of the back of hands, a finger idling in his hair, her cheek grazing the satin fabric by his shoulder. She couldn’t let him drift too far out of her grasp again. Needed him to feel loved in the only way she knew how. Her actions forever making up for the words that got lost on their way from her mind to her lips._

_She loved him. She knew he knew that. She hoped he could feel it every time she held him. It was in the quickening of her heartbeat, in the tightening of her fingers in his, in the smile she couldn’t keep away, in the dancing of her eyes as she followed his. But no matter how long they held each other, it always came to an end too soon. Mai had to return home before light or Zuko had to return to his duties as the Fire Lord._

_She could give herself butterflies thinking of the day this distance between them would vanish. A day when they could legally and socially and publicly be together. But that day wouldn’t come any time soon. For now, they only had these stolen moments._

_She brushed off the mango tart crumbs that had scattered across her front as a result of her animated storytelling efforts. Zuko laughed as she tried to articulate a dream she had had where she was invited to The Avatar’s and Ty Lee’s wedding. Ty Lee had thought Mai was trying to poison her with fruit tarts and marry the Avatar herself. The following morning Mai had been disturbed by the dream, now relaying it to Zuko she could see the ridiculous hilarity of it._

_The sky changed colours, passing through almost every hue in the rainbow, as they sat below it spelling out the details of their respective weeks._

_Soon the stars came out to play, the orange from the flames around them, replacing the orange from the sky. Zuko lay down all the recent clues he had picked up in their ongoing investigation on whether one of his bodyguards and the girl who brought him his daily morning briefings, fancied each other or not. Mai was convinced that simply because the guard had offered to carry her scrolls every single day, he was into her. Zuko thought he was just being a gentleman. Besides, he was almost certain he had seen the girl making eyes at his **other** bodyguard. _

_Heating up a cup of the tea, he brought it over to Mai as the temperature dropped a few more degrees, the sky now completely dark. He watched as she lifted the cup to her lips, hoping she would enjoy the tea he had brewed for her._

_‘I –_

_She winced, ‘Definitely needs more sugar.’_

_‘-made the tea’ Zuko sighed._

_‘Oh’ her eyes widened, eyebrows slanted apologetically, in contrast to her lips that were pressed together holding in her laugh, ‘I mean, it’s not bad at all. I’m just a harsh critic.’_

_‘Screw it’ Zuko said, pushing aside her cup, ‘this tea party was taking too long anyway.’_

_He reached for an amused Mai, pulling her onto his lap. Settling himself against the wall, he smiled indulgently up at her. ‘This is the other reason I picked the catacombs. No one will disturb us here.’_

_She laughed as his hands reached for her hair, freeing it from its binds, ‘How do you know the spirits of all your ancestors don’t come out to roam the grounds at night?’_

_‘Can’t even be mad at you for bringing up my deceased ancestors at this moment, I walked right into that one’ he groaned, looking up at her as his fingers glided freely through her sleek hair._

_She noticed now sitting directly in front of him, harsh firelight falling on his features, the pallid puffiness around his eyes. She placed her hands on either side of his face tilting him up closer as she really looked at him, her eyes shifting grimly._

_‘What’ he voiced, perplexed._

_‘When did you sleep last?’_

_‘Last night.’ he answered quickly, ‘Not for long but I managed to squeeze in some shut-eye.’_

_‘You’re such a bad liar’ she shook her head. The man thought that because he had a scarred eye, she wouldn’t notice the signs of fatigue on his face. ‘What’s bothering you?’_

_‘Don’t worry about me Mai, I’m fine’ he said, a hand squeezing her wrist by his face reassuringly, ‘And even better now that you’re here’ he craned his neck to reach her lips._

_Mai pulled back, repositioning herself as she sat down on the ground across from him. Some topics were not subject to his diversion tactics. His health topped that list._

_Zuko sighed, knowing what was coming._

_She took his hand in hers, ‘You know you can tell me anything right?’_

_‘Of course. You’re the only person I ever even tell what’s going on with me.’_

_She waited, wondering if he would continue, or drop the subject like he very much liked to do. After a breath of silence, she prodded once more, ‘Have you spoken to Azula lately?’_

_Zuko slumped against the wall, ‘No.’ Unable to hide his irritation he added, ‘Do we have to talk about Azula?’_

_‘Yes. I can tell when she’s on your mind.’ Mai was adamant._

_He locked his jaw shut, not wanting to continue this conversation._

_She knew he struggled with Azula’s situation. He hadn’t banished her, but he also couldn’t keep her locked up in the institution forever where she continued to terrorise the staff and residents. But he also couldn’t let her walk free. She knew he wanted to speak to Azula, about his mother, about Ozai, but something held him back._

_‘Zuko’ she persisted._

_‘She needs help’ he relented, ‘But she’ll never agree and I don't know how to get her to.’_

_‘Then she’s made her choice’ Mai replied, ‘and Zuko, you need help too.’_

_She leaned forward, both palms tightly wrapped around his one, her eyes marred with worry for him. He knew she cared about him. A lot. But he couldn’t keep dragging her into his messes, especially not one with Azula._

_‘That’s why I have you’ he said, raising her hands and placing them over his heart._

_She pulled them away, unimpressed._

_‘Stop overworking yourself and let others in your court take some responsibilities off of you. The Fire Lord doesn’t have to do it all.’ She continued stubbornly, ‘And let me enlist our Kyoshi Warrior friends for your personal protection so you’ll finally fall asleep at night.’_

_‘The Fire Nation guards are sufficient for me’ Zuko’s voice was gentle but firm. She threw up her hands in exasperation, shaking her head, looking past him at nothing._

_He exhaled; his eyebrows shifting to frame his guileless wide eyes. He knew they were her weakness; and he employed them generously._

_‘You know I would sleep a lot better if I just got to hold you through the night.’_

_Mai glared at him from the corner of her eyes that were narrowed in amusement._

_‘Yes. As soon as you propose.’ she jested, pointing at her wrist where the royal engagement bracelet would go someday._

_‘Now that you’ve brought it up’ Zuko’s voice mellowed as his eyes sought Mai’s, a warm intensity replacing his perky smile._

_She turned fully to him as he sat up straight, reaching into his robes. She stiffened, her rounded eyes following his hand. **What. He couldn’t be serious. Not right now!** He brought out his closed fist, raising it up to her. Her stomach felt like it had been dropped off the side of the terrace. **Oh no. He’s really doing it.** She was speechless, convinced that if she opened her mouth, her heart might leap right out of it. She dared not make eye contact with him either, fearing that her face would betray the utter turmoil in her mind. With bated breath, she stared at his hand. His slowly unfolding fingers revealing…his empty palm. _

_Mai whipped her head up at Zuko, whose face was contorted from the effort of not bursting out laughing. Relief washed over her, as she exhaled loudly, pushing him hard against his chest. He slammed into the wall behind, descending into peals of laughter._

_‘Jerk’ she whispered; shoulders hunched as she crossed her hands defensively._

_He lifted his hand up to his chest, convulsively laughing at Mai’s mortified expression as she had stared at his closed fist. Her current childish, pouty sulking providing no relief._

_‘Is this how you’re going to react when I propose to you?’ he guffawed, his hands soothing his chest in an effort to catch his breath, ‘Ouch!’_

_‘It’s not **that** funny’ she scorned; her eyes might as well have rolled into her skull. _

_‘It almost hurts my feelings how much you don’t want a proposal’ Zuko spluttered through the last of his laughs._

_‘You know it’s not like that!’ she whined, ‘We decided to wait. We’re both too young. I need to do my own thing and if you proposed, my parents would force me to get married right away and –’_

_‘I know, I know’ Zuko cut her off, squeezing her shoulders lightly, ‘Relax! I don’t want us to rush at all.’_

_She slumped, as he reached up kissing her forehead, ‘And the actual proposal would be way better. Don’t worry, I won’t emotionally bind you to these catacombs.’_

_They laughed as she found her place snuggling up to him again. She hoped she hadn’t looked as petrified as she had been, but her failure was obvious. His fingers combed her hair, tucking them behind her ear. ‘Hey.’_

_‘Hm?’_

_‘I don’t care if you’re the Fire Lady or not. Not too sure I even care if I’m the Fire Lord honestly. At the end of the day, I just want it to be you and me.’_

_Sitting up to look at him again, she cocked her eyebrows, impressed at his words._

_‘That’s a ten on ten romantic dialogue right there. You should write a play!' She raised her hands in a grand gesture, ‘The King Who Put His Girlfriend Through Emotional Turmoil for His Personal Amusement.'_

_Zuko chuckled, settling back into a comfortable lean against the wall, cross-legged, 'And you shouldn’t write any.'_

_Mai’s eyes softened as she added quietly, ‘I …would have said yes by the way.’_

_He placed his hands over hers where they rested passively over his crossed ankles, ‘I don’t want you to say yes if you don’t mean it.’_

_He could be a jealous boyfriend, but she knew he would never hold her back. Not knowingly anyway._

_‘Okay’_

_A sombre smile lingered on her lips, as she turned away. The wind playing with her open hair. Zuko watched the side of her face. Her aristocratic nose rising sharply over plains, her high cheekbones giving way to the uniquely sharp chin. There were so many expressions hidden beneath those layers._

_At first, he had thought there were only a few – boredom, anger, annoyance, and slight amusement. Quickly, he had been proven wrong. There were many types of anger, and even more types of annoyances, there were also many many smiles, granted one had to work for them. The very first time he had made her laugh openly though, that had been a sharp turning point for him. A young, confused and conflicted Zuko had spent many nights since that one, thinking if that was what love was supposed to feel like._

_Knowing what was running through her mind then, he asked quietly, ‘How are Michi and Ukano? Getting along?’_

_She didn’t turn, finding the lone star by the horizon more interesting than the question. Seconds passed as she delayed her answer as long as she could without eliciting concern._

_‘I don’t really know. What dad is up to these days is a mystery, but he doesn’t seem to care very much for his family at the moment. I don’t think ma trusts him anymore.’ Mai replied, all while staring off into the distance._

_She turned then, clearing her throat, slipping into her to lazy drawl again. He wondered if she knew how obvious she made it sometimes. ‘I’m staying out of it for the most part. I just don’t want any of it to bother Tom-Tom you know?’_

_Zuko’s thumb drew comforting circles on the back of her hand, ‘Bring Tom-Tom on our picnic next weekend. It’ll be a nice getaway for you both.’_

_She nodded, raising both their hands up to her lips, pressing a kiss on the back of Zuko’s. She looked up at him smiling playfully, eyes locked on to her next target, his lips. Moving his hands, placing them on the ground behind her, she edged closer._

_Before she could move on top of him again, he spoke._

_‘I think you should go to that gathering your father wanted you to accompany him to. It’ll be a good time for you to bond with him, maybe figure out what he –’_

_‘No way’ Mai said dryly, ‘It’s what I’m skipping in fact, for our picnic.’_

_Zuko dropped his shoulders, knowing she had made up her mind, ‘I hope you know that no matter what happens between Michi and Ukano, you and Tom-Tom are always welcome at the palace.’_

_She nodded, ‘I know.’_

_He continued, ‘And even if Michi wanted –_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really enjoyed writing this chapter. If you've been enjoying so far, consider leaving a kudos and a comment :)


	7. Settlements (part 1)

The sun had not yet risen, but the birds were dutifully at work, chirping the gang (except Zuko) awake. Toph had promptly fallen back asleep after Ty Lee had tried to wake her up a second time. The others lumbered groggily around camp, getting ready for the exceptionally early start to their mission.

Zuko was sitting under the Acacia, having taken refuge under its wide branches from the steadily rising heat of his thoughts a good few hours ago. Better things to distract him out in the open, than there were cooped up, restless, in his tent.

For the majority of the night, he had tirelessly run Mai’s words over and over through his mind. _Not the girl you were supposed to be with_. He had so much more to say to her. _You broke my heart, twice!_ So many things to apologise for. _I’m done being an ornamental piece in people’s lives._ So many more ‘I love you’s to announce.

At first, he had been angry, at himself for being an awful person, at her, for giving up on them. Gradually, as he flicked through the images of their relationship branded on the back of his closed eyelids, all his favourite memories and some unpleasant ones, he was overcome with gratitude.

He was thankful that with everything Mai had done, she had made him a better man. Thankful, that she had let him into of her life, into all the beautiful places she didn’t share with anyone else. Thankful, that despite the hurt it caused her, she had given him this closure. And now that Zuko could start to accept his place outside her life, maybe he could return that favour.

Aang walked past him, greeting cheerily (Mornin’, hotman!), while others had sleepier and less dated acknowledgments.

Mai had greeted him too. A nod and an almost inaudible ‘hey’. _I don’t want us to hate each other._

She looked…better. Perhaps addressing all the things last night had helped her as well.

She seemed more energised too, surely at the prospect of finding her brother and possibly avenging him.

He had wondered about Kiyi too, goodness knew what horrors those children might’ve seen, how scared they might be not understanding any of that was going on.

He had sat under the tree, juggling a glowing orb of fire between his palms, thinking of how he would deal with Azula when he found her. She could still produce lightning. What if she tried to make a run for it? What if she tried to use Kiyi against him?

In a flash, the orb grew enormous in his hands. Zuko snapped out of his thoughts, taming the fire back down to a manageable size, finding that it took more of his concentration than it should have.

He couldn’t let her run away again.

His heart told him that Azula wouldn’t hurt the kids, but with her, one never really knew. He worried about his mother too, waiting for him in the Capital. She had already lost both her children once, and now Kiyi was taken from her as well. Zuko decided that if – _when_ – they captured Azula, he would bring her to Mom. Surely Azula felt some type of way about their mother, maybe it would snap her back? _Or snap her all the way through._

Agonizing over Kiyi and Azula helped take his mind off Mai, but it was too much between a rock and a hard place for him. So, he had blankly stared up at the birds nesting in the tree, that were slowly fluttering out their wings and announcing the arrival of day with loud caws.

He was getting rather good this. No time for this thought? Shelve it away. Too much hurt associated with this one? Shelve it away. The only thing he had learned to take time out for, was Mai. Now he was shelving her away too.

Uncle Iroh’s voice that had taken residence in his head boomed, _Well done, nephew! Block all your chi pathways with these unresolved emotions so that when it comes time to face Azula, a simple kick from her will leave you withering to the ground._

Once they were back in the Capital, he had to see Ty Lee about these blockages.

Zuko focused on batting away these negative thoughts as the gang began to wake up and get ready, not wanting them to show through and discourage anyone this morning. He had received an unexpected mood booster when he rose from his spot, walking across the courtyard to help Ty Lee sharpen her sword.

He had looked over to Mai, who was sat by the freshwater column snacking on some litchis for breakfast, as he crossed her. He was surprised they had even made friendly eye contact two times now in the past half-hour, so imagine his astonishment when a litchi flew towards him, from her direction. He fumbled gracelessly in his attempt to not drop it in shock.

Smiling faintly back at her, he kept walking, not sure if his sleepless mind had simply begun hallucinating at this point. But he didn’t want to think about it too much and ruin the effect the gesture had instantly had on him. There was definitely a litchi in his hand, and he was almost certain Mai had thrown it to him. That was enough.

Mai had lain awake too. Running their confrontation through her mind. Even though she had dreaded something like this happening when she had accompanied him on this rescue mission, she did feel like a weight had been lifted off her.

This was the third time in one week that she was dealing with such highly charged emotions. A new personal record, one she was truly hoping to never break. She wasn’t built to deal with things like this. Like Ty Lee was. Like Azula was.

Apart from Tom-Tom’s abduction and the _events_ of last night, she had also broken up with Kei Lo not days ago. Seeing how she obviously still cared about Zuko, something that had become difficult to hide with his reappearance in her life, she couldn’t hold on to Kei Lo any longer.

It was true she had only entertained him because he was a direct link to her father’s involvement in the New Ozai Society, but then she had grown fond of him. He was a good man who didn’t deserve to be led on. He had looked out for her. The whole time she was looking out for someone whom she swore she had forgotten.

So, she had lied to Zuko last night. There was no way she could tell him she had broken up with her boyfriend over him. It was too much information that even she had yet to process. She didn’t have the right to undo whatever progress he may have made in getting over her when she was one who had walked out on him.

She had needed to keep her distance, unsure how to feel about him, unsure how he had felt about her. In any case, the guilt she felt for leaving him the way she had made it too difficult for her to look him in the eyes. She had abandoned a man who had known that feeling only too well. Even though she had constantly felt like he didn’t need her, she was supposed to be there for him.

But wasn’t she supposed to be there for herself first? That is what she had repeated to herself for days leading up to the moment she had said goodbye. She needed to think about her family and herself. But her mother would hold her back, tugging on the cord that tied her to Zuko. So, she had severed it.

She didn’t know what Zuko had done to himself after her departure, but he looked like hell. He always looked tired and worn, the darkened bags were like a permanent feature of his face now. Lying awake that night she realised she had been rather harsh in her treatment towards him.

First, before anything, they were friends. She knew how horribly he tended to blame himself for his broken family, and instead of being there for him, she had made every possible hint at wanting to be left alone. She really meant it when she had said she didn’t want them to hate each other.

Years from now whenever she returned home to the Capital, she still imagined it would be her, Zuko and Ty Lee laughing and talking and reminiscing. Maybe Azula too.

She had wondered, while she tossed the litchi around in her hand as Zuko walked closer, if he would see her sudden attempt at putting out an olive branch as ingenuine. But as soon as they locked gazes, she had tossed it over to him instinctively. If there was anyone that could understand her true intentions, it was him.

Aang cleared his throat as they all stood around him, strapped and ready. Mai mentally checked in with her holsters. Locked and loaded.

‘Alright gang, so like we discussed, Ty Lee and Mai know these cities the best, they’re more likely to find a place of significance to Azula or Ukano.’ Aang spoke nodding at her and Ty Lee.

‘Toph goes with Ty Lee, while Suki accompanies Mai. Meanwhile, Zuko and I will disguise ourselves and make our way to the city council and ask for a few trained guards to help us out with the rescue.’

Looking at the unenthusiastic pairs of sleepy eyes around him, Aang attempted a short pep talk, ‘We’re going to bring down Safe Nation, who’s with me!’

They nodded as the first rays of the sun hit the ground, dispelling the cold and bringing in a cozier feel. Suki suppressed a yawn while Toph could only raise her thumb to denote her excitement to the cause.

‘Come on team! We’ve got this!’ Ty Lee, the only person apart from Aang who seemed fully awake, pumped a fist into the air. Beaming, she flung an arm around Toph’s neck pulling her close.

Toph slid out from her grasp rumbling a platform of Earth over to Zuko’s side, ‘Maybe Aang and Ty Lee should go together, and I can accompany Zuko’ she shrugged at him, ‘That life-changing field trip is long overd –

She stopped mid-sentence; her attention suddenly diverted by unexpected movement by the thickets. The others fell quiet, knowing she had sensed something. She raised a hand pointing towards a tree, where Zuko could see nothing.

She set her foot down with purpose as they watched spikes of Earth rise up behind the tree, entrapping whoever or whatever had caught Toph’s attention. The earth straight-jacket glided towards them as a man’s face, devoid of all colour, peeked over the top.

‘F-F-forgive me! Please! I meant no harm!’ the man stuttered, looking like he had seen a ghost.

Before anyone could ask any questions, Mai pointed to him.

‘Wait, you’re the guard I met yesterday!’

Sensing that the man had no weapons on him, Toph released him. He immediately fell to the floor, crawling over to Zuko as he pleaded.

‘P…please forgive me Fire Lord Zuko. I had no choice’ he implored. ‘They would have killed us all!’ His hands were joined together in front of him as his nose almost touched the ground. 

Aang spoke, ‘What are you talking about? What is going on?’

The guard raised his head, trembling as he looked over at everyone’s confused faces. Stopping when he made eye-contact with Mai again.

He stuttered, ‘Ma- Madam, the gooseberries I gave you yesterday, has anybody eaten them?’

‘No…we fed them to some animals’ she responded hesitantly.

His eyes widened, ‘So you knew they were poisoned?’

Mai stood shell-shocked. Her eyebrows disappearing under her bangs.

Toph stormed, ‘POISONED? You gave us poisoned fruit?!’

Everyone’s arms shot up to shield their faces from the sudden gust of heat as Zuko forged a ring of fire on the ground surrounding the guard as who whimpered in fear.

‘Start talking’ he gritted.

The guard took in a large audible breath in as if it was his last.

‘Y- Yesterday, we found the hideout of the Safe Nation Society. The information we had on the Kemurikage and New Ozai joining forces was correct. Ukano and Princess Azula are heading the outfit together. Th-they had the whole place booby-trapped and locked us all in their underground bunker.’ The guard continued without stopping for breath, wanting to get his story out before the flames engulfed him, ‘Ukano said he’s keeping tabs on General Mak’s family too. They didn’t trust him so they sent me with the basket of poisoned gooseberries to kill you, my Lord.’

Breaking into a sob the soldier continued, ‘I had no choice. P-please believe me, Your Highness. We were all worried for our families with the riots in the city. They had someone follow me and watch me the whole time while the exchange took place, I couldn’t warn Lady Mai without risking everyone’s lives.’

The man sobbed into his elbow as the flames grew smaller around him, Zuko’s hand lowering beside him.

Stunned glances were exchanged at this bit of information. Mai was dumbfounded. If she hadn’t gotten rid of the gooseberries for her silly reasons, she might’ve delivered herself, her friends, The Avatar and the Fire Lord to the Spirit World all at once. 

‘Why are you here now?’ Zuko glowered.

‘Princess Azula sent me. She has said that she will personally ensure that each one of the guards is killed if I don’t bring back undeniable proof that the Fire Lord, the Kyoshi Warriors, and Lady Mai are dead.’

‘Why wouldn’t they come on their own?’ Suki questioned, crossing her arms over her chest.

‘They’re making preparations to move into the Capital city at dawn. All prisoners and children will also be taken. They have plans to stage a coup by using General Mak as their face, free Ozai, and bring him back to power’ the guard responded quickly, eyes darting over to the fire that still burned around him.

‘Tell us where they are and let’s end this right away’ Ty Lee yelled.

Zuko stroked the bridge of his nose solemnly before he spoke again, ‘No, Ty Lee. If what he’s saying is right, then Safe Nation will be too powerful on their own turf; they might even expect us. Besides, they still have the children.’

Aang agreed, ‘Zuko is right. There will be minimal collateral damage attacking them outside the city. We can’t risk public safety.’

There was a charged silence as Zuko weighed his options. Azula would be the bane of his existence (if he managed to exist long enough).

Summoning the last of his courage, the guard interjected, ‘If…if I may…Fire Lord Zuko…’

Without looking, Zuko permitted him to speak with a wave of his fingers.

‘From what I …c-could make out, Princess Azula is unaware of the Avatar and his f-friend’s presence’ the guard refrained from making eye-contact with Toph. ‘This gives us an advantage. I…I could take back proof and convince them that I have disposed of your bodies. I will also inform General Mak and the others about the ambush so that we can be ready to assist from within.’

Zuko looked over at Toph for confirmation. She nodded, ‘He’s being sincere. Plus, if he wanted, he could have just run back and informed Azula the moment he saw us breathing and plotting.’

He turned back to the guard on the floor, ‘Fine. Take back what proof you need and inform the soldiers. We will ambush the travelling group just outside the city gates.’

The guard prostrated with his head to the floor, thankful to have been spared his life. Zuko exhaled, walking up to the guard who cowered as he approached, expecting the worst. Then, he put out his hand for the guard to take.

The man, staggered, taking Zuko’s hand as he stood up. ‘Tomorrow, either your loyalty will be rewarded or your entire family will be banished and you will rot your life away for treason.’

The guard kneeled down again, bowing to Zuko, ‘My family and I are indebted to your mercy Fire Lord Zuko. I will not let you down.’

‘What do you need from us then?’ Suki scorned.

‘Your primary weapons and …the Fire Lord’s crown’ the guard responded, turning to her.

Zuko expected it. Taking out the pinned crown from his hair he handed it over.

Suki’s face dropped, ‘My fans?! How will I protect anyone without my fans!’

Aang consoled, ‘It’s only for less than a day, Suki.’

Ty Lee unsheathed her sword, hesitantly handing it over to the guard, ‘I’ll come back for you girl.’ 

The guard took all three objects balancing them in his hands.

‘You couldn’t possibly carry all my knives’ Mai finally spoke, having taken some time to recover from her earlier shock.

‘Lady Mai, uhm…Princess Azula especially requested that I bring your…hair’ the guard spoke softly.

‘What’ she voiced blankly. 

‘What?’ Zuko asked, confused. He couldn’t have heard what he thought he had, ‘Hair?!’

‘Forgive me, sh-she said I couldn’t return without it’ the guard bent his head low.

Mai shook her head in utter shock. Her hair. Her **_hair_**. Of course, Azula had asked for her hair. Her disgusting pettiness would even have her desecrate Mai’s corpse.

Zuko wasn’t sure what to say. If Azula had asked for it, she wouldn’t be pacified without it.

‘WHY THAT – Ty Lee stomped.

‘Don’t worry about it, Ty Lee. It’s just hair’ Mai responded impassively, reaching for the twists that sat on her head, ‘At least I get to keep my knives. We can’t all be weapon-less.’

‘Mai – Zuko started, he knew what her hair meant to her. Azula knew it too.

She raised her hand to reassure him. She could do without the pity.

She reached back and within a few quick moves, her hair was free from its ties, cascading down her back like a shiny black waterfall ending in a sharp line by her waist.

Aang and Suki looked on stunned, seeing her hair open for the first time. One really couldn't tell the length of hair that she hid in her hairdo.

Ty Lee walked over, holding her hands close to her chest looking more heartbroken than even Mai, to touch it one last time.

‘How long is it?’ Toph whispered to Suki.

‘It’s the longest, darkest, luscious-est hair I’ve ever seen’ Suki whispered back.

Mai pulled down a ribbon tightening all her hair into a single pony just around her nape. Pulling out a knife, she looked up at the guard.

‘Did my father know about the poisoned fruits?’

The guard paused; Mai’s fingers tightened around the blade.

‘I have no knowledge to support neither him being aware nor unaware of these arrangements, but I was given the assignment by Princess Azula alone’ the guard spoke clearly.

Mai nodded, and without further ado struck her blade right above the ribbon cutting it all off in one clean slice, earning a whimper from Ty Lee. She stretched out her hand, as the guard carefully received the bunch in his, looking down at her feet the entire time.

Mai was thrown off balance as Ty Lee crashed into her, flinging both arms around her tightly.

Zuko watched as the guard, escorted by Aang, carried away his crown, the weapons, and Mai’s hair. He was speechless at the ease with which Mai had parted with perhaps her most prized possession. Or maybe, he was really just surprised at the ease that she was able to display.

Her hair now hung straight down framing her chin, in an uneven curtain. She raised her hand to pat Ty Lee’s head who was still holding her steadfastly.

‘Calm down sister. Now you can have all my clips that you’ve always wanted’ she drawled.

Mai braved a smile as she glanced over to Toph and Suki, both smiling warmly back at her. Or at least, Toph smiled back in her general direction. 

_Fourth_. So much for not breaking that record.


	8. Settlements (part 2)

_From her peripheral vision Mai noticed Michi quietly slide in through the door of her study, where she had retired for the night. Mai just wanted a quiet night of working on her cartography and sipping some piping Jasmine tea. Uncle Iroh had sent her a sealed package of his new ‘instant tea’ creation that was still in its trial phase. Mai had thought it would be the perfect accompaniment for the Ba Sing Se part of her map._

_Her mother settled in the center of the room, thankfully, a little distance away from her where she was propped up against the wall, poring over a collection of maps and scrolls on a stout table. Of all the places in their big, three-storeyed mansion, the one room Michi had found to continue her embroidery was in Mai’s study. **Shocking** , Mai rolled her eyes. _

_She tried to continue her mapwork without losing concentration, the key to which was simply glossing over her mother’s presence, which was no co-incidence. This was Michi’s underhanded tactic to casually trigger 'a talk’ with her daughter. Mai had some idea what this might be about but she wasn’t going to walk into this on her own two feet._

_She was impressed at the amount of time Michi had managed to spend in silence, embroidering a jacket for Tom-Tom, before she started to get agitated. Her movements began to make more noises, she was making more ‘mistakes’ and loudly lamenting them, trying to divert Mai’s attention._

_Realising that she had miscalculated her compass extension after hearing her mother sigh heavily for the tenth time in the last ten minutes, she placed it down rather roughly, picking up her Jasmine tea and slumping against the wall._

_‘Just say it’ she groaned, losing her patience. She hoped to hurry her mother off and peacefully return to her spread._

_Not quite looking up from her embroidery, Michi spoke without missing a beat, ‘You know you really could have been nicer to Zhang at dinner today. He has done a lot for our family ever since your father decided to ignore his responsibilities.’_

_‘Okay, I’ll keep that in mind next time.’ Mai shifted, picking up her compass again. Hoping to send a signal to her mother, she droned, ‘Was that it?’_

_Michi looked up at Mai, ‘Have you and Zuko been fighting?’_

_There it was. Her mother’s irresistible urge to meddle in her relationship. Mai dropped her compass onto the map realising she probably won’t be picking it back up tonight, ‘We’re not fighting Ma. I already told you I didn’t go because I was tired.’_

_Michi’s brows furrowed in kindness, her daughter could be quiet the unyielding kind, a quality she directly inherited from her father, ‘I’m sure Zuko was looking forward to seeing you for dinner. He told me last week he has been too busy lately to spend enough time with you.’_

_Mai sipped her tea, not deeming a respond necessary._

_‘You cook the most delicious hot chicken soup Mai, I’m sure if you made some for Zuko –_

_She placed her cup down with force unwilling to continue playing along with her mother, ‘Look Ma. I know how to handle my relationship. We’re fine, and I don’t need any advice.’_

_Michi sighed, smiling softly, ‘Okay darling.’_

_She drew her attention back to the jacket in her hands, not taking Mai’s words to heart. She could often be unreasonable. She was a young woman, understandably housing certain unrealistic ideas about her life and relationship. Michi believed her daughter deserved the best, but all women had to make compromises, it was the key to a happy family life. Her daughter was old enough to start seeing this for herself, stop her idling and consider settling down with Zuko._

_She had already forgotten Mai’s request for no further advice. Her job as a mother didn’t stop at the whims of her moody daughter, ‘Just make sure to keep reminding Zuko how much you love him. I know you aren’t fond of proclamations of affection, but not only is he your boyfriend, he is also the Fire Lord. There are a lot of things on his mind, ensure you’re one of them.’_

_‘What does him being Fire Lord have to do with anything?’ Mai replied, unable to keep her voice down. ‘Also, for your kind information that’s not the kind of relationship Zuko and I have. We’re not arranged for one another we **chose** each other.’ _

_She bit her tongue prematurely. Attacking her parent’s relationship would be the first spiteful thing she would have done in a while, and she would like to keep her kindness streak going for some more time. She breathed deeply._

_Michi seemed unoffended, ‘Of course dear. But it doesn’t hurt to remind them just the same.’_

_Moments passed in silence with only the sound of thread chasing the needle as it pierced through the fabric. Mai’s mind was split down the middle, clashing on whether to continue this conversation with her mother._

_While the one side of her brain told her to sit quietly and avoid any possible altercations, the storm of possibilities that had been brewing in her head for the past week threatened to rage over. She had to bring it up sometime._

_Michi looked at her daughter through her lowered gaze. She sighed, noting how Mai’s struggle to put her thoughts into words, reflected on her face. Did the silly girl really think she could hide herself from her mother?_

_She waited patiently, knowing Mai would speak again._

_‘I’m not sure the issue is with him’ Mai spoke quietly, tilting her head against the wall to look up at the ceiling. ‘I just… I don’t want to be sitting here in the Capital doing nothing. Zuko has a lot to keep him occupied, Ty Lee is living her best life with the Kyoshi Warriors. I could go too! Or I could apprentice for the professors at Ba Sing Se University. I’ve looked and there’s a lot I want to do Ma! I could support us –_

_Her mother’s quiet trained laugh of nobility rung softly as she cut Mai off, ‘Ah to be young!’_

_Mai exhaled; she should have known. Why did she ever think bringing this up to her mother would do any good._

_She couldn’t explain how she felt and no one would understand it anyway. It was like she wasn’t in her own body. Like she was just walking around carrying this shell of a person. She needed to fill herself back up, or she would have nothing more to offer anyone. Nothing more to offer Zuko, to Tom-Tom, her mother, her friends. He hadn’t had anything to offer her father for years. Her mother would ask her – Do you not have everything you need? A good house? A loving partner? Luxuries? Do you not have me and Tom-Tom?_

_She did have all those things, and yet she felt empty. She couldn’t explain it because it was a paradox._

_She crossed her arms, thinking of how the first time she had ever felt like a living person was after she had run away from her home. Maybe that was the only solution._

_Her mother was smiling down at the jacket, continuing to find her confession more comical than it was. ‘I know how you feel dear, I felt like this too when I was a young girl. Don’t worry darling, I know it can be conflicting but these thoughts will go away as you realise your true purpose as the Fire Lady.’_

_Sometimes Mai was unsure if her mother understood how ridiculous she sounded or maybe Mai was finally seeing the ridiculousness of it all. Her mother’s ability to cast aside any and all reasoning she offered was truly fascinating to her._

_Michi continued, her voice now more serious than before ‘I can see that you are fooling yourself, my child. What is the real reason for your insecurity in this relationship?’_

_Mai was caught off guard at this accusation, she fumbled for words, ‘I’m not insecure! I-I know he loves me.’_

_She sighed once more; her mother really knew the words to trigger her into confessions._

_‘I just… wish he wouldn’t hide things from me.’ Quickly she added, ‘But I also don’t want to be this overbearing girlfriend who’s always around, all up in his royal business. I just can’t see him so troubled, but he’s always trying to cover for it like I won’t understand what bothers him.’_

_Her fingers tapped impatiently on the wood of her table._

_For the first time voicing why she had really been avoiding Zuko for the past week, she admitted, ‘I just think it’s the right thing to give him some space right now.’_

_Michi looked with concern over to Mai, her eyes softening again at the conflict plaguing her daughter, ‘Oh Mai, stop worrying.’_

_She got up from her place and walked over to where Mai was, seating herself carefully on the little table, reaching over to sweep her hands over her daughter’s head lovingly._

_‘You have done so well my darling, the ruler of the Fire Nation is in love with **you**. It’s not going to be easy; you have to remind yourself why you love each other’ Michi continued, her hands tenderly placed on Mai’s head, happy to be able to comfort her daughter that usually preferred to sulk all alone. _

_‘But remember, it’s one thing to give them space, but you can’t let them just **go**. Your job is to keep him happy so that one day he will propose to you. Then, it will all pay off. You will be the happiest girl and I will be the happiest mother – _

_Mai couldn’t help the frustrated hiss she drew through her teeth; it was always the same thing with her mother. Revolted, she brushed off her hands, swiftly standing up, ‘Why is it so difficult to have a normal conversation, without you absolutely overlooking everything I’ve ever said? It’s like my opinions carry zero weight!’_

_Michi was startled at her outburst, as Mai strode across the room to the door, ‘Good night Ma. Please leave my relationship with Zuko alone.’_

_Before she could shut the door and storm off to grumble to herself in her room, she heard a sob behind her. Her shoulders dropped as she stood rooted to her spot, unable to go back and console her mother, yet not having the heart to walk away just then._

_Slowly Michi spoke, fighting through her tears, ‘I gave your father all the space he ever wanted and now he thinks he’s not answerable to his family anymore.’ Wiping her teary cheeks, she continued, ‘We only put on a display of our relationship for you and Tom-Tom’s sake. There is nothing more there. I don’t want you to make the same mistakes Mai.’_

_Mai walked back, kneeling down as she held her mother who sobbed freely into her sleeve. Mai was not a consoler, often unsure what to say or do when people cried, but she was the only one her mother had. Her hands awkwardly stroked a trembling Michi’s back._

_She could see the end of her parents’ relationship coming from miles away and knew Michi only put on a brave face for her children. For all her faults, she still believed her mother deserved better. No matter what Michi thought, Mai had to start taking responsibility for her family. To her mother, the best way to do that was to have Zuko involved. Mai couldn’t blame her for being raised to think they needed a man in their family to be deemed respectable and sufficient, but she also couldn’t burden Zuko with her family knowing how much he already struggled with his own._

_It was becoming clearer to her, what she needed to do._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Always wanted to explore Mai's relationship with her parents. A lot of people seem to relate with it.


	9. Vanity (part 1)

Since the departure of the soldier, who had left them with much to consider, the gang had spent the day planning, debating, conjuring every possible scenario of failure during the ambush, and compensating for it. Toph stayed vigilant on the lookout for any more uninvited guests. The last few hours of sunlight were spent helping Suki and Ty Lee practice combat without their weapons at their disposal.

The plan was fairly simple. They would attack the convoy in waves, forcing any hidden reinforcements to jump out before Zuko went after Azula. The scuffle providing a sufficient shield, Mai and Toph would sneak up to rescue the children and free the imprisoned guards, allowing them to assist in the arrests.

Night fell quickly as the group, having coped with the extraordinary happenings of the day, got tired and hungry.

Zuko had separated from the rest, deciding to spend some time alone and make himself useful by the campfire instead. Mai had beat him to it, having already worked up a flame as she stirred an earthen pot over it.

In light of recent events, she had abstained from venturing into the forest alone. Still, having no ingredients for dinner meant she had to breach the boundaries of the temple to bring back some edible nuts and leaves she had seen earlier. It had also been a much-needed getaway from camp, where she couldn’t help but feel vexed at the sympathetic stares of everyone on her. She would have liked to pin them all to the trees and demonstrate just how formidable she still was, a few non-lethal cuts on their skin would bleed them dry of any pity they had for her.

 _Ambitious talk for someone who was losing their mind not hours ago,_ she thought, stirring her resentment along with the sorry ingredients of the soup, hoping to combine them into something that at least looked cohesive. While tracing her steps back to some mint leaves she swore she had seen earlier, she had ventured upon a large puddle in the forest. Holding her chin up, she granted the reflective surface no more than a glance, her intention to keep walking far and away from it.

She succeeded for mere seconds before fear and desperation dragged her by the limbs and threw her down to the puddle's edge. Nervous tears streaked her cheeks as she blinked through them trying to catch a glimpse at herself, now marred with the disappearance of her locks. She needed to see how ugly she looked. She wanted to see if she looked as naked as she felt. The shallow dirty puddle gave her no answers, mocking her as it rippled from a tear that dropped forth from the tip of her nose.

Feeling the air grow heavy, she had scrambled to lean against a tree. She gasped loudly battling for air to grace her lungs once more, digging her back into the wood of the bark, the splinters holding her from slipping away. After minutes of struggling against her mind, as she felt the world spinning around her, she managed to haul herself back from the furthest edge (that she had as yet experienced) of this panicky state she was finding easier and easier to enter.

She could not let the others see her like this. What if they thought she was unstable, leaving her out of their ambush plans ‘for her own good’? No, she had to collect herself. 

Approaching the fire from behind her, Zuko slowed down, granting himself a few extra seconds of basking in her view as she stirred the pot. Maybe it was the hunger that instantly had him thinking of Mai’s three-ingredient chicken soup. Mai was no cook. Knives in her hand fared better when launched at moving targets as opposed to sitting turtleducks on a kitchen counter. Yet, her three-ingredient chicken soup was a marvel of nature. Zuko called it ‘Magic Soup’. It had the ability to magically appear at his palace on especially long and tiring days.

She was yet to realise his presence. It was a little strange, not seeing the little buns that set her apart in a crowd, her hair not neatly combed and set in place. This was a different Mai; strands of her strikingly short hair flew into her face while she paid no heed to it. Her locks were uncharacteristically dishevelled, having lost some of their unique lustre as they tossed around in the wind. Zuko wondered if it would feel different to his touch. Unruly where it had felt sleek, frizzy where it had felt frictionless to the whims of his fingers.

Mai was a master of disguising her true feelings _if_ you didn’t know where to look. Zuko knew her guard was up again. She walled herself with her legs, pulled ever closer to her chest. Her shoulder muscles tense from holding herself in, taking up as little space as humanly possible. If she could, she would have disappeared.

Being revoked the privileges he once held of lifting her eyes up to him with a gentle tap on her chin or playfully twisting her arm behind her until she relented her worries to him, he relied on the almost imperceptible differences in her demeanour. He was rediscovering her, now from the outside.

She jerked her face to the side, at his approaching footsteps. He maintained his distance as he crossed her, walking over to the other end. 

Roaring up the fire that seemed to be struggling a bit, he asked, ‘Hungry?’

‘A little’ she agreed. She wasn’t cold, not while sitting this close to the fire. Yet, her knuckles were drained of colour from pulling her overtunic tightly over her shoulders in a bid to feel a little less exposed. 

Zuko was saved the agony of figuring out how, or if at all, to breach the subject of her missing tresses as their time alone was cut short with the arrival of the rest. The gang settled around the fire, as Aang split the soup into six equal parts dropping it into each of their dried leaf bowl with a flick of his wrist.

He was explaining to Suki and Ty Lee the psychological effect being separated from his Airbending staff had on his fighting and how he overcame it. After all, a martial art, with or without weapons, was performed primarily in the mind. 

Zuko looked over at Mai. Glumly, she stared; her vision spaced out over the fire as her soup sat untouched in her bowl, not making good on her earlier admission of hunger.

He knew Mai loved listening to him talk about Firebending. As a non-bender, her obsession with Bending had been ever-present. Her father was a Firebender, an ability he hadn’t passed onto his daughter. Young Mai had sensed the gap in their relationship that came from a father being robbed of the right to pass down years of his Firebending wisdom onto his child. She hoped for his sake that at least Tom-Tom would be able to give him that happiness.

She had grown out of her yearning to suddenly wake up one day with the ability to throw fire, finding refuge in the deadly curves of her Shuriken. But that had done little to diminish her fascination with Bending. Right after Ozai’s defeat, Mai had found the time to sit with Aang at Uncle’s teashop and ask him far too many questions about the wisdom of the Lionturtles.

Often when they sat quietly with one another, the sullen air undisposed to any proactive exchange of ideas, Mai would ask Zuko to ‘explain Firebending again’.

She wanted to know what it _felt_ like and while it was difficult to put into words, he would sigh, entwining his fingers with hers and give her a colourful (but mostly orange) description of what fire looked like when you were bending it. What it felt like having pure heat course through your veins, what it felt like sometimes having your nails singed from shooting fire. She wanted to know what being burned with fire felt like to a Firebender, what visuals ran through his mind when he redirected lightning.

No matter how often she asked, he would always comply. It wasn’t difficult, he enjoyed talking about Fire. He never faltered or doubted what he was saying when it came to Bending. It felt good knowing Mai was looking up at him, her mouth turned up slightly at the corners as he explained how he would meld fire. Every time he wondered if this was the time Mai would finally get over it, but every time she was fascinated just the same.

The dramatic quality of Aang’s speech pulled his attention.

‘Don’t ask me to pick a favourite please, being the Avatar means I have to give all four elements the same attention’ he whined. Then almost too quickly, he added, ‘but if you did ask me, I would say Air alright! All I have to worry about is not getting my clothes caught up in the tiny tornadoes. It’s so fun and easy!’ he beamed.

‘Firebending is like that too you know?’ Zuko added matter-of-factly, stealing a glance over to Mai.

‘It is?’ Suki asked, raising her eyebrows. Not many people described Firebending as ‘fun and easy’.

‘Sure is. You definitely need to watch out for your clothes.’ Zuko chuckled, as the Suki and Ty Lee rolled their eyes.

‘Figures when you Fire Nation peeps double up on those heavy flammable curtain-robes’ Toph responded, punching Mai on the arm, rudely jerking her back from the rabbit-hole she had fallen down in her head.

Mai rubbed her arm, wincing as she responded softly, ‘I’m not a Bender, I need as many layers as possible to sheath my blades.’ Suddenly, she wasn’t so sure she could sit there and even pretend to jovially contribute to the conversation. She didn’t want to bring down the energy of the whole group that was finally having a light-hearted moment after a less-than-ideal day.

She placed her nearly-full bowl of soup on the ground, ‘I’m actually a bit tired, I think I’ll head–

‘How many blades _do_ you carry Mai? I’ve always wondered’ Aang interjected.

She looked up, stopping at the question, ‘Oh, I –

‘Wait! Let me guess!’ Toph jumped to her feet, turning towards Mai. She lightly tapped the ground sending vibrations in her direction.

A moment passed as she picked apart all the feedback she received, counting only the metallic ones.

‘You’ve got …seventy-eight knives on you right now’ Toph proclaimed, hands proudly on her hips.

There was silence as the group registered the claim.

Toph raised a shocked finger at Mai, the number she had just announced, sinking in. ‘YOU’VE GOT SEVENTY-EIGHT KNIVES ON YOU RIGHT NOW?’ she yelled. 

Ty Lee and Zuko shared a knowing smile.

‘They’re little knives’ Mai shrugged, looking up at the shocked expressions around the fire. ‘It’s, eighty actually’ she added, pointing at her head, ‘I had two up here, in my buns.’

Suki looked in awe, ‘How did you train to pull them out without chopping your hair off!’ Immediately biting her tongue, realising what she had said. 

‘Guess I shouldn’t have bothered huh’ Mai responded with an awkward laugh. The uncomfortable intensity of everyone’s gaze on her making her feeling tight and cornered. Not knowing what to do with her hands, now that they couldn’t bury themselves in her hair, she fumbled for a berry from the basket of forage.

Zuko spoke without thinking, pulling the eyeballs away from her, ‘So I was saying, in Fire Nation academies you can spend up to two months just doing breathing exercises. The flow of air within you can help you understand the passage of energy through your body.’

His hands moved with his words, breathing colour into them, ‘They tell you to imagine that you’re holding a rock tied to a string and flinging it around your head in circles. That’s kind of like Firebending. You need to learn to hold the string of fire in your gut, that way when you fling fire it won’t go too far or you won’t accidentally let go.’

‘That’s how we learn Nunchucking! Focus the energy away from you, yet arising from within you’ Ty Lee added.

‘Exactly’ Zuko stole a quick look over to Mai again. The berry in her hand had yet to meet its fate, but despite saying she was going to leave some time ago; she was sticking around.

He continued as the rest of the team dug into their soups, ‘Firebenders have the unique ability to _produce_ fire, right? That’s pretty dangerous when you’re young and untrained. Firebenders can sometimes feel their emotions in the form of heat rising from the chest or stomach or throat, depending on what you’re feeling. Excited kids will let out fire on accident when they’re throwing a fit and that’s usually the first time that parents know their kid is a Bender.’ He smiled fondly, ‘All families with Firebenders usually have a singed memento to commemorate that moment.’

Toph sniggered, ‘My parents found out I was an Earthbender when I was about six years old, throwing a fit about wanting more candy apple. Apparently, I stomped the ground in anger and all the apples on our tree fell right off.’

Aang shook his head, ‘You’ve really been the same Toph right from birth, haven’t you?’

From his angled vision, Zuko could tell Mai was looking at him. Perhaps she thought he couldn’t tell or she just hadn’t caught herself yet. He resisted the urge to turn to her, not wanting to put her on the spot. But the knowledge that she had stayed to listen to him, filled his chest with a gush of warmth and not the Firebending kind.

With renewed enthusiasm, he continued to explain how one could move even large objects using extremely hot airwaves, which was a move the Firebenders had learned from the Airbenders.

Mai had to satiate herself watching Zuko from her lowered gaze. The past few days in his presence, chiding herself every time she caught herself staring at him, Mai was starting to remind herself of her mother, swatting away her hand from second helpings of sweets. But at this moment, she was giving herself the courtesy of revelling in his light, that was almost as comforting as her mother's mochis would have been right now.

He probably had even forgotten she was still there. Speaking Firebending made him happy, watching him gush over it made her happy. She was grateful for the hair that blew into her face, veiling her shameless gaping.

As she looked on, a wave of painful memories washed over her. She should have been used to it by now, but the sharp jabs they sometimes inflicted in her chest were hard to ignore. Zuko’s hands mimicked the moves he was trying to explain, something she had seen many times. Except with her, it was usually just his left hand while his other was wrapped around her shoulder. But seeing the bright spark in his eyes was déjà vu, always the same.

Mai thought of all the times Zuko would be upset. A smile thieved its way on her lips as his exact expression reflected in her mind. He would walk in, brows furrowed, lips pursed and shoulders slumped. Not to be confused with _furrowed brows, pursed lips and clenched jaw Zuko_ which was his angsty supreme leader persona.

Mai had found out quickly, that Zuko was less of the talk-out-his-issues type guy and more the if-I-don’t-talk-about-it-maybe-it-will-go-away type guy. So, when he held his tongue with her, unable to fill the silence on his own, she would ask him about Firebending instead.

She would ask about his private lessons, what new moves he’d discovered, and edge her way to asking him to explain Firebending. It was the only thing he never hesitated to talk about, no matter his mood. She wondered if he would ever get tired of it and snap at her for asking the same thing all the time, but it never happened.

He was so expressive those times. He would pull out words, and visuals and metaphors to bring to her this seemingly unwordable phenomenon, a little differently each time. His hands would move with his voice, leaving behind sparks in the air, drawing images for her. Even the one on her shoulder would grip her closer as the intensity of his speech rose and fell. His smiling lips would make her want to kiss him, holding back only to not suffer the loss his adorably undulating tone as he spoke of things that to Mai, were like magic.

She loved seeing him like that. Delving into something with so much detail instead of dismissing it like he usually did. Talking like a little child, forgetting what had him down, if even for fleeting moments.

She hoped talking about it now was helping him take his mind off things. He was probably a wreck from hunting his sister and losing yet another one, right after he had discovered he even had an _other_ one.

But she also had her selfish reasons. She did not realise when she had shifted to resting her chin in her palms, her elbows on each of her now folded legs, watching him talk about learning to redirect lightning. Mai never admitted to anyone how having him be that way with her – oblivious to what talking about Firebending made him look like, sharing every little detail, not holding back – felt like he had lit her heart on fire, melting it entirely, moulding it back such that it was branded his. All over again.

Catching herself, she jerked up, sitting straight in a frenzy, wondering how many minutes had passed with her gaping at him like a fool.

Thankfully, Zuko continued, without noticing.

Pulling herself together, she leaned sideways towards Toph and whispered, ‘Uhm, I’m heading off Toph. Very tired today.’

She shot her a ‘thumbs up’ as Mai rose and quietly disappeared behind the temple columns.

Zuko watched her shadowy figure sleuth away. While he wasn’t sure why she had decided to leave, it wasn’t before he had noticed her staring and listening to him intently.

Sometime later, the group split up to retire for the night, needing their rest before the big day tomorrow. Zuko bid his goodnights as he strolled towards his tent.

He noticed a figure, perched on a boulder by the edge of the temple looking off towards a clearing in the forest. It took his brain a second too long to recognise Mai’s silhouette without her unique mounds of hair sticking up. The view of her sitting on a rock under the full moon, hair, and robes floating to display the direction of the wind had an archetypical resemblance to many a painting that adorned the walls of the Fire Nation palace.

Emboldened a little by the clear interest Mai had shown earlier in the evening, and unsure if she should be left to her own devices after this morning, he walked up to her.

‘Hey’ he said softly, not wanting to startle.

‘Hey’ she responded, rather pleasantly.

‘May I?’ Zuko apprehensively pointed at another boulder set a few feet away from hers.

Mai simply nodded. He sat down, happy to be allowed her company, immediately focused at not ruining the moment. Tomorrow they would find Tom-Tom and the others, and Mai will have left his life again.

He looked sideways at her; she was craning her neck reaching for the full moon. Her hair brushed against her face in the wind, obstructing his view of her in a way he was not used to. His hand twitched to tuck it behind her ear, but he managed to keep it rooted on his knee.

‘You’re doing okay?’ he quietly asked.

She forced a short mirthless laugh, turning to look at him, ‘Why are you and Ty Lee acting like it’s the end of the world? Hair grows back. I’m fine.’

‘Good to know’ he smiled, remaining unconvinced. He wondered if she had yet had the opportunity to see herself; they didn’t exactly have any mirrors handy.

‘You know, this actually suits you a lot? No one would have thought it possible, but somehow this makes your whole ‘trained fighter look’ even more ragged and ...sultry’ Zuko mentally slapped himself. _Spectacular choice of words_. Why would he ruin the first normal conversation they were having like that?

He wasn’t even lying, the change was jarring, but not necessarily bad. But now obviously she would think he was lying to gain her favour. _Sultry?_ _Really?!_

Mai chortled softly; her unexpected response laced with a hint of genuineness. She continued to look at the cloudless sky shaking a warning finger at him, ‘Don’t flirt. Not with lies.’

Zuko was pleasantly surprised at that, remembering to keep his cool.

‘Swear to Koh.’ He protested, ‘You look good.’

‘You said to me once,’ Mai drawled, breathing deeply with a thoughtful stroke of her chin as she pretended to pull up a long-forgotten memory, still with the ghost of a smile on her face, ‘that my long hair was your favourite thing.’

He _had_ said that to her once. He had been earnest.

‘Guess I didn’t know how much better it could be’ Zuko shrugged, following her gaze up toward the night sky.

The soft movement of the wind wafted over an odd peacefulness. They quietly appreciated the vast open sky above them, stars visible out here, away from the city where one usually struggled against the artificial lights all around.

Before Zuko could trudge down the path of figuring his place in the universe, his attention was suddenly shifted to the boulder he was sat on. He felt it rumble under him. In a sudden flash, it moved with shocking speed, pushing him back with inertia. He held on instinctively, not wanting to be thrown backward on his head. The boulder started and halted in a split second, stopping just short of crashing into the one Mai was on. Now within inches of one another, both looked up in alarm, turning as they heard a loud yawn a little way off.

Toph sauntered across the temple courtyard behind them, ‘Windy tonight isn’t it?’ she yelled over, disappearing behind the temple walls.

‘TOPH!’ Zuko called out, but before he could make any move to chase her. He heard Mai’s low quiet laughter beside him. Not an awkward dismissive laugh, not an inflated defensive laugh either, a rare, open, Mai laugh.

He found himself snickering too. He hadn’t realised how much he missed hearing her laughter. What he wouldn’t give to bottle it up and keep it with him, without it dissipating wastefully into the air.

On a different night, he might have wrapped his arms around her, peppering her neck and ear lobes with kisses and playful bites, making her shake with laughter. Years of training under her mother's watchful eyes held Mai back from launching into full belly laughs straight away, but Zuko knew ways to get her there.

He debated hotly for a second whether he should continue sitting this close to her or acknowledge the awkwardness and just stand instead.

Maybe he should just leave at this point while things were still good.

‘She’s a menace’ Mai spoke, giving him a quick release from his agony. Zuko didn’t move from his spot assuming this meant she didn’t mind the proximity.

‘She’s a lot like you’ he offered as Mai shook her head, her locks that ended prematurely below her chin, now accentuating the motion as they moved with her.

He added, ‘You know, I think the biggest positive about your new haircut, is that now you probably won’t leave thousands of hairpins in your wake.’

Mai grinned, ‘I probably quite literally have thousands of my pins strewn around in some or the other corner of the royal palace.’ She turned away blushing, thinking about all the many times her hair had come undone in random corners of the palace courtesy Zuko.

‘You know how you had me carrying a hairpin around for you, in case you needed one to pin up an unruly hair or lost one of your own?’ Zuko questioned.

‘Yes, and you held on to it too,’ Mai reminded with a smugly raised eyebrow.

‘I did’ he agreed, reaching down into his sleeve. He pulled up a black metal hair clip lined in red from where he kept it clipped inside his tunic sleeve from the day Mai had first handed it to him more than a year ago (‘Keep it. If I ever need a clip in a fix, I’m going to ask for this back’).

She had been half-joking, but he had kept it with him anyway, patiently waiting for the day she would be at a loss for one and he would surprise her with it. She never had been, and instead of surprising her, it was often he who was surprised at the clips he found in places he would never expect them – in his bed, days after she had visited, in the pockets of his robes, sometimes to his immense embarrassment, in official scrolls during meetings.

This particular clip though, he always knew where to find, it had somewhat become a part of his daily dressing routine. Underclothes, tunic, belt, clip, robes, cape, crown.

Mai’s eyes widened at the object in his hands. Her lips opened as if to say something, then shut before she could. An undecipherable expression flitted across her face as she reached out to take the object from him, never once meeting his gaze.

An unnatural silence blanketed them. She toyed with the clip, staring into her lap as she did, not knowing what to say or do. She recognised it, but wasn’t sure what it meant that he had kept it with him all this time after she had left and was giving it back to her now. In the warm hairclip in her palm, she saw the rolled-up picture of herself and Zuko from the Half-Solstice Festival, safely tucked away in her bedside drawer.

Zuko wanted to put an arm around her noticing her hunched over from the cold but was rendered immobile. It was like the dark clouds she had kept away with her feigned adequacy, had moved in on her again. Moments passed as they sat quietly in silence, close but far.

Finally, not willing to subject herself to the tacit tension any longer, Mai’s robes rustled against the grass as she made to get up, ‘I’ll see you then, it’s getting late.’

‘Yeah’ Zuko watched, lost for words as his eyes followed her back as retreated to her tent. He waited patiently until he was sure she was safely out of earshot. Then, losing any semblance of composure, he pushed forth a wave of fire from his palms with a frustrated shout. His anger at himself for not saying, not doing _anything_ , raising the temperature of the air around him. 

Despite telling himself that there was nothing more to do than to accept Mai as a closed chapter in his life, he wasn’t ready to move on. He didn’t think he could ever be. This might have been his last chance to tell her how he felt, how he was willing to do anything to have her back, willing to make her fall in love with him all over again, and he had with consistency, blown it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe someday I will commission short-haired Mai art. I think she would look stunning.


	10. Vanity (part 2)

_Zuko felt the welcome stretch in his jaw as he yawned, tightening his night robes around his waist. The floor on the upper rung of Mai’s three-storeyed family manor felt cold enough under his bare feet that the fresh tinge of thrill he felt as the first rays of the morning sun fell on his skin, was all the more rewarding._

_The floor to ceiling glass walls, that framed the sun-facing side of her home allowing the light to stream in, were probably the only Fire Nation-esque feature in the otherwise culturally ambiguous mansion. Ukano had built this home like a puzzle, each piece a souvenir of marvel from his postings around the world. It was not uncommon to find Water Tribe designed silverware or Earth kingdom inspired stoves in this home._

_Whenever Mai found the house all to herself, which was often, his coming over was customary. Being in her house, which wasn’t adorned with Fire Nation insignias every two feet and felt a lot more like Mai than it did him, helped him loosen up in a way he couldn’t in the royal palace. His presence at her mansion was usually a source of fretful anxiety for her though. She constantly worried that her family or well-meaning guests would arrive pre-warning, catching them off-guard._

_Zuko knew a lot more of this house than he was allowed to let on when at dinner with Mai’s parents. Her under-the-table nudges jolting him to remember feigning surprise at some ‘new’ artwork Ukano was showing to him._

_He didn’t particularly understand Mai’s reticence about the extent of their relationship when it came to her parents. He was, after all, the Fire Lord; this couldn’t be too bad of an arrangement. It obviously had something to do with the odd nature of her relationship with her parents, that much he had made out. Not being one to comment on complicated family bonds, he had chosen to leave that matter alone._

_As he neared her room, Zuko checked his barely awake appearance in the (Kyoshi Island specialty) hallway mirror. His night robes struggled to stay on his shoulders from where he had hastily thrown them on, while his hair looked in desperate need for a royal combing._

_At the sight of the heavy doors to her room, Zuko’s mind jumped ahead of his steps and into bed beside Mai. Stomach sleeper that she was, he would spot her pale back, arms spread over her pillows peeking from below her indomitable hair on the red satin sheets, her body hopefully as bare as it had been the night before. He would throw his arms over hers and incessantly kiss her wake her so they could get some breakfast together. She would whine and mumble about wanting a few more minutes. He would concede, wrapping her up close to him and catching a few extra minutes of blissful sleep himself._

_The images in his mind powered his hands as he flung the door open with more force than was necessary. He stopped abruptly, cursing as his hands shot to cover his face from the rays of the sun that assaulted his eyes as he stared directly into the bright room._

_‘Good morning to you too, Fire Lord Zuko’ Mai plainly responded, unfazed by the sudden and assertive intrusion of her privacy._

_‘You’re awake’ Zuko blinked, staggering as he trusted his limbs to lead him to her bed in the absence of sight. As his vision settled, he saw Mai looking at him, amused at his antics, from where she sat at her vanity._

_‘Have been for some time’ she turned to the mirror again. She too was dressed in only her nightgown and a robe but looked much fresher, having bathed. She was finger-combing her damp hair that endlessly flowed down the back of her chair._

_‘Breakfast?’ she asked._

_Zuko had settled himself on the bed, an elbow propping up his head so he could watch her, ‘Let’s go outside?’_

_No matter how much of the night they spent together, it was an unwritten rule of their arrangement that Zuko retire to the guest-chamber instead of sleeping in her room like he would have liked. He didn’t insist otherwise, he knew that she, not unlike other young women, carried the unfair weight of bringing shame to her family at being caught behaving **unladylike** in any manner whatsoever. It was a weight she carried close to her, whether or not she liked to._

_She nodded, turning her head slightly to him, continuing to attack the knots in her hair, singling them out with her adept fingers. In the mirror, Zuko could see her reflection, her neck, and chest exposed in a way they rarely were outside of bed with him. Even from here, he could see the reddish mark on her inner shoulder that he had left there only last night._

_He smirked at the delicious images filling his mind again. So much for being ladylike._

_So, first thing in the morning he had scrawled out a note, delivered to the new bakery in the Capital's poshest locality through his messenger hawk, asking for it to be shut to visitors for a breakfast date with Mai._

_He knew he didn’t have to prove himself to her, it was more something he did for himself. There were bound to be whispers about a young unmarried Fire Lord and his supposedly debauched lifestyle, especially in his case where the resistance was relentless in trying to disfigure him in public. As much as he liked to think of these acts as a way to reassure Mai, it was more to keep himself level headed. There was only so much one could hear of something without doubting themselves._

_He rolled his back flat onto the bed, as he felt his heavy lids falling shut without resistance._

_‘Don’t fall asleep. I’ll be done shortly.’ Mai called over from her seat._

_“Done shortly” meant at least an hour. She didn’t take long to put on her clothes or her makeup, it was the hair. The hair took forever._

_‘Mhm,’ he responded sleepily, unfurling as his hands relaxed over her smooth, cold sheets. These were new. The ones from last night couldn’t have been left on, he was pretty certain he had heard them rip under Mai’s unforgiving clench at some point._

_Gosh, how he loved being tangled with her, legs entwined with each other, hands roaming unrestricted, lips never too far from one another’s. Everything else could go straight to the underworld for all he cared._

_Unfortunately, they weren’t exactly bombarded with too many opportunities to spend long lengths of time uninterrupted with one another. And so, when they did, they didn’t waste it on mindless shagging. There was always creativity and excitement and love. He’d be lying if he said these weren’t some of his favourite moments with her. Not just because of the physical release, but because they were truly themselves, no pretences._

_Zuko spoke. Unlike Mai. Words came easily to him around her, so he was always using them to appreciate her, make jokes, tell her how good she looked and how much he loved her. For her, it was the doing. She never said she loved him, back. But he didn’t mind it, he knew where to find her ‘I love you’s. They were in the time she took out for him, in the soups she made him, in her ever-present touch, in her caresses, and in her kisses._

_It was the physicality that hadn’t been easy for Zuko in the beginning. Mai had been his first... well everything. Though he was originally under the notion that his first proper kiss had been with Jin from Ba Sing Se; Mai had convinced him (at knifepoint) that his first kiss was in fact, her. The result of a dare from Azula when they were eight-year-olds._

_His inexperience, and general tendency to flinch at intimacy meant they had had to take things slow. Nervous around the astounding female body, he had let Mai guide him, and she had. Never being one to shy away from showing him exactly what she wanted. She had been gentle with him too, letting him trust her at every step, never asking more than he could give._

_Zuko could admit that in the earlier days of his relationship, he hadn’t been entirely sure if Mai had really liked him for him or had only considered it at Azula’s suggestion. Though he hadn’t voiced it, he was often confused why despite having all the male attention she needed, she had stuck with his disgraced, disfigured self._

_The first time Mai had seen the scar on his torso, he had braced himself, he didn’t know for what. Yet another mark of shame on his body, given to him so lovingly by his family. As she reached out for him, eyes slightly wide at the sight of his scar, he had tried to make light of the situation, bringing up the possibility of fixing both scars with Katara’s healing water, the source of which he knew must exist somewhere._

_Mai hadn’t said much as she had moved closer, guiding him to be seated on the bed, taking in the remnants of his wound for longer than he would have liked. He had looked away when she had lifted her head to him again, unsure if he deserved the concern her eyes carried for him._

_‘But there’s nothing to fix.’_

_Then she had kissed him and she had kissed his scarred eye, gently laying him down. Her lips had followed the trail of her hands on his abdomen down to his new scar. Through her tender kisses, she had given him all the healing he had needed._

_‘Hey,’ he jerked his eyes open as he felt the snap of her fingers right above his nose._

_‘What’ he groaned._

_‘Don’t fall asleep. I’m almost done.’ She leaned away, giving him a look as she walked back to her vanity, having put on her robes at some point as Zuko was drifting. Her hair was dry now, but still open, apparently needing some more attention. She sat down in front of her mirror again, brush in hand._

_Not many people had had the good fortune of touching her hair, she chose to care for it, and even cut it herself. She had never even received a royal hair brushing despite Zuko’s glowing recommendation. Seeing her tend to it now, he wasn’t sure anyone could give it the love she did._

_Not even him, try as he might._

_Some fifteen bottles of concoctions filled her vanity. Her fingers expertly picked the right one for the right step without even looking down. There was that lovely Jasmine somewhere in there. It had wafted over as if looking for him, wrapping around his senses like it always did._

_Even from that distance, Zuko could see her thick hair shining as the sunlight fell on it, not a single hair out of place, not one knot blocking her confident strokes. She seemed so dedicated, carefully pinning it up as she went, making her buns equal on either side, securing it such that she could go through combat without having a single strand disobey her._

_He loved it when she was like this, so passionately absorbed by something. It was a shame that even as he watched her putting in all this time and effort into perfecting her hairdo, his first thought was about letting it down and having it tangled through his fingers again._

_‘Your hair is my favourite’ Zuko noted languorously, catching her eyes in the reflection of her mirror. His announcement was more of a slightly jealous attempt to steal some of her attention from her hair, than it was an attempt at an announcement per se._

_‘…of all hairs… of all of me?’ Mai tilted her head quizzically, humouring him._

_Zuko considered her question. He smirked as he thought of the things about her that he definitely liked more. But it was far too early in the morning to mention any of them. Sometimes there was wisdom in a white lie._

_‘Of everything.’_

_‘I already said yes to breakfast, you don’t have to lay it on so thick’ she rolled her eyes, flicking a sleek dark lock off her shoulder. He glanced at her completely pinned hair, that now held fresh potential for his fingers._

_‘Yeah but see, now we might have to postpone breakfast I feel like.’ Apparently, the lurch in his stomach disagreed with how early in the morning was an acceptable time._

_She caught Zuko smiling mischievously at her in the reflection of her mirror. ‘Idiot’ she mumbled under her breath, smiling despite herself._

_Then, narrowing her eyes as him she asked, ‘Aren’t you hungry?’_

_Zuko couldn’t help the smile spreading to his eyes as his tongue poked the inside of his cheek._

_Realising a second too late the opportunity she had set up for him, she opened her mouth hurriedly to cut him off._

_They spoke at once, their words crashing into one another's._

_‘ **Don’t** say it-’ ‘There’s plenty to eat right here.’_

_Mai ugh-ed as Zuko snickered self-congratulatorily, having beaten her to it._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit nervous about wrapping this one up shortly. Thank you if you've been reading along and commenting and kudos-ing. It helps very much :)


	11. Escape (part 1)

Instead of returning to her tent, Mai had walked right by it. There was no point tossing and turning in a claustrophobic cloth sack knowing full well that sleep wouldn’t be taking mercy on her tonight. She glided quietly over the concrete temple floors, going further inside the derelict structure, away from the courtyard where the tents were set up.

This once-mighty fire temple seemed to have undergone a violent half-demolition. Most of its ramshackle pillars and walls stood at half their intended height, and most room-like structures had no ceilings. Nature had begun to stake her claim through the floor and pillars, as the moonlight shone brightly against the tributes to Agni etched on the walls.

Mai ducked into a room on the side, if a barely walled structure with an unintended grassy floor could even be called that.

This one had caught her eye on account of the stone slabs that lay about it. The tablets carried worn out inscriptions she could not read, indicating that the room might have been a library of some kind in its glory days.

Had this been a Sun Warriors temple perhaps?

She wondered if using one of these ancient tablets as a prop for a makeshift mirror would be considered disrespectful to Agni. Heaving one up, she quickly decided the universe had put her through enough lately to warrant this minor disrespect on her end.

Straining from the effort of leaning the heavy slab against a broken column in the center of the room, she plopped down on the grass in front of it. She expertly slid out four of her flattest edged knives from her ankle holster, then began arranging them, much less expertly, onto the tablet.

The knives did not combine into a mirror as perfectly as she had imagined they might. Even so, she hoped the light of the full moon, and the extra vengeful polishing she had given her blades before setting out to look for her brother, would come together to serve as a reflective enough surface for her. And to her dismay, they did.

Spotting a glimpse of her jagged reflection in the sporadically placed knives, she averted her eyes instantly. It was still far too alarming.

She gripped her sleeve tightly, edging unconvincingly to reach for her brush. She felt the thumping of her heart in her ears as she braved the ‘mirror’ again.

The girl who stared back wasn’t her. The girl who stared back had sunken eyes, she looked tired and she looked jumpy.

She also had the worst haircut Mai had seen on anyone.

An unexpected hysterical chuckle rose from her chest as she reached her hands, shockingly high, to find the ends of her mane. All those years of devotion and care, gone in a second.

She covered her mouth with a hand, physically barring any more hysterical sounds that threatened to break through. Her eyes were rounded as she noticed her unusually angular jaw jutting below the awkward length of her hair, her locks themselves having the lost the lustre that was her pride.

She felt her hands drop to her knees as she drew in deep shaky breaths, counting them in a bid to ground herself.

All she had to do was pin her hair behind her, preventing the ragged edges from haunting her further; ensuring as they grazed her chin, that she wouldn’t forget her humiliation anytime soon.

She tried to focus on the feeling of the comb’s smooth cold surface in her hand as she reached it up to her hair. Running it quickly once through, she realised this would be harder than she had imagined. Her hair was more knotted than it had ever been, dusty and coarse from being tossed around in the wind all day.

Wanting to not deliberate this activity, she took a breath in, then dragged her comb through the length (or lack thereof) of her hair, not letting the scratchy sounds that followed her strokes disconcert her.

_‘Ow ma! That hurts!’ Mai yelped as her mother dragged the comb harshly through her hair._

_‘Oh, stop it, Mai! It’s just a comb. Women have to learn to be resilient’ her mother pulled her hair back collecting it into her palm._

Not minding the sharp tugs on her scalp, she stared directly at her reflection. It challenged her to look away, but she wouldn't.

Did this girl staring back at her with all that fire, this _new_ Mai, really think she could one-up her? Did she really think she could take her down in a fair fight? Mai would annihilate the poor girl before she could even gather her wits.

Paying no mind to the numbing cold on her fingers she continued to drag the comb that yanked out of her hair prematurely. This didn’t faze her; she had done worse things.

This didn’t faze her.

As a child she had desperately wanted to chop off her hair like the other girls her age. It had been rather fashionable at the time to do so and almost all her friends had sported shoulder length haircuts at some point.

_‘Let me cut my hair ma. Only a little.’ Mai pleaded. Her mother couldn’t wriggle out of this one as she sat behind her, tending to her hair._

_She had asked her permission for a hair transformation several times. Each time that her mother declined by deflecting her request, the chopping length in question would reduce. It went from ‘only half’ to ‘not too much’ to ‘only a little’._

_She hated her long hair. It took forever to care for and she could never do it without her mother’s help. After all that effort, Azula would still pull on it while they played, mocking her for looking like a grandma. She wasn’t wrong._

_All the other girls looked pretty with their trendy haircuts. All except her._

_‘I don’t understand this darling. You are blessed with such beautiful hair! Young women must keep their hair long, healthy, and **always**_ _tied up. You don’t want to attract any unwanted male attention.’ Michi reminded, bending down by a dejected Mai’s ear to drive the point home. ‘A woman’s hair is her crown, that she only lets down for her husband.’_

_‘But all the pretty girls at the travelling circus have shorter hairs too and they leave them open all the time!’ Mai protested._

_‘Those pretty girls only earn the attention of dirty shopkeepers and old uncles. Have you ever seen nice boys like Prince Zuko look at those girls? Huh?’_

_She had. The stupid academy boys would climb the trees around the circus tents, laughing as they peered into them with binoculars._

_Her mother continued to tug uncomfortably, tying up her hair in those childish ribbons Mai hated so passionately._

_‘I don’t care about Zuko’ she whined._

_‘You should’_

_Feeling a tight ache in her chest she tried to hold back her tears, staring at the floor hoping her quivering lips wouldn’t give her away._

Her scalp throbbed with the pain from tugging the comb so roughly, but she couldn’t care less. The interest and concern she harboured for her hair had been sliced along with it.

She just wanted to be done with the pinning.

Her eyes had not for a second blinked away from her reflection in the mirror. She stared until she no longer balked at her _pathetic_ sight.

And just how pathetic it was! She was sitting on the floor of a decrepit building, hiding away in a forest, miles away from her home and family, tearing through her ugly, dirty hair like some kind of animal.

Azula should have burned her hair all those years ago at the playground when she threatened Mai after one of her shurikens landed too close to her. Maybe then, Mai wouldn’t have put in all those years of effort only to be made to look like a complete fool someday.

Seems like she had found the recurring theme in her life.

Tossing her comb to the side, unable to keep brushing for any longer, she picked up the hairpin Zuko had given her. It would have to suffice.

She grunted in irritation as the pin refused to clip on right away, her limited visuals of the back of her head driving her up the wall. She just wanted her revolting hair out of her face so she could avoid touching it or dealing with it or doing anything that reminded her of how stupid she looked and felt. Yet at every step so far, that is all she was forced to do.

Maybe she should just cut it all off at this point. It would cause her a lot less trouble.

Her hands strained behind her, trying to collect the hair that kept slipping away from her. She bit down on her lower lip.

_She winced as her mother, annoyed at her antics, pulled her head back to ensure she had tucked away every last strand, ‘I don’t want to have this conversation again Mai. Please do not compare yourself with Azula. She is the daughter of the Fire Lord, a princess and a Bender, she can marry whomever she wants and get whatever she wants without really trying. It is not the same for you. It would do you good to remember that your father works very hard for this family. Learn the ways of a powerful aristocratic woman while you are young or just follow my instructions. You are never to cut your hair, that is final.’_

_Mai sniffled, reaching up to wipe the tears that had escaped her eyes despite her best efforts._

_Michi sighed loudly, ‘My dear child, how do you expect anyone to take you seriously if you cry at little things like this.’_

_Her mother patted her head gently on her way out, leaving her alone in her room, hair done up flawlessly, tears drenching her sleeves._

Every time she tried to hold it together with the clip, her hair would escape from the sides, coming undone. Her hands ached from the effort of holding them up behind her, trying to collect her disgraced tresses into the blasted hairpin.

Not once in her life had her hair rebelled against her in this way. It always did as it was told.

With an angry cry, she threw the pin to the ground.

In a moment of blind rage, she drew out a blade from her sleeve about to reach for her hair –

‘Mai?’

She jumped at the sound, twisting around to see Zuko standing by the entrance column, dropping her blade in the process.

A hand flew to her chest trying to calm her quickened heartbeat from the scare, sighing loudly in relief.

‘Why would you creep up on me like that, you freaked me out!’ she turned away from him as he took a few unsure steps forward. How long had he been standing there, watching her act like a madwoman?

‘I’m sorry, I went looking for you in your tent and you weren’t there –

‘I know you’re the Fire Lord, doesn’t mean you can just spy on whomever you please’ she bit back, looking with her hands for the blade she had dropped in the grass, not once having faced him.

Zuko knew she was angry and disturbed but he was still taken aback at her words, especially after the conversation they had just had outside. He would never use his leverage as the Fire Lord against her, she knew that.

_Except for that time, you commanded her to stay?_

He stepped closer, bringing more light to their surrounding with the small flame dancing on his palm, ‘I wanted to tell you something.’

While he had sat alone at the boulder, grappling with her absence, Zuko had decided he wasn’t just going to let her leave without telling her how he truly felt. He couldn’t. What she did with his confession was up to her, but lying awake wondering if he had held the door open as she exited his life forevermore, was unacceptable to him.

Mai didn’t respond, continuing to look for the blade in the grass. Her fingers had briefly touched it before, but she let it serve as an excuse to not look him in the eye until he hopefully left her alone again.

Instead, she felt herself tensing as Zuko knelt down quietly in front of her. His presence right now was far more nerve-wracking to her than it had any right to be.

‘I was thinking about that time I said your hair was my favourite and I wasn’t lying when I said that, but it’s not really what I meant.’

She felt her heart hammering in her throat. The blade on the floor reflected the light from Zuko’s fire, not permitting her pretence any longer. She still couldn’t look up to face him right now. He was too close; he would see right through her.

She had never been so not-in-control of the situation before. She felt naked and vulnerable. Her hands fumbled to conceal the blade in her sleeve as she turned her head to the side, facing the mirror, using her open hair as a veil against him.

Not confident in her ability to carry a dignified sentence at this moment, her silence shielded her too.

‘The way I felt about you that morning, that’s the same way I feel when I see you sparring, sharpening your knives, reading or playing with Tom-Tom.’ 

His flame went out with a swish as he reached out with both hands to cup her face, turning her to look at him. He was no longer entertaining her dismissal; he would speak and she would listen to him.

She didn’t resist, letting his hands, one warmer than the other, guide her face, tilting her head up towards him. Her eyes remained downcast; her lashes sheltering her dark pupils that threatened to spill her tears.

Why was he here? He was making this so much more difficult.

She couldn’t give in. She had to be strong. He was the Fire Lord. She had to be strong.

Her shoulders drew close as the low sound of his voice, so close to her after _so_ long, continued.

‘Or when you share your thoughts on our relations with neighbouring nations, or when you sweep the last crumbs of your fruit tart from the plate, or when you are the only student Sifu Kitao continues to invite for tea’ his teasing words were laced with a longing for those light moments that had ceased to make an appearance in his life since she had left.

Even though Mai knew exactly how his eyes looked right now, she ached to see them for herself, slanted in that way when he smiled faintly.

She felt the loss of his hands on her face as he shifted to pick up the hairpin from where she had chucked it to the ground. His fingers brushed against her neck and ears, sending shivers along her spine, as he carefully gathered her hair behind her, clipping it back in one easy go.

Mai’s hands gripped the fabric of her robes by her knees as he tentatively tucked a few rebel strands behind her ear. She watched the colour drain from her knuckles, rushing up to her face instead.

‘That morning, it wasn’t your hair. It was you. You try to not appear amused by things, but you do. A lot. And it’s beautiful. I love watching you do things that do that to you. I love seeing passion in you. I love you.’

She sniffled; her gaze still trained at the floor. Zuko saw unshed tears streaking down her face as she squeezed her eyes shut at his words. His hand spanned her jaw again, thumb raising to wipe the tears from her cold cheek.

He had never seen Mai like this, so hurt and so unwilling to give in, even to him.

‘Mai’ he said, inching closer, almost whispering, ‘it’s just me.’

His words made past the flimsy barriers she was struggling to uphold. Finally, her eyes flicked up to him. They were brimming with so much anguish that he thought his heart would shatter.

The look of concern that clouded his face as his eyes darted across hers was almost too much for Mai. Unable to give a single damn about her dignity or pride anymore, she burst into tears falling into his embrace, her hands holding on to his robes behind him.

She couldn’t deny herself the safety and familiarity of his arms, the healing touch of his hands protectively holding her head close to his chest. Zuko closed his eyes feeling Mai’s body shake with every sob. He rocked her gently, rubbing her back as she tried to fight the tears long enough to breathe in.

‘Why is this happening to me?’ she stuttered through the suffocating grasp of her sobs, into his chest.

‘You did nothing wrong Mai’ Zuko tried to pull her in even closer, heating her up against his body, the torrent of her warm tears seeping through his robes onto his skin.

‘I deserve it!’ she cried, her hands reaching up to her chest as she felt the force of her wails fighting her lungs to break free, finally making up for all the years she had held them back. ‘I deserve it because –’

Her breathing stuttered as she tried to pull air back into her lungs, once again breaking down into a fit of tears.

‘–cause all I do is let people down! I let my father and mother down, I let Azula down, I let you down, I let Kei Lo down, I let Tom-Tom –

She trembled, choking back a sob in vain as a fresh onslaught of tears defeated her resolve. He pressed his cheek down on the top of her head, as tremors ran through her body that clung on to him, unsure if he had just felt her heart break, or his own. 

Zuko had never seen her like this. Ever. She was the kind of rock that would brave earthquakes, always so poised, the perfect sophisticated image of someone in complete control. Nothing had ever gotten under her skin enough to even make her throw an uncalculated shuriken. In his darkest moments, he would imagine her soothing confidence, drawing strength from it.

It was killing him to see her now, so far removed from her old self. He should have sought her sooner. She had needed him, while he had been holding on to his dear pride in his desolate palace.

He couldn’t make up for his absence but he still tried with the soft comforting kisses that he left all over her hair, his face buried in it. He drew circles on her back trying to stabilise her against him as she completely melted in his hold. Every time she lost the battle of dignity against her sobs, he could feel the silent scream escaping her slightly parted lips against him.

She was scared. Her body had never rebelled against her mind so violently before.

She cried, but never like this. Not with a force that felt like her organs might escape through her throat. Least of all she expected, not even in her wildest dreams, that having someone beside her at her lowest moment would be acceptable to her. But Zuko’s hands protectively holding her against him, allowing her to lose herself in his warmth, were more than acceptable to her right now. She needed him.

Her throat felt swollen as she tried to release the words trapped inside her, ‘I’m such a fucking mess. I have no self-respect and I look pathetic. I’m disgusting –

‘ ** _No_** , Mai’ Zuko spoke finally, sternly raising his voice above her soft wails. ‘You are so strong. Stronger than you know’ hands gently squeezing her shoulder.

‘You did everything you could to make your mother happy, you did everything to make your father happy. You left your home and moved to a foreign land every time your father was reposted; you held up every ridiculous rule your mother threw at you. Them separating is not your fault. Losing Tom-Tom is not your fault –

‘I should have –

‘No, but you already did all that you could! You are the light of Tom-Tom’s life. You are the light of _my_ life Mai and you could never let me down. I was terrible to you. Always afraid to lose you by sharing too much, but I should have let you walk beside me. I needed you but you needed me too. I’m so sorry Mai’ he fought to keep his voice from breaking.

She whimpered, still sobbing, but quieter now. Breathing heavily from this unfamiliar exertion.

Zuko was realising now that he wasn't the only one with scorch marks from his past and he may never forgive himself for failing to see hers earlier. 

He swallowed the pain in his throat, continuing, ‘And you have a lot of self-respect. You walked out on the Fire Lord for not treating you the way you rightfully deserved. Not many people care enough about themselves to do that. I respect you for that.’

Mai sniffled, snuggling closer into him, trying to catch more of his relieving heat in the cold night, her hands pressed between them on his chest.

‘You are an incredible markswoman; you are smart and you are funny. You are also breathtakingly stunning, hair or no hair. You are you and no one can take that from you, especially not Azula.’

Her tremors hadn’t stopped but they came slower, she continued to cough and sputter as he rubbed her arm comfortingly.

They stayed that way for some time, the quiet only interrupted by Mai’s involuntary expressions of grief.

Then at some point after he thought she had calmed down, she had torn away from him, oddly gasping for breath. He had panicked, not knowing what was happening or how to help her. But she, despite her lungs rummaging for air, had sought the wall with deliberate calm, leaning against it. He didn’t want to crowd her, thinking she would probably need clear cold air and open space. Still, he had rubbed her knee until she could breathe better once again.

The bout came and went in a few minutes but what shook him the most was that she seemed like she had dealt with this before. A few times.

Her face was flushed, lips swollen from biting down hard and eyes red from the relentless stream of tears that rushed from them. She had reached out her hand for him and without a word he had swooped in beside her against the wall, cradling her once again.

Mai stayed pressed up against his chest for he wasn’t sure how long. She sniffled and mumbled; he kissed and consoled, constantly keeping her warm. He whispered a slew of assurances, apologies, and sweet nothings without tiring, as a defeated Mai eventually ceased to protest in his care.

Respite came late into the night when he felt her shallow fast breaths ease into her regular controlled ones as she entered a light slumber in his arms. Pins and needles ran through Zuko’s legs from being curled under him for so long, but he dared not move them in fear of waking Mai up, who had only just ceased her fevered mutterings of all that plagued her. He stayed awake, his hands caressing her hair well into the morning. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess there's going to be a chapter or two more than I originally planned.


	12. Escape (part 2)

_After the two minutes she had mentally assigned each advisor to suck up to Zuko post his address to the nation, adding a few miscellaneous minutes as well, she had deduced that he would be exiting the stage and entering the throne room right about now. But he wasn’t._

_Her teeth scraped over her slightly chapped lips, as she leaned against a pillar, not allowing herself to lose concentration on her relaxed shoulders. Should she get comfortable and lean too far behind, she might tumble to a sizzling death in the wall of flames that crowned the Fire Throne. On the other hand, perhaps sudden death wouldn’t be too painful a way to end her present ordeal._

_She picked the skin around her nails, a satisfactory distraction from the unpleasantness brewing in her stomach._

_How could she have forgotten that Zuko had his big public address this week? The very week she had decided to avoid him. The same week she had resolved would be her last in the Capital._

_Her absence following his address would be too obvious and too cruel. She couldn’t do that to him. He was always a mass of nerves for days before his speeches, convinced that his next would be his last. The citizens would rise up and revolt against him, having had enough of the Illegitimate Fire Lord, bringing down the crown and his head in one extremely successful and awfully short rebellion._

_It was customary for Mai to wait for him in the throne room, where he would land first thing after exiting the grand podium and having consulted all his advisors post-speech. She would kiss him on the forehead, atop his still-intact head, and tell him he had done much better than he thought he might have. There were also possible areas of improvement she would sometimes supply._

_So, hearing the town crier inform the public about the date and time for the Fire Lord’s General Address, she had rolled herself face down into her pillow and despaired for nearly an hour like a corpse, undisposed to raising even a disappointed finger. She felt spent, having worried excessively about this whole situation for the past week, working herself into that awful deathly panic only last night. All while being secure in the assumption that she wouldn’t have to face him before her great disappearing act._

_That afternoon while she watched over Tom-Tom who recited his alphabets, she had sat with a notepad, scattering her thoughts on the dull page._

_Did she have to leave? Yes, she did. Did she have to break up with him? He deserved better than an indecisive, useless mess of a person, so yes, she did. Should she break up with him in person? Perhaps. Could she? Absolutely not. Did she have to go see him today? She couldn’t change that she still loved him and couldn’t keep away when she knew he needed her so yes, she did. Pros of going to see him? He wouldn’t doubt something was off and come looking for her for a confrontation that she couldn’t have. Cons? Well._

_She_ **_was_ ** _avoiding him. Trying to cause him (or herself really) as little pain as she possibly could when she moved out of the Capital and broke up with him via letter, once she was settled in Aunt Mura’s home._

_It was cruel, but she would have never come up with the idea of breaking up through a letter had it not been for Zuko himself. So technically, it was fair._

_But really if she spent more than a second to think about it, it wasn’t. When he had penned her that dreadful letter (that she still kept in her bedside drawer), they had both been so young, and more importantly, there had been a war that threatened to tip over the very balance of the world. Now they were adults, and the war was only in Mai’s head._

_Self-inflicted as always._

_She could just stay here with her boyfriend, the Fire Lord, and fulfil all of her materialistic desires and maybe some non-materialistic ones too. She could be happy, right?_

_If only being happy was that easy._

_Their meeting would be fine. All she had to do, was be polite, establish as little physical contact as possible, and leave as soon as she could. The more attached she stayed, the more she would be torturing herself and him in the long run. Easy to concur, difficult to even imagine sticking to the plan._

_There was a natural ease that she fell into around him; it was reflex, built slowly over the years they had been together. Not to mention the stress of the past few days would be even more of a motivation for her to give in to him._

_She decided to give herself three strikes. Three strikes of unacceptable proximity or letting her guard down and she would walk away._

_The lesser she engaged with him, the easier this would be, she thought, tearing off a tiny bit of her cuticle that supplied less pain than the overall irritation it was causing her eyes. She thought she had killed this bad habit of hers years ago when she replaced her picking, with obsessively painting her nails black, deciding it was more acceptable to her to have painless non-bloody fingers, over the stares of her mother’s friends who thought black was a ‘dreadful colour on a nice young girl like her’._

_The thing about leaving that bothered her the most, was Zuko’s safety. There was literal danger to his life and while there wasn’t much that her presence in the Capital could do for it, being able to see him alive and well each day with her own eyes helped her sleep a little better the following night._

_His newly appointed guards had cast that concern aside as well. Suki and Ty Lee were not just top-notch trained warriors, they were friends too. They would look after him with far more personal stake than the incompetent Fire Nation guards. So right after she had convinced Zuko, with much effort, to employ the Kyoshi Warriors as his personal guards, she had begun to plan her move._

_With that, all was set. There was no point flipping this over and over in her mind – is what she had told herself, flipping it over and over in her mind._

**_Oh right._ ** _She had forgotten the three Southern Water Tribe diplomats that were visiting. Six more minutes. That meant he should be here any minute now._

_She ought to have stopped raining down on her poor thumb that throbbed under the sharp tug of her nails, but its assistance was required while she was filled with fresh agony thinking how she would address the topic of her notable absence from his life for the past week. He_ **_would_ ** _ask._

_While it wasn’t rare for them to go days without seeing one another, there was always a constant trade of messages, gifts, their favourite dishes, and flowers. All of that had happened in the past week too, but only one way._

_If he soured at her avoidance of him, she could just say she had been sick. No, horrible idea, with the questioning that would follow, she might as well somersault right into the flaming wall behind her._

_Maybe Tom-Tom could be the sick one? Wait no, Tom-Tom had arrived from the Academy only yesterday holding a mysteriously wet and dirty note that Zuko had handed him for her. It had been drenched enough that Zuko’s writing in ink had bled all over the sheet. The note carried a clearer message from Tom-Tom’s friends, the local street dogs whom Mai attributed the bite marks that ran deeply across the page to._

_She continued to attack the cuticle around her thumbnail restlessly._

_What if, ma had a twisted ankle and needed –_

_‘Mai!’_

_She jumped a little at the exclamation, not having the opportunity to pull herself together before she was wrapped up in a bear hug, suffocating and full. She relaxed as she found herself smushed against the warm velvet fabric of Zuko’s robes._

_He was wearing his complete Fire Lord ensemble, which made him look exceptionally dreamy at the cost of draping him in far too many layers. For a people with such intuitive command on fire, Fire Benders had a very poor sense of personal heat since they felt nothing of it. Between him and the wall of fire behind her, Mai felt like she was in a steam bath with all her clothes on._

_‘Hey,’ she managed to croak into his shoulder._

_With her hands still pressed between them, he separated just enough so he could look down at her, ‘So glad to see you.’_

_Not waiting for a response, he planted his lips on hers in that wonderful feeling that embarrassingly, still, gave her butterflies sometimes._

_No excuses necessary, it seemed. It was as though he hadn’t even realised that she was avoiding him or perhaps it didn’t really matter that she was. She evaded the thought. The interpretation of either possibility would only bring trouble to her. All she knew was that his ignorance was working in her favour right now. In more ways than one._

_They kissed, her hands languidly resting on his chest, having forgotten the heat that was a source of discomfort only seconds ago. She didn’t want this to be more than a peck, anything further would make her feel too guilty. Supporting her intention, her chin pulled back slightly and they broke apart only a touch. Even before her lids could flutter open, Zuko’s lips instinctively followed hers, covering the distance between them, insistently kissing her once again._

_She knew a peck wouldn’t satisfy him after she had been absent for close to a week, but she also knew she should be putting her foot down and breaking away, privy to the plans cooking in her head. But being the horrible person that she was, she let him kiss her anyway._

_She thought she might have imagined his sigh of relief, as she kissed him back with renewed fervour._

**_Strike one._ **

_It was unfair how blatantly her body obeyed him over her own brain._

_His lips against hers moved with both, a delicateness and a possessiveness. It was such a gentle, loving kiss. A how-have-you been kind of kiss, an I-missed-you kind of kiss._

_In this moment, as his hand circled her waist, she couldn’t believe she was leaving this behind, couldn’t imagine how she had ever thought she would break up with him._

_**That’s why there’s a letter.** _

_She forced her mind that had started to sink into the mellow headiness of his presence, to the forefront. Immediately aware of how clammy his hand felt on her chin._

_Breaking away, she spoke, ‘You were quite nervous.’_

_‘Yeah’ he admitted, stepping back a little, still holding her, ‘Big stuff. Announcing the new schools, changes to our immigration policies.’_

_Wiping his offending palms on the front of his robes he joked, ‘Another day I’m just thankful to be alive.’_

_‘You were good’ she assured, ‘Citizens like you.’_

_His words of protest were curtailed with her firm hand on his chest. ‘The citizens like you’ she repeated._

_Her fingers absentmindedly picked lint off his robes, as she raised her eyebrows at him, ‘though I can’t say the same for public officers. Extending Permit on Arrival to almost all other nations is an unprecedented move; it will definitely ruffle a few feathers especially since I doubt you announced it internally before going public with it. Bold way to do it, but perhaps not the wisest.’_

_He nodded sincerely._

_He could trust her insights. Positive or negative; they were never sugar-coated. Even if sometimes Zuko secretly wished they were._

_If he really had messed up or started to lose popularity, she would tell him. Besides, whispers among his trusted men and observing the interpersonal dynamics of the nobility in the Fire Nation made Zuko almost certain that Ukano and some of his political affiliates did not exactly favour his liberal and modern approach to leadership. So, Mai definitely had cognizance of what the sceptics thought of him and how formidable or negligible their influence was._

_Her hands dropped to her side as he moved back._

_‘Walk with me? I have a meeting in about fifteen minutes, we can sit in the tea room till then.’ It wasn’t really a question; his feet had already begun down the corridor that led away from the throne room._

_She nodded, falling into step with him, ‘Southern Water Tribe?’_

_‘Yeah. Mostly a relationship-building meeting.’ He raised his eyebrows at her, ‘We can do dinner after that?’_

_She looked up at the portraits decorating the corridor, neither accepting nor declining his request, as they rounded the corner, exiting the throne room together. A multitude of renditions of the patented Fire Nation scowls presented by every member of the Royalty thus far, framed the walls. It felt as though the eyes of the past inhabitants of this palace followed her as they walked down the hall, seeing clearly through her deception, already judging her for her pending betrayal._

_She had asked Zuko to consider remodelling the Royal palace to create a more welcoming atmosphere for guests. Despite his agreement, solid work had yet to begin on the front._

_She looked at the women that graced these walls. None as Fire Lords yet. And while Mai was of the opinion that a woman’s leadership would do the Fire Nation a lot of good, the last real candidate had provided the naysayers with too many arguments._

_The women that did grace these walls were all Princesses and Fire Ladies. She was almost certain the court painter was asked to add in that glare, for Mai didn’t remember seeing Ursa ever make that expression. Zuko’s portrait was hung up too; the wall beside it awkwardly blank. A place where her mother longed to see Mai’s own portrait._

_Now, walking down these halls she couldn’t remember if she had ever imagined herself on these walls, in a menacing painting all of her own._

_It was for the better anyway, she probably wouldn’t make a very good Fire Lady. And unlike most of her recent self-deprecating views, this had very little to do with the current state of her relationship with Zuko or her lack of purpose._

_This was a fact she had always been aware of and had announced to him on multiple occasions. Despite his annoyance that followed her proclamations, she wanted to make sure she said it in as many words so that when it eventually came true, she could blame him for marrying her despite her disclaimers._

_While it may not seem it at first, the Fire Lady did perform quite a few duties as the partner of the leader of the Nation. Not many of which piqued Mai’s fancy. Not that being a channel of the great benevolence of the Royal Family was a bad idea, she did not want inaugurating schools and blessing the sick to be her entire deal. She also had very little to offer in the realm of Spirituality which was more of the Fire Lady’s domain and she certainly couldn’t entertain guests or muster fake enthusiasm for political figures she disagreed with (she had seen enough of that in her father’s gatherings to last her a lifetime)._

_Least of all she cared for sitting primly by the Fire Lord for hours, looking the part of an attentive wife and concerned mother figure for her country. She had talents to offer her nation, but they, unfortunately, did not come packaged in the form of utmost femininity and humility._

_Now as she prepared to step away from the possibility of this life, she could admit that taking on the role of the Fire Lady someday, to be bound by the extent of the duties, and to be bound to the Capital, in a title that she would ultimately disgrace, frightened the living daylights out of her._

_She felt a gentle nudge on her elbow._

_‘Stop that. You would make a great Fire Lady and you know it’ Zuko responded to her loud yet unvoiced thoughts._

_‘I wasn’t thinking that’ she lied. The last thing she wanted was for the conversation to take this route._

_In a spectacular jump from knowing her heart to instantly going against it, he continued, ‘I don’t know why you even worry about it. Next to me, the top contender for Worst Fire Lord, you would make an exemplary Fire Lady simply by virtue of contrast.’_

_‘We’re so pathetic’ she chuckled blandly, shaking her head as her hand slipped into his, threading their fingers together._

**_Strike two._ **

_She realised they had neared the Fire Lord’s private tea chamber only when he pulled her into it, closing the door behind her._

_Well, it was less him closing it, and more it being banged shut when he pressed her against it, ‘Expectations get old. I just want to renounce the world, take off with you to a nice remote island, and have to think of doing nothing else but you.’_

_Wishful thinking. Absolutely delightful wishful thinking._

_She grinned indulgently, her hands snaking around his neck, ‘Where do you come up with such wonderful ideas my Lord?’ She didn’t have to leave him. Nothing was lost yet. She could just stay._

_His eyes flicked upwards dismissively, ‘Oh just something that struck me on the podium when I saw you in the audience ogling at me.’_

_She would have snickered, had his words not triggered an unpleasant moment she had encountered while in said audience._

_She stiffened, raising an eyebrow at him, ‘You know who else was ogling at you?’_

_His lips turned upwards in amusement, knowing the direction her question was heading, ‘Yung Sing?’_

_‘Fucking Yung Sing’ Mai agreed, gritting through her teeth._

_Her rare display of jealousy pulled a chortle out of him._

_She glared, failing to find anything funny. She would like him to take her distaste of Yung Sing more seriously._

_All other ‘candidates’ who might have had a shot with the Fire Lord and consequently at being the future Fire Lady had it not been for Mai, respectfully stepped aside, at least when she was around, even if they did it while they ate their hearts out._

_But Yung Sing and her mother had some gall. Just because she enjoyed a good name and favours among the nobility of various kingdoms due to her father’s naval operations, she turned blinder than a badgermole when it came to seeing the line she shouldn't cross. She thought as long as Mai didn't have the royal engagement bracelet on her wrist it was all fair game._

_The girl had even gone to the extent of bribing guards to find out the design of Zuko’s custom made robes for the royal New Year bash the previous year. Mai had of course found out, and gifted him an azure cape that made his otherwise copper outfit mostly blue and thwarted Yung Sing’s petty plans to 'accidentally' have a matching outfit with him. It wasn’t like Mai to be jealous, but this was less about Zuko and more about the prerogative that no one could take from her._

_Truly, Yung Sing had even more power than her mother or Zuko when it came to her engagement. Mai would do it just to spite that red-cheeked poodle-monkey._

_Her eyebrows drew in gravely, ‘Promise me if…something happens to me. You won’t get with_ **_her_ ** _.’_

_‘What’s going to happen to you?’ he quizzed, still with that bemused expression on his face._

**_I’m going to leave._ **

_‘I don’t know…if I die or something.’_

_‘Particularly morose today, are we’ Zuko scrunched his nose in displeasure._

_He planted his hand on the door, beside her head, discarding the expression in favour of his simper._

_‘Why not though?’ he fished for more glimpses of jealous Mai. She rarely gave him that satisfaction, jealousy was usually his department._

_She turned her nose upwards, ‘Do not argue me on this. Anyone but her.’_

_His smile carried an affectionate quality, ‘Okay, when you feel death nearing, write me a list of your preferred candidates.’_

**_So last night then._ **

_She laughed. ‘I probably shouldn’t blame that bejewelled trash bag. You_ **_are_ ** _extraordinarily attractive when you’re being all Lord-of-the-Fire-Nation. The other girls can look all they want’ she sighed, eyes flicking across his that looked down at her, pleased at the tone of her voice, ‘because after the show is over. It’ll just be me and you, all alone…’ her hands inched down to his lower back, pulling him closer, ‘in the… throne room?’_

**_Strike three._ **

_She couldn’t help but tease him with that. She knew the possibility drove him mad._

_Zuko groaned frustratedly, ‘I can’t believe you said that knowing full well I have a meeting right now. How am I supposed to think of anything other than us in the throne room now?’ His hand skimmed over her chin, ‘You’re so rude.’_

_He bent down as his lips grazed against her neck gently, dropping a faint kiss, it’s existence precarious like a dream. She wasn’t even sure if it had happened but it left her wanting more. She closed her eyes, her head reflexively arching into the door, exposing more of her neck for him to explore with his lips. Her hands were all over his back, as the scruff on his jaw tickled her skin._

**_Strike four and five._ **

_Her eyes flew open, this was not ideal. This was so so unideal to what she had imagined this meeting to be like. She couldn’t do this. She couldn’t play with his feelings like this. Not more than she was already going to._

_Pushing him back with a hand on his chest, she met his widened gaze, a little surprised at the suddenness of her change of heart._

_‘Just think about Sozin’s giant poster that hangs on the wall, it should do the trick’ she blurted._

_It did. He rolled his eyes, sighing as she ducked under his arm. He followed her over to the tea table, sitting down across from her. She poured herself a cup, while he politely declined. He wasn’t thirsty for_ **_tea_ ** _._

_An interminable minute passed. It wasn’t awkward, but for some reason, Zuko couldn’t settle on a topic to approach with her, put off after she had quite literally dodged his advances._

_Finally, she spoke._

_‘Speaking of ex-Fire Lords, I really hope you’re not thinking of talking to Ozai or anything.’_

_Suppressing his impulse to jerk his face up to her, he paced his words, ‘I wasn’t. Uh…why did you ask?’_

_She sighed, looking out of the window to the vast greenery of the royal gardens, ‘Just… I know how you think. And it really bothers me.’_

_It apparently bothered her enough to darken the tone of her voice._

_‘Zuko, he’s a convict that doesn’t deserve your time. He won't do a single thing for you unless it somehow benefits him. If…if you really need to speak to him or find out something from him, send someone else’ she stirred her tea with a tad bit more force than was required._

_In the absence of his immediate agreement, she snapped up to look at him, ‘I’m not kidding, I’m serious about this.’_

_He had briefly, very briefly, considered admitting to her that he had been speaking to Ozai. He had to find out about his mother, and there seemed to be no other way, but seeing just how legitimately troubled at the prospect Mai looked, he held his tongue,_ _‘Relax. I don’t need anything from him.’_

_Her spoon stopped tinkling against the china, ‘Do you want me to trust you or go snooping around on my own to confirm?’_

_His face softened at her, ‘Please trust me.’_

_She nodded, deciding she would. She didn’t believe Zuko was foolish enough to torture or more importantly, endanger himself by meeting that madman. Seeing Azula while she was strapped in a straightjacket was one thing, but Ozai didn’t stop being a manipulative bastard even from behind steel bars._

_There was a curt knock on the door, distracting them both from their hefty thoughts._

_‘Just a reminder for your meeting Fire Lord Zuko. The guests have been made comfortable in the West Courtyard.’_

_Zuko sighed, ‘Thank you, I’ll be with them shortly.’_

_With the retreating footsteps of the messenger beyond the door, Mai gathered herself, rising from the chair, ‘Duty calls. I'll see you.’_

_This was good, it gave her a natural exit. The sooner she left, the lesser chances for her to give herself away or cave in._

_She had made it not even past him, before he caught her wrist, stopping her in her tracks, ‘Wait, Mai. I forgot to ask. The healer told me you’d been to visit her this morning. Something about you having trouble breathing?’_

_This is why she should have left minutes ago._

_Mai had told that snitch to keep her mouth shut. She would have gone to any other healer in town had it not been the royal one who was willing to take her at a moment’s notice. She just hoped the news wouldn’t reach him at the lightning speed it had._

_‘What happened?’ Zuko asked again as she failed to respond quickly._

**_Terrifying attacks of extreme panic snatching away my ability to breathe._ ** _‘Just some springtime allergies. Nothing serious.’_

_Before he could cross-question, she quizzed him, ‘Why were you at the healer?’_

**_Sleeping draughts to force myself asleep._ ** _‘Routine health check.’_

_They really were pathetic._

_He gently tugged on her wrist again, ‘So, dinner tonight, right?’_

_She relaxed as the moment passed without her breaking down into a confession, ‘Oh. Sorry I can’t. I have to start packing –_

_She froze._

**_Strike five, six, seven, eight, nine…._ **

_‘Packing?’ he stood up, dropping her wrist._

_‘Uh…yeah. Didn’t I tell you? We’re going to visit my Aunt for the weekend. She’s all by herself so we just thought maybe we should go see her you know? Thought it would distract ma and Tom-Tom from dad and everything’ Mai stepped away as her heartbeat rose to match the speed of the words tumbling from her mouth._

_‘Visiting where?’ Zuko was clearly beginning to notice her odd behaviour. She needed to end this now and leave._

_‘Her hometown.’_

_She was one question away from her muddled brain vomiting everything out. She hadn’t prepared to break up with him directly, least of all right now. Her body was so charged that she didn’t realise her fingers had stealthily reached for her concealed blade, confusing flight with fight._

_But no further questions came. He just stood there, looking gutted and a little lost for words, trying to come up a sentence it seemed._

_‘I…I was hoping we’d get to spend some time together; we barely spoke all week. I wrote you but –’_

_‘I’m sorry it just completely slipped my mind’ she cut in, ‘I’ll drop you a message as soon as I’m free?’ taking a step and a half towards him, she reached up, quickly kissing him on the cheek._

_He nodded at her back as she walked to the door._

_‘Mai’_

_She turned around._

_‘Are you…mad at me for something? Because if yes, then… you can tell me and I’ll…I’ll be sorry’ he finished lamely._

_There was an uncertainty in his voice that punched her in the heart. She walked back, throwing her hands around his neck and hugging him. ‘I’m not mad. I was just caught up with things.’_

_He returned the hug quietly._

_Zuko wasn’t perceptive. Not like Mai was._

_It used to bother her that he didn’t seem to just understand her feelings without her having to detail them out for him verbally, but then she had realised it bothered him too. Over the years he had tried, and gotten considerably good at figuring her out as much as possible through the few and far between clues she dropped, while she tried to overcome her exhaustive brevity for him._

_Their life experiences had carved them differently. Zuko took things at face value. She never did. He was simple. He needed clear verbal assurances from his loved ones and provided the same in return. She liked to keep her thoughts to herself, choosing to mistrust words and relying more on the signs and signals she picked up instead._

_Both still had a significant distance to cover between them but that didn’t mean she wasn’t proud of their progress. She had to be; this was as far as they were going to get together._

_‘Good’ she heard him smile into her shoulder._

_She stepped away, ‘think you’ve made your guests wait long enough.’_

_‘Bye’ he smiled, turning away to face a mirror on the wall, giving his appearance a once over, as she strode back to the door, this time hoping to make it across._

_She exited the room, seconds away from shutting it behind her, when she paused, peeking her head back into the chamber, ‘By the way,’_

_**Never mind the damned strikes now.** _

_Zuko turned slightly, looking back over his shoulder._

_‘Have you ever wondered how awkwardly the throne is sized? A little too large for one person, but cozy enough for two people to…explore each other…’_

_She saw his eyes grow wide as she slammed the door shut before he could spin around. She walked away, but not before she heard the loud exclamation of an expletive that was all too unbecoming of the Fire Lord._

**_This was for Ba Sing Se_** _, she smiled, moving down the hall with, dare she say, a spring in her step. The first time in almost a week that she wasn’t practically dragging her feet to a destination that wasn’t the familiar confines of her room._

_She really would have no one else to blame for the misery she was setting herself up for._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one was a little late. Thank you to everyone that's always eagerly waiting and commenting. Hope those who celebrate it, had a nice Eid.


	13. The Letters

_Dear Mai,_

_I’m sorry that you have to find out this way, but I’m leaving._

_It’s hard to find words that would describe all the things I’ve realised about myself, my family, and my true purpose in this short note, but these realisations have made it such that I cannot stay complicit in the crimes of my Nation._

_By the time you read this letter, I will hopefully be far away from the Capital, but I believe I will be back, very soon, at a time when the war will be coming to an end. I doubt that I will make it out of the war a free man, if I should even make it out alive. I promise that if I do, I’ll come to see you and apologise for being a terrible friend and an even worse boyfriend._

_If you decide to never see me again though, I’ll understand._

_I just want you to know that while almost everything was going horribly wrong in my life, in the few short weeks that I was home, you made it so much brighter. I hope that despite what may seem like a heartless betrayal, you will remember me the way I was in your company – happy and secure._

_I don’t hate you too,_

_Zuko_

* * *

_Dear Zuko,_

_I thought about a hundred different ways to start this letter and I’m picking the one that made me want to shed the least tears._

_Who would have thought that one day I, too, would be writing you a break-up letter? Definitely not you._

_The lack of my courage to do this face to face should not elicit surprise since the whole premise of this letter is that I am, once again, running away from an unsatisfactory life._

_I realise now that a funny opening was not in order. This might be the most unfunny thing I have done in my life (and I almost tried to fight a lightning wielder once)._

_Instead of sticking around to do the fixing, I have left the Capital and moved away with my family._

_I wasn’t as happy as I know I can be, in the Capital. There is so much more I want to do, that I want to learn, so much more to see beyond the borders, so many responsibilities of my family I need to shoulder after dad left. I could never do all that I want, as long as I stay in the Capital with you, under the strangling pressure of marriage from my parents, stronger than ever after their separation._

_It may seem extreme to you, but this was the only way. You know my dreams, and you know that they wouldn’t really be possible if I stuck around._

_I thought long and hard about this decision and realised that the toughest way was the right way. You deserve to have someone that is their own person, you deserve to have a wife that is sorted in her head and ready to take on the responsibilities of the Nation, you deserve to have someone who will love and protect you more than I feel like I can right now. Even Tom-Tom and ma deserve a better home and once I’ve settled them, I’ll leave the Fire Nation too._

_I have a feeling the freedom and anonymity of Ba Sing Se are what I need to get my life back on track._

_It has been punishingly exhausting to make such major life decisions without the support of my best friend; I’m sorry I kept this from you. I had to._

_Zuko, please know, without a doubt, that my feelings of inadequacy have very little to do with you. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me and our memories together will be the little light I carry around with me wherever I go. I will think of us often, and fondly._

_The space on this scroll is running out and I haven’t even told you all the things I want you to remember. I want you to remember that you’re an amazing Fire Lord. You are not your father. You are what the people need. You are also an incredible boyfriend and any girl would be lucky to have you. You have the prettiest eyes and they twinkle when you smile. Do that more. You are a good son and a good brother. Yes, your jokes are funny and yes, you should talk to Azula, you’re the only one that can help her._

_Your tea though is always very bland._

_Tom-Tom and I will miss you. Though I think my mother will miss you the most._

_Take care of yourself. Sleep. And Eat. And don’t bottle up, talk to Ty Lee._

_And please, please don’t hate me,_

_Your Mai_

_p.s. I’m sorry I criticised your horrible handwriting in your goodbye note, I realise now how difficult it is to write through tears._

The pale sheet was seconds from ripping down the middle under the fierce grip of Mai’s fingers; her eyes scanning the words again and again. That morning she hadn’t just written this note, she had poured her heart out on it. And then just like that, in light of her conversation with Suki, her words had been reduced to meaningless strokes strung together. The letter that had felt so heavy in her hands as she’d marked it with his name, was now only a paper-thin mockery of her feelings.

Her hand shook with rage as she crushed the sheet in her palm, tossing it into the fireplace beside her. The flames roared, engulfing her tender words.

She pulled her hands to herself immediately, crossing them across her chest as she felt her wrath itching to be manifested physically.

Puncturing holes into her furniture would cause her nothing but trouble. She squeezed her eyes shut, feeling the hot tears pool around her lashes. 

And to think she had felt like the worst human being on Earth breaking-up with him like this, while he had been blatantly lying to her face.

All week she had fought the urge to just give up and stay, gleaning strength at every moment to be able to pull through her plan. So, her considerate boyfriend had generously stepped up to the plate, giving her a solid reason to leave.

She looked up at the ceiling, hands still tightly wrapped up in one another. How could she just let him make a fool of her like this?

Her face grew red, whether from the anger or the embarrassment of feeling played, _yet again,_ she couldn’t tell.

Taking a deep breath in, hands stiff by her side, she stormed out of her room resolutely, throwing on her cloak on her way out.

He was blind to not appreciate having her in his life, having someone who cared about him the way she did, having someone who wasn’t with him for ulterior motives, who saw beyond his words and into his heart. Truth be told, appreciation might have been a step too far, given that he had gone out of his way on multiple occasions to remind her how little she mattered.

His fucking loss.

Once before he had cruelly cast her aside, in favour of his _true purpose_. Even then she had shown him that her allegiance lay with him, only to be valued no more than that note, written in his stupid illegible handwriting.

She could never forget that sinking feeling of betrayal, blinking back her tears as she sat on the edge of her bed, confused what else he had been with her other than “happy”, the rest of the sentence trailing into an unrecognisable squiggle.

She could never forget how remorseful he had seemed, not for deserting her, but for ever getting involved with her while he had locked her behind in Boiling Rock.

For the past year, he had been keeping more and more things from her. He would disappear for days, leaving her to figure out where he was off to on her own. Then he would show up and act as though nothing was amiss. She never overstepped her boundaries with him, all she wanted to was to feel included in his life, to feel like she mattered beyond just being the subject of his affection.

With him she had finally felt like more than a passive bystander, more than a mannequin expected to sit tight and smile, only to be shown that her feelings, concerns, and opinions did in fact not mean as much as she had been led to believe.

Seething, she strode into the Palace, picking up a trail of guards that demanded she state her purpose of visit, as was mandatory. Mai refused to speak a single word, as the number of men following her increased at each turn, tagging helplessly knowing they couldn’t lay a single hostile finger on her.

She barged through the throne room, ignoring Ty Lee’s cheerful greeting.

Zuko stood by his throne, surprised at the view that revealed beyond the flames he had just extinguished. A flurry of his stumped men tumbled through the entrance trying to keep up with Mai, whose indignant strides didn’t stop until they reached the end of the aisle, in front of him.

‘Mai?’ he asked, confused as she stood stiffly, not even looking up to meet his gaze. 

‘Leave us alone’ she glowered at the guards over her shoulder.

They stared blankly up at Zuko, torn between their duty to protect the Fire Lord and knowing they may not live to see another day if they intercepted his girlfriend.

‘I said _leave_ ’ she fumed; her tone uncharacteristically incensed.

Zuko motioned with his head, leaving his men scampering out of the throne room shutting the heavy metal doors behind them, obstructing Ty Lee and Suki’s curious gazes.

‘What is –

‘You’ve been secretly meeting with Ozai’ Mai spoke plainly, their gaze still adamantly unmet. 

He froze, suddenly wishing he could disappear behind a wall of flames. ‘Who did you hear that from?’

‘Does it matter? Not from you.’ 

He desperately floundered for words, knowing this might be one too many times that he had broken her trust, ‘I know I keep screwing up. But, please, I… I love you, Mai.’

‘It’s not enough!’ she looked up finally, her stoic composure unmatched in her tumultuous eyes.

Zuko stood rooted to the ground, caught red-handed in a crime he knew he shouldn’t have committed from the start. He had indulged in the ease of stealth too long, knowing he was wrong to lie to her. He had been wrong so many times now that even his apologies felt like lies. 

‘I want you to trust me.’ her speech was clear, carried with trained confidence. It was in her pauses that she struggled to practice poise. ‘I want you to believe in me. I want you to include me. I want you to _want_ to tell me your problems. I want you to not lie to me!’

‘Spirits! Mai, I _do_ trust you. I believe in you. I just don’t want –

She could allow him no more excuses. There was no reason for her to listen to anything he was saying.

‘What do those words mean if your actions don’t reflect them?’ she questioned, unwilling to hold herself back today. ‘You disappear for days, no consideration for what I’m going through worried sick about where you might be. You develop full-blown insomnia and not once do you think of it as something I should know. You find out one of your closest guards is working for the Resistance, and I find out through whispers around town. You sip tea with Ozai multiple times while you tell me you’d never even think of meeting the man.’

Her chest was heaving from keeping her voice even, as she raised an accusatory finger up at him, ‘In fact, you took advantage of my trust to ask me to back off!’

‘That’s enough Mai.’ Zuko raised his palm. Yes, he had wronged her, but his intention had never been impure. She looked at him, still breathing hard.

His eyes softened as dropped his hands, ‘You know it’s not like that. I was only protecting you -

‘But it is like that!’ she couldn’t help but whine. How could he not see how much he’d hurt her?

‘I just ….’ She faltered, turning away to face the pillar beside him, pursing her lips together. She felt so small, so humiliated, like a discarded doll wishing her owner would glance her way again. ‘Why do you keep me around? If you can’t trust me and if my personal safety is such a burden for you, tell me why I’m here?’

‘Because I love you.’ It was the truth. A truth he hoped he didn’t have to defend.

‘I know you do. But lately, I've realised you love your secrets far more. Perhaps it’ll be easier for you to keep them when you're alone, without me to keep stumbling upon the truth.’ Her voice was inscrutable again, carrying over an unsettling coldness to him.

‘…what are you telling me?’ he spoke quietly, not sure that he wanted to find out. His eyes were fixated on her, as she turned to look at him, one final time, before bowing.

‘Goodbye, Fire Lord.’

He panicked as she withdrew a step, turning around. He should have been halfway down the steps, on his way to her, but he wasn’t.

‘Mai stop it, come back! Mai!’ His legs stayed frozen.

He couldn’t believe she had broken up with him. She hadn't just said that she would, which itself might have rendered him motionless in shock, but she _had_. His mouth opened and shut stupidly at her retreating back, lost for words.

What did one say when their love was leaving them for good? What did one say when their mangled heart was trailing away from them? What did a Fire Lord say when his partner was leaving him?

‘I... I order you to come back!’

‘Argh!’ he thumped his closed fist against his head. It might have been far better for him to not say anything at all.

His ridiculous words had fallen on deaf ears as Mai, her steps not faltering once, exited the throne room and his life. 


	14. Fire and Blade (part 1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I took my time with this for obvious reasons. Please enjoy.

The ambush had been a success. For the most part. Kiyi, Tom-Tom, and the other children had all been recovered safely with zero casualties on either side. All arrests had been made successfully as well.

All except for Azula. She had gotten away.

Despite her announcement that her new life purpose was to turn Zuko into their father, a fear that crippled him daily, it had been nice to see Azula doing…slightly better. He was overcome with selfish relief at her improved mental stability, for he didn’t think he could stuff her back in an institution after her arrest. But then, when Azula had disappeared in a flash from in front of him, he had rather quickly given up her pursuit though he doubted she had gotten very far. The disappearing act was all smoke and shadows, she was just fast.

It would be easier to just accept Azula as a constant source of distress in his life. A ceaseless mission, that he couldn’t give up on. Aang had looked at him suspiciously when he had informed them that Azula had overpowered him and gotten away, but had thankfully refrained from questioning him further.

Among the swarm of bustling activity that followed the ambush, there had been some instant gratification in watching Mai grab Tom-Tom and hug him to death. In his own hands, Kiyi had been squirming to go and play with all the new friends she had made, forcing Zuko to set her down after he had refused to let her out of reaching distance.

As they stood, watching the members of the Safe Nation and militarised youth being detained, Ukano had been dragged by as well. Mai and Tom-Tom had walked up to him, exchanging what he would expect to be difficult words on both sides. Zuko had stepped away, not wanting to taint their somewhat final moments together, at least outside of a highly manned detainment facility.

When Mai had returned to his side, she had quietly told him Ukano had requested to speak with him alone, all the while staring straight ahead of her.

Zuko had walked up to the man, standing shamefaced and cuffed.

He spoke slowly, ‘Fire Lord Zuko, I know I do not deserve to stand in your presence but I request that you take my words not as those of a traitor but as those of a father. I do not know the place your relationship with my daughter is in, but I do know that she trusts you. I only request that you continue to take care of her as you have all these years. My daughter is a strong woman, but she needs help, especially with her good-for-nothing father locked away for life.’

For the first time Zuko had turned to look Ukano in the eyes, who immediately averted his gaze. ‘It’s a shame Ukano. You were a good man who did everything for his family, yet your allegiance to oppression took you down this dark path. The Nation would have done well with your wisdom in the royal court. However, there is no use fanning flames of dead embers.’

He followed Ukano’s line of vision that was trained at his children standing on the other side, ‘Your family will be protected and served in my kingdom because they stood up to one of their own, they stood up for what was right. I suggest you use all the free time you will find at your hands to reflect on what went so wrong that you had to leave such a beautiful family behind.’

When he went back to Mai, she didn’t ask him what they had spoken about. She had sent Tom-Tom away with Ty Lee, not wanting him to watch their father be escorted by guards into a security caravan reserved for criminals of the state.

Zuko wasn’t sure what was going through his own mind, let alone hers, when he reached out, wrapping his fingers over her limp hand. Not withdrawing like he’d half-expected, she twisted her fingers, clutching onto him.

Then, as if on cue to bulldoze his one happy moment, Zuko recognised Kei Lo being trailed in the line-up of local youths being detained for unlawful activities. Mai did too.

‘Zuko, that has to be a mistake, Kei Lo helped us!’

Discarding thoughts of the sadistic pleasure that throwing Kei Lo in jail would bring him, he commanded his guards to free the man. Not only had there been no thank-yous on his end, he had stared daggers at them both until they were physically out of his view. Zuko had stared right back, eyes narrowed in disgust, emboldened by the fact that Mai still hadn’t withdrawn her hand even when she had seen Kei Lo and was presently facing away from him. No words were exchanged between the two at any point. Zuko couldn’t help the leaps and bounds his mind had taken to the conclusion that they were clearly no longer together. The idea that her hand in his might be an indicator for the reason of them parting ways was almost too much of a good thing in his ridiculously lousy life.

That afternoon, a massive crowd had gathered to hear his address at the town center. He had seen the local scribes frantically take notes, eyebrows almost flying off their faces as they witnessed an unprecedented event. The Fire Lord had just apologised.

He apologised for endangering the citizens and neglecting their needs. The crowd had been stunned as well, not knowing how to react to his admittance of poor governance. He had reassured them that the arrested culprits would be brought to justice and that _those_ on the run would be captured soon. He had ended his speech quickly, resolving to be a better Fire Lord, one that was worthy of his people’s trust and love. 

He had hurried off the platform, not waiting to see how his speech was received but the thundering applause and cheering that followed had offered some relief. Mai had been waiting for him, smiling as she wiped the small beads of sweat on his forehead on the back of her sleeve, ‘This time I really thought you might return headless. Well done.’

Zuko still had a long way to go with governance and he was nowhere close to finding the right balance but having his close friends by his side, knowing very little of what had gone right would be possible without them, helped immensely. Besides, the fact that the Avatar himself had personally helped rescue the children, meant the confidence of the people had been restored in him all the sooner.

For now, he could guiltlessly return to matters of the heart.

He thought of Mai who was waiting up for him in her chamber. And he thought of the feather-light package he had received during dinner, feeling oddly-weighty on the inside of his robe.

He walked up the stairs of the grand guest house where him and the rest of team were stationed for the night before they parted ways the following morning. The council had taken good care of Zuko and his friends and he was glad that they could bask in some Fire Nation hospitality before they left. He had seen at least Toph lounging in the heated pool for the majority of the day, feasting on tropical fruits salads and doing not much else.

Zuko hoped he wouldn’t walk into Suki or Ty Lee as he padded down the passage, not sure he could explain why he was on his way to Mai’s room. He himself understood very little of where they stood, after everything that had… _transpired_ in the last twenty-four hours. He didn’t know how she felt about him or whether her feelings for him mattered at all when it came to what she was going to do.

He just wished this animosity between them would magically vanish. If only for this one last time Mai pretended everything was okay between them, even if she left him again tomorrow, he would be okay with that.

Millennia of wisdom and yet the Lionturtles hadn’t found a way to bend human emotions?

He sighed, stopping to take a look at himself in a reflective window on the side of the corridor. It was miraculous what just a simple shave could do for a weathered man.

Earlier that day, having rested and bathed _(and shaved)_ and changed into fresher clothes, they had walked in the private garden together, discussing updates from the Capital and Mai’s unfortunate time as a shopkeeper. Her unrestricted laugh as they roamed away from prying eyes had been nothing short of a soothing balm on his strained soul, especially after the way she had been last night. Their hands were not granted the same privileges as their smiles, his restricted behind him, hers disappearing under her sleeves.

Taking advantage of the light atmosphere and her forthcoming tone, he had asked her if she would like to meet Kiyi.

‘I’d love to’ her sincere words had erased his doubts that he might have overstepped himself.

He had taken her along when he went to see his little sister before her bedtime. Sweet Kiyi had this instant brightening effect on everyone that met her. Mai felt it too when she pointed at her freshly washed and evened hair, whispering excitedly, and rather loudly, in Zuko’s ear.

‘We have almost the same hair!’

‘You should tell her if you like it’ he had whispered back.

‘I like your hair’ Kiyi had announced, emboldened by the approval of her big brother.

Mai had smiled back warmly.

‘Thank you, Kiyi. Yours is beautiful as well.’

The tired child had thanked her beamingly, kissing Zuko on the cheek before plopping down in bed and drifting off to her first comfortable sleep in days.

Children had this magical ability of accepting everyone with their whole heart. They didn’t know any other way. It was a phenomenon he had only recently experienced with Tom-Tom and Kiyi. As Tom-Tom grew older, he couldn’t help but look up to Zuko, his approval of his toys and clothes had turned more important than even Mai’s. That was not something Zuko had ever been used to, he didn’t think there was anything worth looking up to in him.

Then he had felt it with Kiyi. The child didn’t care about his past, or his present, the fact that he had been banished, or the fact he was now king. She didn’t ask him where his parents were or cower from his scar. Instead she had instantly led him to her collection of dolls, trusting his fire throwing hands around the most precious things in her life. He didn’t know love and acceptance existed in this form, so readily and without judgement.

So, as he pulled up the blanket around the sleeping child, Zuko had wondered if his negligence had almost robbed her of her innocence. Him and Azula were never given that courtesy and by bringing ‘his family’ back to the Capital he had almost subjected Kiyi to the same fate. Perhaps it was for the best that he gave up his quest for something, it seemed he was not capable of handling.

He couldn’t even tell when his mind had involuntarily drifted to thoughts of his other sister. Who knew where she was at the moment?

Of course, Mai had sensed his brooding.

He felt her cooling fingers as she reached sideways for his face, gently laying her head on his shoulder, ‘It’s not your fault. Kiyi is safe now because of you.’ 

He reached up, holding on to her elbow by his neck, feeling like it was okay for him to put aside the Fire Lord act, and be weak for just a moment, ‘I put you all in danger because I couldn’t control Azula. And I feel so horribly selfish that I still want her to be okay.’

He didn’t think anyone understood the compassion he felt for Azula. Compassion was may be too strong a word. It was whatever that exists in the vacuum of hate. He just didn’t know how to hate her. On the short short list of people who were willing to look past Azula’s crimes, Mai might have ranked the lowest. Azula had caused her enough trauma to last her a lifetime. And yet, she at least pretended to understand his helplessness for his sake.

He felt her nod once on his shoulder, ‘She will be.’

She lifted her head as he turned to look at her. In the dimmed light of the room, their gazes had met, as intensely as they did in his dreams. There it was, that telepathic spark again. He knew then she wouldn’t back away if he kissed her, and so he had.

There was a celebratory burst of colours on the inside of his closed eyelids when he had felt her lips readily join his. If he didn’t know better, he might have jerked himself out of this waking dream from too many sleepless nights. But it couldn’t be a dream, the movement of her lips against his was so uniquely hers, her breathing so real, so exciting. Her hands had shifted from his shoulders to curl around his neck as she leaned into him. The fact that he was kissing her, _kissing Mai_ , after he thought she had drifted away beyond return, had him so riled that he felt his next breath out, would be pure fire. Before he could gather his wits that had turned to mush almost at the intimacy of her, there had been a knock on the door making them both jump and bump their foreheads hard against each other.

Mai hissed as he whispered his ‘sorry’s, hopping over to the door and pulling it open to greet Aang who’d come looking for him after he had been promised a game of Pai Sho before dinner. As Mai excused herself, slipping through the gap in the doorway between them, rubbing her forehead and fixing her mussed hair, Aang had grinned idiotically at a blushing Zuko and hadn’t stopped all through their game.

He had held his silence until he could use his words in a dirty tactic to distract Zuko from his winning move, coyly asking, ‘In the kids’ room? Come on!’

‘Shut up’ Zuko had gritted, flustered enough to leave his Lotus tile vulnerable. 

Dinner had (narrowly) slipped down to being the second-best part of his day. A large spread of fruits, meats, fish, soups, rice, and desserts had been served to them in quick succession and copious amounts. Every last one of them had eaten to their hearts’ content and then some.

Before he had gotten up to go on a walk with General Mak and take stock of the situation so far, Mai had pressed his hand, leaning up to whisper that she would wait up for him in her chamber.

Now standing outside the door to her room, Zuko knew what he wanted, but wasn’t sure if she wanted the same.

Deciding he didn’t want to deliberate any more on this subject alone, he pushed the door and walked in. The dullness of the room was soft on the eyes, most of it lit up from the flashy signs of the street shops throwing their light in through the open window. Mai was seated on the edge of her bed, dangling a banana distastefully over the fruit basket that unfortunately only held bananas at the moment.

‘Not sure why you haven’t outlawed these yet’ she said tossing the offending fruit back into the basket, not quite turning to look at him.

Zuko shook his head, smiling as he took off his heavy outer robes, hanging them on the hook by the door. ‘It’s on my list.’

Summer was officially around the corner if the nights were getting sultry.

He walked over and climbed onto the bed, sitting down on his haunches, facing her. The softness of the mattress underneath his folded legs unleashed a dam over his head. Days of fatigue came crashing down on him spilling over his shoulders, as he rubbed his eyes with the base of his palm. He heard the rustling of the sheets as Mai stepped over to him on her knees, hugging him wordlessly.

Only Zuko knew how bad he had wanted to just be held by her, her nails gently scratching his scalp like they were now. He wrapped his arms around her waist, melting into her hug, his burnt ear pressed to her chest where he could feel, more than hear, her heartbeat. After a few moments of silence rhythmically punctuated with her pulse, he shifted, taking support of the headboard to prop himself up, bringing her with him. He leaned back, Mai’s head on his chest, one hand on her shoulder, the other in her clean soft hair. Every time he pulled his finger through, habit would have him run them a little farther down her back fumbling at the strangeness of losing her hair so quickly. 

They held each other that way for many minutes. Satisfied with the quiet, except for the low hum of the dwindling crowd in the streets and the dimming light from the open window by the bed, as shops began shutting down for the night.

‘You’re doing okay?’ she asked, fingers circling the emblem on his chest.

Sighing, he responded, ‘I don’t know, are you?’ 

‘I’ve been better’ she admitted.

‘What did …Azula say to you? When you were fighting her…’ he asked cautiously.

Mai drew in a breath, ‘Oh you know, complimented my new haircut and expressed her disgust at me still being alive and then told me to watch helplessly as I lost my family for someone who didn’t even have their own. Just girlfriends catching up.’

He protectively held her elbow, pressing her shoulder closer into him. The undercurrent of heaviness in her mocking tone was not lost on him, ‘I’m sorry she’s out there again. I’m always helpless with her.’

She occupied herself with the loose threads on his chest, not deeming a response necessary. He didn’t push for one either, as they fell into a comfortable silence again.

Zuko was preoccupied too, trying to think of words to broach the topic he really wanted.

‘The matter of your family’s safety is now a concern of the state. We will protect the three of you for as long as you will allow us to.’ He swallowed, ‘But…special security will be best provided in the Capital. Your old house will be perfect should you, Michi and Tom-Tom decide to return.’

Mai nodded. Zuko wasn’t sure what that response meant but it seemed his State-Sponsored-Security angle to approach the issue had failed. Before he could convince himself to just confess his undying love in the form of poetry, perhaps end with a flourish of Fire Bending display, followed immediately by him diving out of the window in embarrassment, Mai shifted.

Her hair protested her departure from his chest with strands that stuck to his clothes with static. She pushed against him sitting upright, ‘I have to say a few things but you have to listen completely before speaking. You can’t cut in.’ Her gaze was atypically shifty, not quite settling on him for too long.

He pursed his lips, nodding sincerely.

‘First,’ she took a deep breath in, launching into her list of ‘few things’, ‘I have this… _ugh_ , it’s hard to explain.’ It seemed she had already hit a roadblock. There was some comfort to be found in the idea that he wasn’t the only one tongue-tied at the moment.

She continued, ‘I’m not ill _per se_ but sometimes I’ll descendent into these fits…where I’m really upset and freaking out and finding it hard to breathe.’ Her hand shot up defensively, ‘I know it sounds like I’m just hyperventilating like a child throwing a tantrum but it’s not like that. I don’t want to do it. I don’t even know what really triggers it. It’s nothing life-threatening, though it does feel like it. There are things I can do to make it more bearable. Sometimes I can feel it coming so I find a way to distract myself and it works, kind of….’ She trailed off before picking up her thoughts again, ‘It’s also why I saw the Royal Healer the last few times. I never told you, because well…I thought I was going insane.’

She finished with an exhale dropping her hands in her lap twiddling her fingers anxiously. Zuko guessed he had seen a glimpse of these fits that she spoke of, last night.

Despite what she had said earlier, the pause she took staring intently into her lap, nudged him to shoulder the burden of speech that was a tad bit too much for her to carry alone. He spoke. 

‘Is it scary?’

‘Very’

‘Will it go away?’

‘I don’t know; probably not.’

He reached into her lap, breaking up her fingers that were attacking the skin around her nails with his own. He could tell she didn’t enjoy talking about it, so he didn’t push. There would be a different time for this. He waited patiently, giving her the space, she needed to get her thoughts across, stroking the length of her thumb with his own.

‘Second’ she looked up at him, ‘I can’t come back to the Capital just yet.’

He wished that the breaking of one’s heart was as audible an event as it felt like it should be, at least then he wouldn’t have to suffer it alone.

‘Zuko one of the main reasons I left was because I wanted to do my own thing, look after my family, and now with dad gone for good I –

‘You don’t have to look after them, _I’ll_ make sure they are never in want of anything –

‘No Zuko, I _want_ to’ she pressed his hand in hers.

He closed his eyes, relaxing his shoulders that had tensed up at her announcement, with a deep breath.

‘I understand’ he understood. Mai was an ambitious woman and she had every right to be, it was a quality that was among the things he loved about her. Her life was hers to dictate and if she felt stifled in the Capital, he couldn’t tell her that she didn’t, no matter how much he wished for it to not be the case.

‘If I am to have meaningful relationships with anybody, I need to figure out my own purpose and do something worthwhile with my talents. And I think I’ve found just the thing.’ She peeked at him almost sheepishly through her lashes, ‘The Earth King’s office wrote to me. They want me to join a committee headed by the Grand Secretariat. The committee will be tasked with proposing an economic plan over a six-month period, to utilise the royal budget in the best possible way for the development of the lower and middle rungs of Ba Sing Se.’

His eyes shone as he smiled at her, ‘Wha– Mai, that’s amazing!’ he leaned forward kissing the top of her head. Her eyes had gotten slightly wide in surprise at his reaction, corners of her mouth turning upward.

Then the idea _fully_ sunk in, ‘Oh. You will be moving to Ba Sing Se.’

‘I would have to’ she responded, then quickly added, ‘but I want to do this Zuko –’

He raised his hand, not wanting her to think she had to explain her choices, ‘I know. And I won’t try to convince you otherwise. Spirits know the Earth King could do well with your wisdom.’

Mai couldn’t hold back the toothy grin spreading across her face, crashing into Zuko as she hugged him tightly, ‘I’ll drown you in letters.’

He raised an eyebrow, ‘No need. We’ll complicate our relations with Ba Sing Se so that I have to make weekly trips to deescalate matters.’

She rolled her eyes, still with the stupidly large smile that felt almost odd on her face after so long. She couldn’t help brush her cheek against him, savouring the feel of the fuzzy fabric of his clothes on her skin. A feeling she’d yearned her velvet pillows would lend her on especially hard days since she had fled the capital.

‘Third. You might have noticed…Kei Lo and I are no longer together.’

The best for the last. Zuko didn’t think it would be appropriate for him to yell for joy, so he settled for a dignified clearing of his throat. The most joyful clearing his throat would ever receive. 

‘I got with him so I could keep an eye on dad and the Society, but Ty Lee made me realise I was using the poor guy. He really did like me.’

‘Hm’ Zuko shrugged, she couldn’t expect him to sympathise on this, ‘Saving your country is worth it, I think.’

‘I just feel horrible for leading him on like that. I was leading me on too.’

‘Yeah cause you were trying to replace this,’ he pointed grandly at himself, ‘with _that’_ he replied only half-joking.

‘I wasn’t trying to replace.’ She was glad to be resting on his chest, not sure she could’ve maintained eye contact with him at the moment. It was true that she hadn’t tried to replace him, she knew that was near impossible. But for a brief period of time, she had begun depending on Kei Lo for emotional stability, looking in him for what she had lost with Zuko.

‘It felt like it though’ he responded. Just because feeling like he wasn’t _enough_ for someone wasn’t new to him, didn’t mean it hurt any less each time he was reminded of it.

‘I’m so sorry’ her voice was small.

He exhaled, ‘No. No – I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I treated you the way I did Mai. I know you deserved to know the truth and I hate that I lied to you I just never did anything to hurt you or make you think that you weren’t important. I’m just…not very good at this stuff.’

‘Apology accepted. We’re both not very good’ she chuckled sadly. ‘I was going to leave quietly, with a letter. You know the goodbye, good luck kind? And then I just got so angry about you lying that I stormed in and broke things off in that awful way. I’m just saying it wasn’t a spur of the moment kind of thing.’

‘Mhm’ He nodded, chin against the top of her head, running his hands up her back, guarding her against the breeze spilling in from the window beside. ‘I didn’t realise it until much later but I think I know the moment I knew you were my soulmate.’

‘When?’ she asked.

‘When I came down from the bridge after the ancient dragons showed us their wisdom of Fire Bending. It was so beautiful and I didn’t think words existed for me to be able to express what I’d seen. So, I imagined myself sitting across from you, trying to think of what I would say to you when we met. And then it hit me that you probably wouldn’t want anything to do with me. And that whole time I had been so preoccupied with helping the Avatar and dealing with the idea that I was part of the resistance trying to kill my own father that I managed to avoid having to think about leaving you behind. It came to me then what an idiot I was, thinking I could go about my life without you in it. I decided the next time I saw you; I would do everything to win you back.’

Mai smiled into his chest, touched that she had been on his mind during one of the most sacred moments of his life. But she also wasn’t one to let go easily. ‘Oh, I remember when that happened and you tried to win me back. At the jail?’

He couldn’t help the exasperated sigh that escaped him, shaking his head in response, he really wasn’t sure he deserved her. ‘I’m the worst right?’

Mai snuggled closer, ‘You’re pretty bad, yes.’

She spoke again, her tone lifted as a thought came to her, ‘Sorry to bring up Azula again, but after you left to join team Avatar, she told me this. I guess it was her twisted way of trying to make me feel better? She said we would have never worked out anyway, because we’re both too similar.’

‘Why did you pay any attention to what –

Ignoring him she raised her hand to his view above her head, counting on her fingers, ‘We’re both broody. Both like to keep to ourselves. Both have poor parental figures. Both come from broken homes and complicated sibling relationships. Both once hunted the Avatar.’

Zuko snorted as she kept going, fingers still keeping track, ‘No, no, no, look – now we’ve both had a sibling kidnapped by Azula. Both absolutely terrible at communicating. Both struggling to make correct life decisions. And at first, you were the only one that had lived a peasant life working at a shop but then I ran off and joined my aunt’s flower shop too. It’s madness!’ Mai concluded throwing up her hands.

Zuko laughed, he had never looked at it that way, but he guessed she was right, ‘But you forgot the most mind-blowing one’ he reached for her hand pushing down a finger, ‘Both incredibly in love…with _each other_!’

‘Ridiculous!’ she mocked, descending into peals of laughter with him.

He felt her shoulders that were trembling with laughter seconds ago, slowly going limp under his hands as their laughs died down. Feeling confident, Zuko brought up a palm with a small flame up to his chest, wanting to see her better. Only the streetlamps now stood undeterred in the night outside, their small light barely making it through the window of their room.

She lifted herself off him, facing him in anticipation of his speech.

‘Great so uhm, you’re filling that girlfriend position back up, right?’ he asked flippantly, ‘because all these girls have applied and I’ll have to go through all of their biodatas and you know how I busy I am.’

She nodded earnestly, playing along.

‘And that Yung Sing has sent innumerable invites for tea. I’d rather not deal with all that hassle at the moment…’

She sat straight, holding her hands in a kowtow salute, ‘I am honoured, Fire Lord Zuko that you have deemed me worthy of the position of your girlfriend, but’ then dropping all pretence, she leaned forward, placing her pointy finger under Zuko’s chin, ‘Think about it, you can never keep secrets again’ she warned. 

It really was unfair how this girl could shatter his heart one minute and then have it bursting at the seams with love, the very next.

‘I don’t want them anymore’ he shook his head, ‘I promise to share everything. I mean it. But I want you to promise too. I want you to promise to not hold back from me. Your happiness, sadness, anger, pain, insecurities, doubts …I want it all.’

‘Okay’ sincerity flashed across her eyes as she reached up to brush her thumb along his jaw affectionately.

‘And I want you to promise that you’re going to take care of yourself. And never ever hide if you’re going through something. Even insanity.’

‘I promise’ she smiled, ‘You know when was my moment that I realised you were my soulmate?

‘When?’ he asked.

‘Right now. I saw that banana over there from the corner of my eye and realised you might be the only person in the world I would actually eat a banana for.’

He snickered. He really had chosen this girl from the whole wide world and he was so lucky she had chosen him back, ‘Yeah, I love you too.’

He looped his arms around her waist pulling her close as she leaned up to kiss him. He tilted his head bringing his lips down with purpose onto Mai’s. Their movements were urgent, far more demanding than their tentative intimacy from earlier. Arms tightly wound around each other, staking their claim once again on one another, making up for all the months they had spent apart. The feeling of his heated fingers cupping the back of neck possessively as his lips ravaged hers, was overwhelming in the best way. She felt shockwaves emerge from every point of contact between them, travelling through her body, all the way to the tip of her toes. She felt like a wilted flower drawing up intoxicating life from his warm, soft lips. No one in the world could kiss her to life. Except for Zuko.

He shuddered slightly as her fingers roamed his sides. She couldn’t help drag them lightly over his sides again, where she knew he was ticklish, earning a faint titter from him that he felt against her mouth. She smiled, lips resting gently over his.

‘I’m so glad you’re here’ she said quietly, and if their face hadn’t been up against each other he might have never heard it.

‘I’ll stay forever if you’ll have me’ he responded.

She moved back at his words, looking at him earnestly. He reached into the pocket of his inner robes, stopping to clarify before Mai’s imagination ran amok, ‘It’s not an engagement bracelet.’

Then, he pulled out what looked like a silk ribbon. She watched, confused, as he unravelled the thick piece of ribbon, holding it in his hand for her to see. His other hand shedding firelight on it. The top of it boasted some of the most brilliant craftsmanship of embroidery Mai had ever seen. A heart-wrenchingly intricate rendition of the Dancing Dragon graced the red silk band in shiny black thread. She had never seen anything like it. The Dancing Dragon was often so detailed it couldn’t be recreated sufficiently on a small surface and yet on this ribbon, it almost came to life. Zuko flipped it over so that Mai could now see the underside of the red ribbon that was inscribed with the characters of both their names in dark crimson. Mai & Zuko.

‘This one’s just for us. My proposal to you. We’ll keep this between us until you come and tell me you’re ready to be my wife and the Fire lady.’ Zuko placed the ribbon in her palm. He didn’t want to put it on her and make her feel locked or pressured in any way. This was hers to do with as she wished. She could keep it, return it, or trash it. When he asked for it to be inscribed that morning, he didn’t think he would be giving it to her at all. Now, handing it to her, he didn’t want to push for something that might just be his imagination, never having been one to perceive unsaid emotions correctly.

He folded her fingers, closing her palm around the ribbon, ‘Until then I want you to keep this to remember me by, for when you’re being Ms. Important all the way in Ba Sing Se.’

Speechless, Mai held up the ribbon to her nose, it smelled musky, like Zuko, from being so close to him. She didn’t speak, looking down at the ribbon in her hand close to her chest now, trying her best to not burst into tears and ruin an absolutely wonderful moment. She failed somewhat, as a single tear dropped forth from the tip of her lashes, darkening a spot on the ribbon. She sniffled as she handed the ribbon back to Zuko, putting out her wrist for him to tie it on.

He smiled, for the first time overjoyed at her lack of words. She wiped her tears with her spare hand as he wrapped the ribbon twice around her slender wrist, ‘I hope you’re taking notes for that play’ she chuckled softly.

He chortled, ‘The-King-Who-Tortures-His-Girlfriend-With-His-Undying-Love-For-Her?’

‘Almost’ she playfully rolled her teary eyes, throwing her hands around his neck, pushing him back against the headboard with the force of her embrace. With his arms around her and her face nestled into his shoulder, she released a sigh, one that had been caught in her chest from the day she had said goodbye to him in the throne room. He was hers again and everything was going to be okay. 

Sometime that night, vaguely aware of his hand resting on Mai’s stomach, his face buried in the Jasmine of her hair, her body perfectly curved into the contours of his, Zuko’s mind floated to groggy thoughts of being thankful for the open window that let in the cooling breeze from outside, before he drifted into a dreamless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How did you guys like this? (There is still another final chapter incoming.) 
> 
> Oh also, what do you guys think about the atla creators dropping from the Netflix project? Good? Bad? 
> 
> I'm kinda not into it. Netflix ruins things.


	15. Fire and Blade (part 2)

_Mai had tried to exit her chamber four times that evening, nervously running back from the door each time to take a ‘final look’ in the mirror at herself. Her father’s booming voice asking her to ‘kindly delay them no further’ had given her the push to exit on her fifth attempt._

_Despite her less than enthusiastic approval, her mother had forced her into a plain silver satin gown that was the opposite of what Mai had picked out on her own. Michi had discarded her selection of a black full-sleeved halter dress with her tuts of displeasure and pushed the shimmery gown over her head._

_It wasn’t that it was a bad outfit, Mai just didn’t think she could carry it at all._

_His coronation party tonight, would be the first time she and Zuko were going to really be “together” as a couple after he had returned from the war, minor detail to be noted, as the **Fire Lord**. The Avatar and all the heroes of the war were going to be at this celebration as well. A celebration in the Capital that for the first time in over a hundred years, would have guests and dignitaries from the far reaches of the world, with whom her parents would be busy making meaningful contacts. _

_All of this together compounded into some significance, which had Michi and Ukano sharing deliberate glances all day, and that Mai did not want to be privy to at this moment. The stress of it all was definitely not going to be good for her skin that was already suffering from the dank air of the prison she had been released from._

_This was also the first time she would be talking to all his new friends – Avatar Aang, Katara, Suki’s boyfriend the Water Tribe guy, and the blind Earthbender. All people she had previously met while trying to mortally injure. It was understandable for them to have a less than favourable view of her and while she didn’t actually care what any of them thought, she had noticed how close Zuko seemed with them. Two things that again, compounded into something larger that Mai could do without spelling out._

_To top it off, being stuffed into something that hugged her this closely and showed off more of her chest, and back – along with the entirety of her arms – than she ever liked to have on display, wasn’t exactly the confidence boost she had needed._

_Clopping down the corridor of the royal palace to the grand hall, the noise of the celebration growing louder, Mai had kept reminding herself to not bring up Ozai or Azula with Zuko, even though she really did want to ask about Azula. Whispers that she had been placed in an institution after she had shown signs of madness had reached her ears. Even if it was true, Mai knew it wasn’t anyone else's fault but Azula's. She did that to herself._

_She blinked away her thoughts, focusing back on the merriment, now seated at her table with Ty Lee and the other Kyoshi Warriors. Mai and Zuko had only maybe exchanged seven words before Iroh had pulled him along to go make his acquaintance with people of significance. Each time she saw him, he seemed to be engaged in an important discussion with yet another wise old person. Even now she sat hoping to spot him in the grand hall that was decked in a way she didn’t think it ever had been before._

_The royal decorators had jumped at the opportunity to bypass the red and black confines of design that they usually had to stick to. The hall was drenched in colours and lights, interjected by pillars scattered across the floor that held mighty flames that danced to the live music. A ginormous ceiling to floor poster of an exceptionally dreamy Zuko, the new Fire Lord, hung across from her at one end of the hall, mirrored on the other side by a poster of equally grand proportions of Avatar Aang. Food and drinks too were sourced from all corners of the world, letting not a single guest find their culture unseen._

_To her great distaste, she had accidentally made fleeting eye contact with Yung Sing across the dance floor. Both broke off the unintended contact immediately. The girl was decked in a dress that shone brighter than the overhead chandeliers and was enthusiastically sweeping her gaze across the hall for the same boy Mai was. There was no doubt in her mind that Yung Sing would try and woo Zuko. Right from their school days, that girl’s entire personality had been based on wanting what she couldn’t have and trying to show the rest of them up._

_Ty Lee too, had apparently noticed the mini exchange between them and leaned in toward Mai, offering only a plain, ‘Ew.’_

_‘Agreed’ Mai responded._

_She popped some fire flakes into her mouth, neutralising the bad taste that had developed on her tongue. At least, it was easy to distract oneself in the hall that was brimming with loud chatter. People of all ages were enjoying the end of the never-ending war. From suspiciously young rebel delinquents to the wise old masters of the Order of the White Lotus; men, women and children of different languages, colours, and cultures that had been involved in the Avatar’s journey and the ending of the war, were being celebrated tonight._

_While Mai could definitely see the beauty of it, it was an odd sight. It had been less than a week since Zuko had assumed the throne and already things under him were so wildly in contrast to anything Ozai would have even tolerated. Mai had spent a large part of her childhood relocating to different colonies of the Fire Nation with her father, so to her eyes this clash of cultures was not too jarring. But it was not difficult to see that many of those that had spent years of service under Ozai and those that had benefitted from his reign of terror, would find this kind of intermingling ‘unacceptable’._

_She had been so excited to have a proper chat with Zuko about everything. Much had happened since he’d left, for them both, culminating so grandly in him being crowned king of this new era of peace in the Fire Nation and beyond. She still couldn’t believe it sometimes; it was hard to even think what he must be going through._

_They had met only twice since his return. The first time was after she had been released, and they had patched up. That meeting had lasted a grand total of ten minutes before Zuko had to leave to go see Aang. The second time had been a bit more…interesting._

_For the rest of the week, Zuko had been indisposed for even a half-hour for them to meet up. However, she didn’t exactly mind it._

_Once the initial euphoria of triumph and them getting back together had worn off, she had let herself fall into a self-woven web of misery. She didn’t know how any of this worked. She didn’t know what happened when you got back with someone that had dumped you. And theirs had hardly been a normal breakup. Things felt strange. Not how she imagined they would be, all rosy and magical. Things were awkward._

_She thought about how much Zuko might have changed. What if he only **thought**_ _he loved her, and once the haze of everything ascended, he realised it? Spirits knew she couldn’t handle a second breakup. Was she being stupid for even taking him back? And then the fact that he was now Fire Lord now was this whole other thing. Did he want them to be seen together? Was he going to ask her to officiate their relationship in the royal court for them to keep seeing one another? Would her father’s undying loyalty to Ozai matter?_

_So many things to consider._

_Thus, the invitation for tea she had received from Uncle Iroh had only added to her misery. She had debated going at all, not being able to squash the worm of a thought that had entered her mind suggesting he was inviting her over to ask her to back away from Zuko, now that he was Fire Lord and their union was not possible._

_Despite her fears, tea with Iroh had been rather pleasant. He didn’t once mention anything about hers and Zuko’s relationship. She had in fact been very comfortable discussing all her observations about the high-security prison she had been in, and all the reforms she felt could be brought about. Her perspective as a former prisoner had been insightful._

_Then, as they neared the end of their tea, Iroh had produced a small emblemed box. Handing it to Mai he had said, ‘This belonged to my lovely wife, who left me many years ago. I had saved it all this time thinking I may someday give this to Lu Ten’s bride and then thinking it could belong to Zuko’s instead.’_

_Mai fumbled as she hurriedly closed the lid of the box, that she had not even completely opened, at his words, ‘I-_

_Iroh held his hand up continuing his speech, ‘But it is not in that capacity that I am handing this to you.’_

_She looked down at the box, feeling the heat rising around her collar._

_‘Dear child, do not think that I am oblivious to the sacrifice you almost made for my nephew. I was not aware there was somebody else in the Fire Nation that would look out for him like I would, and certainly not to the extent you were willing to.’_

_Not knowing what to say, she slowly opened the box and peeked at the object inside. It was a teardrop-shaped pendant fashioned from translucent stone and held what looked like pure, untouched lava inside._

_‘Take this as a token of my gratitude. For keeping me from losing another child. For placing him above yourself even after that idiot broke your heart.’ He smiled at her, the kind of comforting smile that came from grandparents and gurus who held deep wisdom of life, ‘Don’t say no dear, it will bring this old man joy to know you have accepted his gift.’_

_She nodded, bowing in respect to him._

_Then suddenly Iroh had stood up, looking across the garden beyond the patio they sat on, ‘Speak of the dragon. It’s Zuko!’ he beamed turning to Mai, ‘Stay here. I will send for him.’_

_As Iroh abandoned their tea party, walking up to Zuko and the small group of officials with him, Mai stood up, fumbling to hide the box in her robes. She could do without having to bring this up with him right now._

_Satisfied, she leaned over the banister of the patio, hoping it made her look casual. As he neared her, having left the officers at the far end, she waved at him, then stood up straight, realising she probably looked stupid leaning the way she was._

_He stepped on to the wooden platform, walking up to her. There was a momentary panic as Mai debated if she should kiss him. Why was that even a question? Isn’t that what they did when they met? She could kiss him. But then she didn’t. Stepping forward she hugged him instead. Wordlessly, he hugged her back._

_She couldn’t help notice that he might have gotten taller than before when he dropped a small kiss on the top of her head._

_‘Hi’_

_‘Hey’_

_Zuko shifted to lean across the bannister beside her, making it so they didn’t have to maintain constant eye-contact. He stared up at the bright summery garden ahead of them, fully aware of the oddness of her movements around him._

_It made sense; he hadn’t even apologised to her yet. But he couldn’t right now either. He only had a few minutes at his disposal and many more minutes’ worth of things to say._

_‘How’s it going?’ she asked, fingers locked together as she rested them on the wooden railing._

_‘Shockingly well’ he responded. ‘Apart from the constant fear that any minute now, I’m going to wake up from a dream.’_

_Mai chuckled silently beside him, ‘Can’t imagine how crazy this must all be.’_

_She was hyperaware of the slab of contact between his shoulder and her arm, wondering if the heat between them was his or her own._

_Zuko turned slightly toward her, having found a safe topic to bring up, ‘So, sometime next month, after everything has settled down, the gang wanted to meet up and just sort of kick back while helping Uncle set up his tea shop at Ba Sing Se. I …thought you’d like to come.’_

_She turned to him as well, her fingers reached up to brush the strands of hair that the breeze had blown to rest on her lashes, a genuine smile on her face, ‘I would.’_

_‘Yeah, but then…_

_He turned to face the garden again, as her smile faltered._

_‘I sent an application for an entry permit into Ba Sing Se for you, and they rejected it.’_

_‘What? Why!’_

_He turned to her again, plainly saying, ‘You’re listed as a wanted criminal.’_

_Mai’s lips parted as she looked at him in shock. Why had she not considered that she now held criminal records in two countries?_

_Zuko’s lips were pursed as his eyebrows came together in his efforts to suppress his laugh. Mai didn’t bother holding down her hysterics the second she felt them rising in her chest. Both burst into laughter together at the ridiculousness of the concept, their uproarious guffaws sent the birds resting on the banyan near them into a frenzied fluttering of wings._

_Zuko straightened, his head hanging between his convulsing shoulders, hunched over from laughing. Leaning against him, Mai held her sides, that had begun to hurt from her silent breathless laughs. Maybe, she should have felt a little bit more remorse, but her criminal status was giving her a lot more confidence than it had any right to._

_Just like that, the awkwardness between them evaporated. As Mai cleared her throat, recovering from the fit, Zuko descended into a fresh bout of laughs having newly reminded himself that the girlfriend of the Fire Lord was an internationally wanted woman, and had already served time._

_She flung her hand sideways, backhandedly striking him hard across his gut. Suddenly, he doubled over the railing in pain. Her eyes widened; any expression of joy drained from her face._

_His wound! She had hit him square across his bandage._

_‘Holy shu! I’m so sorry!’ She placed her hand on his shoulder, brows furrowed as she bent her head down to see if he was okay, ‘You alright? Zuko?’_

_He slowly turned towards her, his face relaxing from when it had been contorted in mock pain. He broke into a smile catching her distraught over him,_

_‘Got you.’_

_She straightened, eyelids dropping half-way down her unimpressed pupils, ‘You are a child.’ This time she went for his upper arm, pinching him with her nails._

_He hissed, reaching for her as she swiftly stepped out of his grasp. Challenged, he lunged forward again, hands outstretched to nab her as she snorted, ducking just in time, leaving him grappling with thin air. Amid her quick motions, the emblemed box had fallen from her robes to the floor. Before Zuko could make sense of it, she pounced to the floor grabbing it._

_‘What's that?’ he asked raising an eyebrow, standing over her._

_‘Nothing’_

_‘It didn’t seem like nothing’ he replied, moving to the ground hoping to pry the box away from her._

_‘It’s nothing!’ she insisted. The box fell out of her hand as he pushed her down playfully, trying to get to the object, now fully on top of her._

_His face hovered only inches above hers; so close. She could kiss him if she tried._

_Zuko’s eyes looked up at the box that had tumbled out of reach, but before he could stretch for it over Mai’s head, he felt her lips on his, in what must have been a quick peck. He looked down at her, a little shaken at the unexpected action. Her eyes were staring up at him, telling him clearly that the next move was his. It had been all the invitation he needed to do what he had wanted to, right from the moment he had seen her safe and happy and alive._

_So, then they were kissing. Smiling openly against each other’s lips, both clearly happy their meeting had taken this turn._

_The smile that claimed his lips made her heart thump so hard against her chest she worried he might hear it. Then, right before things could get any more interesting, they had heard voices across the garden. The officers had taken a full round it seemed and were back where Zuko had left them and promised to join them again._

_He scrambled to get off her as she sat up, fixing herself. Without bidding a proper adieu, he had hurried off the patio, turning around once to wave at her._

_She had waved goodbye, reminded that despite the fact that her faith in their relationship was close to being restored, there was still the question of where they stood publicly and socially._

_She sat alone at the table now, having not accompanied Ty Lee and the other warriors when they left to socialise. Zuko might not find her if she moved from the spot that he had deposited her at the last time they had managed to exchange a few words at the party._

_Lazily, she looked on as Suki and her boyfriend danced on the floor to the slow music that played, as everyone settled into the lull of post-dinner conversations._

_While Katara and Aang had been nice to her right away, the Earthbender (Tough?) had expressed her disinterest in making pleasantries pretty early and disappeared. Not sure why she had thought she might receive some hostility from the Water Tribe boy, she had felt a little more welcome after her introduction to Sokka earlier in the evening, had gone rather well._

_‘Sokka, this is Mai. You… probably already know her.’ Suki noted._

_‘Lady Mai, it is an honor.’ He bowed ridiculously low, taking her hand in his, obviously mocking Fire Nation nobility etiquette. Little did he know of Mai’s own disregard for the same. ‘It is nice to meet you, if I try hard enough to forget your violent and relentless attacks on my friends and I’ he flashed an impossibly large grin at her._

_‘Sokka, of the Northern Water Tribe.’ Mai bowed back, ‘Likewise, if I try to overlook the fact that you chucked your boomerang at me with intentions to wipe out my existence.’_

_‘Ah ha ha ha’ Sokka flushed, not expecting the rebuttal, ‘Good thing I missed huh?’_

_‘Maybe sometime before you leave the Fire Nation, I could show you a thing or two about aiming’ she offered. Believe it or not, that had been her attempt to make a real, friendly invite for a practice spar. She mentally winced hoping it didn’t come off sounding more condescending than she’d hoped._

_‘Sure! And given that Zuko is a lost cause, maybe I could help **you**_ _generate some gusto for life instead!’ Sokka had beamed, raising his hand for a high-five._

_‘You could try’ she had simply smiled and tipped her glass at him._

_She couldn’t help but snort at the sight of Avatar Aang really getting it on with his dance moves surrounded by a small circle of Fire Nation girls that giggled and blushed, in the middle of a dance floor that was otherwise scattered with couples swaying gently to the music. The mellow tunes could hardly keep up with him, but it did little to dampen his enthusiasm, Mai noted impressed. She guessed that to believe that this happy, cheery kid had been in a battle with and **defeated**_ _Fire Lord Ozai, who simply with his glare had army generals wetting their pants, you just had to have been there._

_She was pulled out of her thoughts when she heard a familiar voice close to her ear, ‘Care to join me for a dance, fair lady?’_

_‘Why I thought you would never ask Fire Lord Zuko’ she fluttered her lashes, raising her hand for him to take, ‘I was just going to make do tonight by staring at that dashing poster of you.’_

_‘Looks like you missed me’ he smiled smugly, taking her hand._

_‘Not really. I’m finally glad to be able to show off this awfully shiny and suffocating dress my mother shoved me in so that her friends may validate her dress choice for me at tomorrow’s tea party.’ Mai faked a shy smile as they crossed members of the Fire Nation nobility on their way to the dance floor. Elders nodded back in approval, blissfully unaware that their dated opinions hardly mattered to them._

_Zuko spoke, ‘Yeah, I actually thought you were the ice sculpture of Aang we ordered for the party when you first walked in.’_

_‘Ugh. For real?’ she whispered, consciously adjusting the straps of her dress for the hundredth time._

_He laughed at her pressed response, that he had thought might have been a biting remark instead, ‘Of course not, I’m kidding! You look stunning in non-black.’_

_He placed her hand on his shoulder as they gently began to sway to the lovelorn tune of the tsunghi horn._

_‘You’re not funny’ she whispered._

_‘Really?’ he quizzed, ‘name one person funnier than me in all of Fire Nation right now and Uncle doesn’t count.’_

_She shrugged, ‘Suki’s boyfriend’s kind of –_

_‘I said funny, not idiotic. Try again.’ Zuko interjected sharply._

_Mai almost giggled at his acidic response. There was no challenge at all in getting a rise out of him. ‘I don’t know, the Avatar’s sky bison is a pretty funny guy –_

_‘Wrong again and honestly, disrespectful’ he chided, taking her hand and unexpectedly spinning her around, her eyes widened as she thought she might lose balance but Zuko grabbed her waist in time pulling her in again. All those pointless dancing lessons he had been forced to take as a young boy, were finally paying off._

_She hoped the dimming of the lights post-dinner helped hide the appearance of the wild blushing across her cheeks. She also hoped Yung Sing was watching._

_Zuko raised his eyebrows at Mai whose hands were laced around his neck as they moved together, ‘Here’s a hint. This is the Fire Nation. And I’m… the Fire Lord.’_

_‘So… you’re the funniest?’ she humoured._

_‘Yes,’ Zuko confirmed, ‘Legally.’_

_‘Nice’ she sniggered, shaking her head, ‘I can respect that.’_

_They fell into a mellow pattern of moving their feet together as she rested her head against his chest. Mai smiled with her tongue pressed into her cheek when she made eye contact with Ty Lee standing on the other end of the hall. She brought her hands together imitating kissing motions at Mai. As usual, there was an unnatural amount of men scattered in her vicinity._

_Only Ty Lee had known any of what Mai had felt through her breakup and her true feelings for Zuko. Alone together in the dark dingy cell, Mai had been forced to share her feelings, which she did in as detached a tone as possible._

_But then a welcome lightness had followed her admittance about how stupid she felt when her love for Zuko had increased after he had stood up to his father, sister, and the entire country to do the right thing, despite him dumping her so cruelly in the process. Then, encouraged by the catharsis, she had also admitted to Ty Lee her fear that Zuko might not really even want to be with her, even more so after running off to join the Avatar considering those in the Fire Nation to be his enemies. Ty Lee had hugged her despite her denial and told her she was sure Zuko loved her more than she knew. She could tell from his aura. And while Mai still didn’t believe in auras, her reassurance had been the only warmth Mai could find in the cold hard confines of the cell._

_‘Hey, I know I should probably not bring this up right now, but since this is the only time we’ve gotten recently, I just wanted to apologise about…everything. I will apologise properly later, I just needed to do this now.’ Zuko’s voice was close to her ear. At this point, with their hands around each other and hardly any distance between them they were basically hugging. Their feet only moved to validate their presence on the dance floor._

_‘It’s okay. I know it was a difficult time for you and I’m proud that you did the right thing. I’m not sure many people would be able to see through all the deception like you did.’_

_She felt his chin nuzzle the top of her head._

_‘I’m so lucky to have you.’_

_‘Yeah, you would have literally boiled to your death if wasn’t for me' she reminded._

_She felt the silent laugh in his chest against her head, ‘Ty Lee told me that you almost fought Azula, you crazy girl. She wouldn’t have thought twice before lightning striking you right across that lake of boiling water.’_

_Mai simply shrugged. She wasn’t sure she was ready to talk about any of that yet. Her betrayal of Azula was not something she had planned no matter what anyone else believed. She knew she had done the right thing for herself, her love, and her country. But sometimes it became hard to hold on to that reasoning, especially when she heard about Azula’s admission into the institution._

_‘She also told me what you said to Azula… about me…us.’ She could hear his teasing smile._

_‘Snitch’ Mai rolled her eyes, ‘don’t expect me to repeat it to you Zuko, you’ve to earn it.’_

_‘I’ll do whatever it takes’ he pledged._

_‘Good to know. Until then,’ Her eyes darted as she looked about to make sure no one was approaching them, ‘you can have this.’_

_She reached on her tiptoes and pecked him swiftly on the lips, not wanting to draw the attention of the other guests at the party. Zuko smiled, bending down and to her surprise, pulling her into a proper kiss not bothering who saw them._

_‘I love you too’ he whispered._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there it is. My big Maiko story that I wanted to get out :)  
> I feel like this was just my long-winded way of showing Maiko deniers why they're so beautiful I guess lmao.
> 
> Bare with me for a slightly wordy author's note, please. 
> 
> 1\. If you liked what you read and if my words made you feel a little something-something. Please leave a kudos or a comment, it leaves me with a big smile and helps others find this fic more easily too. 
> 
> 2\. It's actually been very nice to see the newer set of ATLA fans take to Maiko more than I think the older ones did? It's still a small community so if you enjoyed this fic please do share it in your atla gcs and with your friends. 
> 
> 3\. To the readers that have been here from the start. Thank you so VERY much. I know peeps mostly like to read completed works but your constant support made this so much more rewarding for me. 
> 
> 4\. And FINALLY - I am working on another Maiko fic. With a lot more Azula. Maybe a redemption arc because she deserves it? But in between writing that, I do want to get out a few drabbles and one-shots and I want to do them out of my comfort zone. So I would actually love it if you guys shared your Maiko headcanons (if they're v different from mine) in the comments with me! If any of them strike me with inspiration, I'll try to write them down maybe? No promises tho 
> 
> Thanks again! Criticism welcome!

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on Avatar twitter @xanadian_ where I like gushing over maiko just fyi :)


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